Nevertheless,
I keep on writing to the dream
of what I imagined
we would share.

Nobody wants to
be sad but we're human and
no one's free of it

9:32 AM
19/8/23

Have you fallen in
love with a dream that you could
never make come true?

9:06 PM
17/8/23

It is difficult for me to recall your face,
not because I do not remember,
but because of the pain it recalls.
It is not the face I remembered,
nor the one I fell in love with.
You were someone else back then,
and you may as well have had
a different face.

Just because you
have a damaged past,
does not mean you
have to have a damaged future.

I have now realized that
there is no place in this world
for me without you.
There is no star where you do not twinkle
nor sunflower where you do not blossom.
Indeed, I will always carry you with me
no matter where I go,
and no matter the time.

I want to write your name on the sun.
I want to tell the sun how your smile
burns brighter than a thousand suns
and about how galaxies revolve
around the purity of your soul.
I want to tell the sun how your beauty
rivals that of any shooting star and how
the trails your smile leaves fill me with joy
and the inspiration I need to write these words.

The soul is a funny thing-
in one moment, joy,
and in the next one, sorrow.
The landscape of the soul
is as changing as the sea
caught up in a storm of emotions.

"Why do I feel you letting go of me?"
I think to myself, a thought I have far too often.
And I wonder,
do you feel it too?

I am still enduring the pain
from loving you.
I loved you so much that
my soul was set aflame.
and I had to burn a thousand times
to be born again, and to forget you.
And just like the phoenix,
here I am, I am reborn.
Now I ache for all that love
I did not know how to
restrain with you.

If I loved it was you,
If I dreamed it was of you,
If I felt it was for you.

There are  many who
do not like truths because they
are so full of lies

7:54 PM
1/8/23

Modern love story:
two people and neither of
them want to text first

9:08 PM
29/7/23

So many places to travel,
wisdom to obtain, music to hear
books to read, poems to write,
people to meet, food to eat,
all in this one life to live.
One life is not enough.

Time and distance may have frayed
what we had, and what we could have had.
Yet I am still missing you and
missing what could've been and
missing what will never be.
And even though you are far away now,
just know that you are in my thoughts,
that you are in my heart,
that you are wanted by my side.

And through the distance,
I still feel the warmth of your smile,
so close I hold it to my heart.
This soul kisses you from across the sea
as all I can do is wait for you
to come home.

The mere act of thinking about you
takes me to the cosmos and beyond,
that is why I love to write you,
all of you, my inspiration and
absolute devotion.

I wish I could mute
myself from overthinking-
how convenient

5:25 PM
20/7/23

I don't know you anymore
and that is both beautiful
and terrifying at
the same time.

As long as your love
is absent from your heart,
nothing can save
nor help you.

The sun goes down
and I take comfort in the night.
I wait for the moon to return,
and with him, the shadows,
silence and solitude.
It is at night where
I can forget about reality and
the bustle of everyday life.
It is at night where I can breathe,
to take inspiration from the darkness
and let the mind run free.

A thousand laughs,
a million smiles,
countless memories that fill our lives.
Each one timeless and forever
stored in our hearts.

For as long as I have known you,
I have wondered how such a tiny girl
can hold so much love.
Indeed, you may be small but
you have the biggest heart
I have ever seen.
How can so much love and beauty
fit inside the small being
that is you?

One look to the stars
to find no name nor face in
the constellations

10:23 AM
16/7/23

I will wait for this to pass,
sometimes, that's all you can do.
I will pray it to go away,
this is what desperation does.
I will wish for it to never return,
I wish this every time.

I have lost so much
and one more thing won't make a
difference - I'm at peace

4:12 PM
29/6/23

It does not matter
anymore but that does not
mean it does not hurt

8:50 PM
23/6/23

Some pains can go unseen,
rather, they are carved into the soul,
an endless chasm that bleeds forever.
These pains are silent to the world,
but they tear us apart from within.
And only from deep within
are crying out so loud that
only our demons can hear.

Dear Diary;
for far too long
you made me believe that
if I was not good enough for you
than I must not be good enough
for anyone else in
this world.

Try ween yourself off
of the need for attention
and see what happens

6:01 PM
19/6/23

I am the last of
my kind and hopefully the
only one you'll meet

12:18 PM
17/6/23

I still think of you.
My heart still aches for you
as it waits to be with you again.
Until then, I must keep you in my thoughts
and in my heart with all my love.

Does my cat
still look over you
like I told him to all those years ago?
I made him promise to protect you,
as I wish I could from afar.
But time has a funny way
of changing our lives,
just look at how far we've come!
After all this time and he still follows you,
across the ocean, in winter and in darkness.
Every now and then he tells me of your flourishing
and I could not be any more proud.
One thing I know for certain that
has not changed is my promise to the cat.
To this day he still watches over you,
admires and adores you.
I think he always will.

There are some people
in my past who aren't welcome
in my present life

1:21 AM
27/5/23

There is no such thing
as a life without pain.  
Pain follows from the cradle to the grave.
From the moment our mothers suffered
to give birth to us,
to the moment it all ends,
life is one big, precious, painful process.
So embrace the pain,
let it shape you, liberate you, learn from it!
Pain is a part of life so you may as well
learn to embrace it.

It is time for you to let it go.
Only you can be the one to erase,
to rise above and to move on.
Fill your garden with new seeds
and learn to love
what will blossom.

Solitude is not
about where I am, it is
about who I am

6:05 PM
21/5/23

The sunflowers remind me of you.
Indeed, I crave the warmth of your body
and your vibrant soul that would
brighten each and every day.
Your light lifts shadows
from this bleak soul
and plants sunflowers
in this heart.

How easy it is to weep
at the memory of you.
I could never forget you
wherever you are in this world.
I have never felt this abandoned since you left,
it's like a piece of my heart went across the sea
never to return to this chest.

You took away
my desire to need love.
For some reason, I accepted it,
and I do nothing to change it.
It is like a curse I must endure.
How much longer must this go on?
Do I hold onto this curse to
avoid more pain and heartbreak?
I have carried this curse for too long
to remember how you made me feel
all that time ago.

You are the warmth from
the sun for all these blooming
flowers in my heart

10:47 PM
14/5/23

Can you understand my hesitation?
No one has loved me as you have.
You give me everything and expect nothing in return.
My happiness seems to be your primary goal
and for that I am forever grateful.
Still, some days are harder than others.
I try not to let the pain and the heartbreak
get in the way but old habits die hard.
We all deserve to be loved, don't we?

We are at our
most vulnerable
when we are in love.
The power to ruin lies
in their hands because
our heart is open.

Even while you're gone,
You will remain in this heart
for you are the rhythm of its beat,
the source of its love and joy.
You are inseparable to this heart
as I am to yours
for we share the same
rhythm and blood.

I wish you
were still here
so that I could wrap
my arms around you
so that you can feel
all of this love
I have for you
but cannot say.

Dear diary;
I have always felt this disconnection
with the rest of the world, with society,
but that is nothing new.
I thought I would have overcome it by now,
but sadly, that is not the case.
It has lingered over me for as long
as I can remember and I have never
felt more alone than right now.
This alienation to everyone I meet,
who have loved me and those I loved
leaves me with an inescapable shame.
I still have not found myself
and I don't think I ever will.

I just want to sleep,
but life calls me again,
along with the moon and darkness.
I'd like to sleep,
but this mind is filled with dreams,
and sometimes nightmares.

Sometimes I want to scream it,
Sometimes I want to take all this love
and give it wings, send it
across the sea so that it
can hug you, kiss you,
and keep you warm
while I am gone.

There is nothing
to fear from silence.
Silence can be a
beautiful thing so learn
to embrace it.

Anxiety,
it is born of the mind,
it racks my bones and
makes a home in
every fiber of
my being.