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I just want you
to be happy
but sometimes
and selfishly
I want to be
your happiness

But
'happiness is a choice'
you say
and you didn't choose me

I clung onto the idea
since you made me happy
it would be the same for you

What is happiness now?
where has it gone to?
In time, society has robbed us
the real meaning of happiness

Go on your own way
and pursue your happiness
for your smile, is my smile
your laugh, is my laugh

and I'll be happy
when you find your happiness
because I love you
always have, always will
Let me start by saying
I don't believe in love
But please let me explain
that it's just a rule of thumb

I say I hate the world
as I have a fear of rejection
I'm slightly socially awkward
especially when showing affection

However, beneath the surface
is another side to me
which i hide away from the world
for only a few to see:



I act like I'm the best
because I feel like I'm the worst
I shake my fringe and lower my head
when I'm uncomfortable or hurt

I have a tendency to overthink
and I get jealous easily
and I find it hard admit
as I'm afraid of people seeing all of me

I don't like to tell people these things
as it makes me feel vulnerable
just like I'll only sing to you
when I am feeling comfortable

I know you know I say 'shut up'
when what I really mean is 'yes'
there's a reason I'm telling you all these thing
that I probably should confess

I wanted to let you know me
but I was unsure how to do it
so I had to write a poem
or I'd be too awkward to get through it

So I have to tell you in a poem
how I really feel
before I change my mind
and the truth is never revealed

I say I'm really good with words
when actually, I'm just average
I'll say one thing but you'll know I mean another
if you watch my body language

I say that i don't give a ****
and that is sometimes true
but you can tell I'm lying
if I can't look at you

I've said I don't believe in love
yet I believe in fate
and I guess I like you quite a bit
so I'll tell it to you straight

i don't like expressing emotions
so forgive me if I'm blunt
but listen close to this
because I'll only say it once

-

I like the way you sing to me
though sometimes out of tune
I like the way when we lie down
you let me be the little spoon

I like how we don't have to talk
when we lay side by side
I love it when you tell me
that you miss me late at night

I hate your slow replies
but that's only because I'm needy
I like how we think we're really cute
when others think we're cheesy

I like the way you're patient
and how you hold my hand
i like the way you're respectful
and the way you understand

I like how we feel comfortable
when we're around each other
but i have to admit you're super annoying
when you steal all the covers

Your eyes, I've noticed, do this thing
where they go really soft
and i don't know if you knew
but you do it quite a lot

I like the way that sometimes
in your kitchen we'll slow dance
And normally I'm quite wary
but with you I took a chance

i hate the way you outsmart me
and how you're often right
I hate the way you cross my mind
every single night

I laugh at the face you make
when my hair falls in the way
I find it funny how we insult each other
at least five times a day

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'
is what we both live by
but I know I won't feel worthy of you
however hard I may try

I've said I don't believe in love
as it's a common misconception
but maybe I'm starting to think
that every rule has an exception
she hates me.
she doesn't know me.
she took him away.

her eyes are brown but they're tinted green with the scales of the monster that lurks beneath.

her fingernails are short but they grow sharp into claws and take him away from me because of the green monster that lurks in her fingertips.

her words are sweet but they cut me with the teeth of the green scaled monster that inhabits her tongue.

and he lets her.
and he lets her.
and he lets her.
i can't stop running to him.
just hormones
i tell myself
not real pain
not a big deal
but everything hurts and i want to die
just hormones 
hiding behind eyeliner
it masks the red 
i wasn't crying
allergies
mine are bad this time of year
i wasn't sad
why do you ask?
how ridiculous
i
don't
get 
sad
i don't need help
 i just need some time alone
no people
just the static crackling of a car radio a few yards away
a talk show with the volume **** turned too loud
screams and laughter from where my friends stand
they aren't like me 
they don't want me
i don't want them
i'll hide in a corner
hide behind a mask
of eyeliner
and lip gloss
cloaked in shadows
drip drip
goes the water
it's cold over here
but hidden
nobody can see me
i'm just another person on their phone
clipped into technology 
indifferent 
not in pain
just hormones 
i remind myself
you aren't really hurting
the slightest touch will turn your eyes into waterfalls
so stay hidden 
stay safe
it's ***** over here
bird **** on a window
how is it that even possible?
moist
disgusting
guarded by 6th graders
to afraid to approach me
but i can feel their eyes on me
creepy pasta
is what they discuss
as they beat their violin strings
with their bows
unpleasant noises
there's my mom's car
pulling up
get ready
smile
energy
brush your hair back
natural
act natural
"How was your day?"
hard
"Fine"
it's just hormones.
i know
it's ****
but it felt good to write, so

— The End —