"I love you don't do this to yourself Meghan please I love you too much to let you go"

WELL ******* YOU ******* **** YOU LEFT I ******* HATE YOU BUT I ******* LOVE YOU. STOP ******* WITH MY HEAD. **** NICOLE. PICK ME YOU ******* . YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ME AND HER. YOU PROMISED ME FOREVER AND YOU ******* LIED. I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING. I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING I ******* CANT STAND YOU STOP IT NOW I HATE YOU. YOU FIXED ME AND THEN TORE MY ******* HEART OUT AND SMASHED IT ON THE CONCRETE. AND ALL I CAN DO IS STAND BACK UP AND LOOK YOU IN THOSE HAZEL BLUE EYES AND SAY THAT I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS BECAUSE YOU ARE MY ******* WORLD. ALL THAT TOUCHING AND ALL THOSE KISSES THEY WERE **** TO YOU. WHEREAS I TOOK THEM ALL TO ******* HEART.
I PUSHED YOU PULLED
I CRIED YOU HELD ME
I BLED YOU KISSED
I FAUGHT YOU SMILED
I BROKE YOU FIXED
I WAS AT MY WORST AND YOU STAYED AND YOU SAW ME AT A HORRIBLE TIME IN MY LIFE YET YOU STILL HAD THE DECENCY TO CALL ME BEAUTIFUL. WELL ******* AND YOUR SECRETIVE TONGUE I HATE IT ALL BUT I LOVE IT I HATE YOUR SMILE I HATE YOUR VOICE I HATE WHEN YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME I HATE IT NO I LOVE IT. OH GOD **** ME NOW BECAUSE I CANT CHOOSE AND ITS ******* ME UP I CANT TAKE THIS.
I HAVE ******* CUTS ON MY SKIN AND THAT RAZOR HAS SHOWN ME MORE ******* LOVE THAN YOU EVER HAVE. I HATE THIS I HATE KNOWING SHE GOT IN THE WAY OF OUR "FOREVER". I HATE HER AND I WANT TO SLIT HER THROAT BUT I KNOW THAT THAT WILL ONLY HURT YOU SO I WONT TOUCH HER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO ANYMORE. ALL MY FRIENDS TELL ME I SHOULD MOVE ON BUT NO ******* WAY. I COULD NEVER EVER ******* GIVE UP. I EVEN TOLD MY FRIEND:
" I love him like I've never been burned. Like I've never been hurt. I will always love him like he never affected me. He ******* burns me down but I happened to fall in love with the flame. I have so much left to give to him. For him. I'm not going to give up because that shows him I don't care and it shows I never cared. I'm going to risk it all because those who don't risk everything never wanted it in the first place. I'm gonna give it all I got. I will love him like I ran through ******* fire. I will love him forever. Like I never loved anyone else. I will love him like I've never heard a lie and like I am falling for him for the first time. And nothing, not even he, can change this feeling. He tried to take his own life because he cheated on me. Regardless of whether he cheated on me or not, I am still in love with him, more than I care to admit."
AND ITS SO TRUE I CANT GIVE UP ON YOU AND NOT GIVING UP IS KILLING ME ALIVE. I FEEL NOTHING BUT PAIN. I DON'T LIGHT UP LIKE FIREWORKS WHEN I GET A MESSAGE FROM YOU, INSTEAD, I LOSE ALL COMPOSURE AND MY HEART SKIPS BEATS UNNECESSARILY AND I INSTANTLY START CRYING BECAUSE ITS A DEFINITE YES THAT YOU ARE ALIVE. AND I HATE THIS I ******* HATE CONSTANTLY LIVING WITH THE FEAR OF KNOWING I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I ******* LOVE YOU. BUT EVEN THAT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH SO I'M ONLY GOING TO SIT AND CRY AND READ SAPPY LOVE POEMS ABOUT BOYS WHO WILL NEVER CARE WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO ARE HOLDING ONTO THE SAME DESIRE THAT I AM, THE DESIRE THAT THEIR BOY WILL TURN AROUND AND LOVE THEM IN RETURN. SO ******* AND I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU *******.

//
{m.j.}

She be my queen
Since we were sixteen
We want the same things,
We dream the same dreams,
Alright (alright)

I got it all
'cause she is the one
Her mum calls me 'love',
Her dad calls me 'son',
Alright (alright)

I know, I know, I know for sure

[2x]
Everybody wanna steal my girl
Everybody wanna take her heart away
Couple billion in the whole wide world
Find another one 'cause she belongs to me

Na na na na na na (oh, yeah)
Na na na na na na (alright)
Na na na na na na
Na na

She belongs to me

Kisses like cream,
Her walk is so mean
And every jaw drop
When she's in those jeans,
Alright (alright)

I don't exist
If I don't have her
The sun doesn't shine,
The world doesn't turn,
Alright (alright)

But I know, I know, I know for sure

[2x]
Everybody wanna steal my girl
Everybody wanna take her heart away
Couple billion in the whole wide world
Find another one 'cause she belongs to me

Na na na na na na (oh, yeah)
Na na na na na na (alright)
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na

She knows, she knows
That I never let her down before
She knows, she knows
That I'm never gonna let another take her love from me now

[2x]
Everybody wanna steal my girl
Everybody wanna take her heart away
Couple billion in the whole wide world
Find another one 'cause she belongs to me

Na na na na na na (oh, yeah, alright, yeah)
Na na na na na na (alright)
Na na na na na na
Na na

She belongs to me

Na na na na na na (oh, yeah)
(She belongs to me, yeah)
Na na na na na na (alright)
Na na na na na na

She belongs to me

he had just texted
me saying that he read
the letter i wrote him
over five times.
he said he could not stop
smiling,
and that he wants to change
to be a better boyfriend to me.
he fails to notice that i
don’t want him to change,
because when people change
they figure out that they are better off
with someone who is one hundred percent
stable;
im about seventy nine percent.
im almost there baby,
just a little longer.
i am so ******* glad you
are changing to get better,
it’s been too long and there were too many
stormy-eyed nights
and its finally time for a
starry-eyed night.
we are doing so good;
we are flowing more than we ever did.
and im thankful for that,
i guess.
when you first met me,
you were a shady mess,
a mess that you thought was
unfixable.
i told you that i wouldn’t leave your side,
and i stuck to my word.
i tried fixing you the best i possibly could,
and kind of succeeded.
i wanted to fix you by phone calls
and late night texts,
explaining to you how much i love you.
i wanted to save you,
i still do.
i wanted to be that person to help you
no matter what time it is.
but from my perspective,
that is not how i helped you.
i had helped you in the most
humble way;
just by being me.
it’s a known fact that you love me,
*** doesn’t need to prove that.
and i guess that since you were able
to detach yourself from your sadness,
and attach yourself to me,
made you better.
i know you are terrified of losing me,
but i really ******* hope you know,
I will still be in love with you even if you
killed me at point blank range.


// {m.j.}

It's alright to cry
Even my dad does sometimes
So don't wipe your eyes
Tears remind you you're alive
It's alright to die
'Cause death's the only thing you haven't tried
But just for tonight hold on

So live life like you're giving up
'Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart

It's alright to shake
Even my hand does sometimes
So inside the rage
Against the dying of the light
It's alright to say that death's the only thing you haven't tried
But just for today hold on

So live life like you're giving up
'Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart hold on

Live life like you're giving up
'Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart hold on

It's just another night and I'm staring at the moon
I saw a shooting star and thought of you
I sang a lullaby by the waterside and knew
If you were here, I'd sing to you

You're on the other side
As the skyline splits in two
Miles away from seeing you

But I can see the stars from America
I wonder, do you see them too?

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

I can hear your heart on the radio beat
They're playing "Chasing Cars" and I thought of us
Back to the time you were lying next to me
I looked across and fell in love

So I took your hand
Back through lamp-lit streets and knew
Everything led back to you

So can you see the stars over Amsterdam?
Hear the song my heart is beating to

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

And oh
And oh
And oh whoa
I can see the stars from America

I saw galaxies in your eyes
and you left stardust in your footprints
but I keep it in a jar on the shelf above my bed
you're not here anymore but you are
and the voices in my head won't shut up
shut up
shut up
sometimes they sound like you
and they whisper sweet things like good morning and you're pretty
but sometimes they are your mother screaming
screaming
screaming
I can't erase the scars on my skin
maybe I wouldn't have cut my arms up if I didn't shake all the time
sometimes I am numb and empty but seeing blood run down my wrist reminds me that I'm full of pretty colors
other times I feel like I am housing the universe and I  am too small to contain it
there's only one way out and you always said it was bad for me
but it's good for me I swear,
just like the drugs I force down my throat to forget ******
******
******
I can't think or form sentences right now
I am tired and I am sick
in my head
there are monsters in my head and I have not stopped to think
just typing like a machine
I am a robot to my own mind, just repeating
repeating
repeating
sequences like math but it's not numbers
it's swallowing pills or slicing my body into pretty geometric patterns
caffeine is a drug and I am awake even though I feel dead
last night I cried for three hours straight
and I was terrified of not knowing what I was capable of
suicide is not pretty
you can't romanticize it with pictures of ****** wrists and hand guns next to a bouquet of daisies
even though sometimes that's what it looks like in my head.