Don’t put me in a group and expect me to talk
Be careful with your questions or you’ll meet a roadblock
Ask me about my feelings and out the door I will walk
This is who I am

Despite my reluctance to deep conversation
Talking can sometimes be my great salvation
My inability to talk just brings me more and more frustration
This is who I am

If asked what I need I’d probably just shrug
Although you should know that I just want a hug
Just tell me that you love me and hold me snug
This is who I am

The rest of the time I seem as if I’m all smiles
I leave everything to clutter my brain in big piles
Then I put up a facade so no one can guess at my trials
This is who I am

I feel as though I’ve lived a thousand lives
I still always cry when not everyone survives
“It’s not like you’re really there,” they said
So what if all of this is happening inside my head
In those moments I left this world behind
Our lives then became intertwined
I shared their happiness and gain
I cried for their sorrows and pain
With them by my side, I made it to the finish
Without them, I would diminish
Not everyone came out on the other side
But, oh was it a beautiful ride
This is what comes of the stories of our age
I am so grateful for the stories on the page

“You seem quiet today,” they say.
I reply, “Oh, I’m okay.”
My lies come out hasty
That’s just how it’s been lately

I think she can tell I’m not just fine
The problem is that my head and my heart don’t align
Even then, I just wish I could tell someone
My heart says to talk but my head says to run

My heart feels sad and heavy
Instead, I should feel steady
My head thinks the sadness is all a mistake
I just feel like such a fake

These things make me hurt but
I feel vain in my gut
Others have it so, so much worse
But here I go feeling as if I’m under some curse

Maybe that’s why I can’t talk about it
Does this make me a counterfeit?
It’s like I don’t have the right to be sad
For all of my blessings, I should be glad

I search for love and care and from some, it unfolds
My mom’s heart hurts from my dad but their marriage still holds
My grandpa has health problems but he is still here
I still talk to my friends even after they disappear

There’s something inside of me that I can’t see
I don’t like this different side of me
There is so much conflict going on
Maybe that’s why I’m always withdrawn

It’s like I don’t know who I am anymore
Inside my head and my heart I just can’t explore
I’ve isolated myself to a major degree
Now my isolation is what defines me