I am so submerged in solitude
that I longer feel the need to resurface.
I have found a home at the bottom,
in desolation and darkness.
I do not need those above,
nor do I want to belong to a
sun that scorched me so
very long ago.

I want someone who
knows the silence of my soul.
Yes, we will build our lives
from a sweet silence that
only we can understand.

What if a dream
of someone is bought on
by that person thinking
about you?

You have made a galaxy
within me the way you paint
stars upon this soul.
I explore this galaxy of us,
forever in awe of the
wonders and mysteries
you left within my heart.

I hope life is treating you well
wherever you are right now.
Just know I still think of you
for you are never forgotten in this heart.
Indeed, this heart misses you
for it is you that fills it.
That way you are never gone from me,
and though the years pass,
I can treasure what I keep in my heart
like a fire on a winter's night.

Dear diary;
I am still learning to
let go of that of which I
have no control over or that
remains in the past.
Some days are harder than others
to accept things the way they are
and not the way I had hoped
they could be.

You are never far,
just a photograph away.
The nights are never cold,
as I envision your smile.
I'm never really alone,
as I recall the memories.

Has anyone flown
up to the stars to make sure
they were not replaced?

7:16 AM
2/11/23

All my worst fears came to be
the day you turned into a succubus
and devoured this heart and soul.
I was helpless watching it
all come crashing down.
And I had no one to blame but myself-
I chose to focus on your human side and
ignore the subtleties of what you really were.
Deep down I had always known and
I wonder was it love or was it
your strange powers that
let this guard down?

My heart calls to you,
it needs you more than blood.
It longs for your smile,
for your stories and
all of your being.
You are my sun,
and from this Earth I long for you.
So hear this heart calling,
and come back into my arms.

Most things in life
do not matter and do not
bring happiness nor peace-
and so we continue the search
for something that does.

You will always be
near to me as I keep your
smile in my heart

8:57 PM
30/10/23

This mind is a bed of roses
of harrowing memories
that burn these petals.
A storm surrounds me
in this everlasting winter
and one-by-one,
these roses wither and die.  
I hope those that remain
will survive long enough
to see a sun that may never dawn.

Dear diary;
I am growing tired of this mind,
tired of overthinking, of the endless cycle.
"When will this day end? This week, this month, this year?"
I grow tired of society and their norms and expectations.
I want to enjoy life again, to be free, not just endure,
to go through the motions again and again.
I try to savor the good times like a rose,
to smell it, and see it in all its beauty,
until it withers away.
Indeed, I am tired of this winter,
and all the dreariness it brings.
I want to live.

I wonder what the
prettiest colour in the world is.
I think it is a mix of the hues in your eyes
and those teeth the moon could only
dream of shining so brightly
when you smile at me.

Dear diary;
I do not feel-
no, I do not feel anymore.
Sometimes I can feel my heartbeat,
or a lonely butterfly in this stomach
but that pales in comparison to
when I used to feel alive,
to feel any hope at all.

So what is left
of a broken soul?  
Just the empty shell of a man
who barely knows what
it means to exist.

We may not have been
each other's favorite chapter,
but I hope you can still smile when
you turn back the page to
where we began.

When people of
our past speak of us,
they speak of a person
they do not know anymore
and that no longer exists.

It came like a cloud
that appeared out of nowhere,
like an unexpected storm
upon my shores without warning.
One moment there was sun,
and the next,
darkness.

No matter how many  
obstacles life throws at me,
I will always love you,
and will fight such obstacles
to hold on to and cherish
the miracle that is you.

I want to feel what they feel,
and dream what they dream.
It must be nice to have a heart like that.
Sometimes I remember what it was like
to have that spark, the joy, the dreams,
the hunger for it all before
it was extinguished.

There are still stars
in the sky where you sed to twinkle.
Sometimes I am lucky to witness
a shooting star when we talk
but that is fleeting in an
otherwise dead sky.

You may not be here anymore,
but were you ever really here?
You did a great job acting
that I truly believed you cared,
at least for a while, and worse,
that you actually loved me.

Why do we bottle it in,
and hold ourself together
in front of strangers who
do not care nor matter?

One day,
someone will want
your smile as the first image
they see for the rest
of their life.

Dear diary;
I cannot handle my mind anymore.
The world is moving too fast
and the thoughts keep racing.
Society is foreign to me as they are cruel,
and I cannot handle them anymore.

I live my life through you,
it's incredible,
it's like I'm living two lives at once.
I may walk alone but our hearts beat as one
and I may sleep alone but we dream as one.
It's like I am in two places at once,
through you and me
until we reunite.

Do you not know
that you are mine, and I am yours?
That your dreams are mine,
and that our hearts beat as one?
We may be separated but never apart
for we are one in blood, one in soul.
Everywhere you go, I go too,
We breathe the same air.

Never forget this heart beats for you,
that I need you to remember me.  
Know you are ever-present in my sky
for you are the only star I see,
whether it be sunshine or twilight.
You are the song of birds in that sky
and I hope the song will never end.

Sometimes we just need a hug
for no reason at all.
Sometimes its best to
bury yourself in someone
and in that space, find yourself.
Sometimes we just need the warmth
of skin against skin and
in that warmth, find joy.

I want to wrap “I love you,"
onto every curl on your head
so that you can hear a chorus of
"I Love you's" each time with each
brush plucking your hair like a harp.

When someone
is going through a storm,
your presence alone can be as
powerful as a sail to
guide them home.

Isn't it ironic how
heartbreak can make you
push people away when all
you want is love.

How hard it is to
want you and not have you
since you are not here

9:18 AM
24/9/23

What hurts more:
Hearing the truth or
ignoring it?

Are you tired from
how much you have done
or are you tired from
the weight of
the world?

I do envy the ocean.
They call its darkest parts
mysterious,
not ugly.

Most people are temporary.
Some of them can help you along your path
or even guide you on a new path
while others can get you lost
or even put you down
a dangerous path.

You are my sun,
and I am your moon.
Find your way to me across
the skies, the land and the oceans
and meet me at dawn.

Our story may have
been painful but it was my
favourite one to read

8:49 PM
16/9/23

In this heart I hold your smile
every second of every minute
of every hour of every day
as its warmth and joy
will nourish this soul.

How time flies
when my lips meet yours.
I close my eyes and
time does not
matter anymore.

What if the flowers of spring won't blossom?
What if I never run through the fields again?
What if I can't make it through the winter?
What if I may never see you again?
What if you won't wait for me anymore?
What if we won't find a way?

Are you drifting from me?
Or am I drifting from you?
The seas are against us and I fear
I will soon be a dot on your horizon,
the same dot at the end of a question mark
that may be forever left unanswered.

We are all just wicks
clinging to the light as we burn
through time,
yet no candle
can burn forever.

If I get used to
your touch then
I fear I would not be able
to let you go.

I hope you win all the
wars you keep to yourself-
the ones you tell
no one about.

Sometimes I stop
and remember you.
I remember what it was like
to hold you, to see you smile,
and I smile just thinking about it.
I don’t want to stop thinking about you,
writing about you, sighing for you.
I long for the day I can
call your name once more and
you come running back into my arms.
I want to always be there for you.

Sometimes I wake and
remember you like a sunflower
remembers the sun on a stormy night.
Indeed, your sunlight blessed
the garden of my soul and
left life and joy in its wake.
The warmth of your touch,
the illumination of your smile
blooms a thousand sunflowers
that make up this soul.