"Love is giving up someone for someone.
Love is waiting for the right timing.
Love is crying your eyes out but still sharing your umbrella."

Tonight, I sleep with a heavy heart.
Knowing that my parents are in for
Something they'll regret l
Knowing that I could have stood up for my sick mom to my drunk dad
But never did because
I was a disaster myself

I know I'm not getting any sleep tonight.
My brain and my imagination will run wild
Creating scenarios that might have happened

This always happens.
I drag my body to sleep but
A wave of overthinking wipes me out
And brings me back to shore

Every night I pray that
I get amnesia when I wake up
But then again I don't want to forget
The feeling of falling in love and being loved.
I don't want to forget the oranges and lemons life has given me through family and friends.

Tonight, I sleep with a heavy heart.
With my sick mom beside me
And a pillow to cry on.

Here's the thing.

I know we fought
I know that you don't feel good about what happened
And so do I.

I'm sorry for not saying this infront of your face
I can't
I'm tired of getting my sentences pushed out of the way
So I decided not to talk.

If you read this, you probably think I'm asleep
But I'm not.
How could I sleep when my heart is heavy
And my brain produces thoughts
Like a pendulum that never stops

I'm sorry.

I don't know how to expound on apologies

Maybe apologies aren't meant to be expounded.

This is not a poem.
This is a letter.
This is something that I can never finish.
Because this letter will go on as long as we're together.

So here's to 6 months.
Here's to fights and arguments,
To tears and happiness,
To hugs and kisses.

maybe I don't belong in this world
maybe I was just an accident
maybe I wasn't meant to be created

maybe I loved other people just to hurt them
maybe I shouldn't love because I break hearts and dreams
maybe I should just hide in the corner and cry

maybe I should just disappear and never come back
maybe I should become invisible

no one would care, right?

"Every scar has a story."

Mine's simple.

Suicide.
Harsh words.
Hate.
Love.

Too much things in life.

But I realized that these scars changed who I am.
How I saw myself.

I still have these scars in my arm.
I have scars in my heart that are too deep to forget.
People say time would heal the scars,
but the only thing time can heal is itself.

The bleeding stopped.
But the scar never closed.
I'm scared it would get infected.
I'm scared other people would see it and run away.

Sometimes, I just stare at it.
Questioning what was my intention.
The what ifs.
What if I died?
Would anyone care?
What if it healed?
Would I be the same as everyone else? Blemish free?

I realized that being the same is boring.
A scar represents what you went through.
A scar shows that you're strong.
Never forget the scar.

It's a cold morning after the rain.
I lay on my bed wishing to be next to you.
I know that you are miles away
But just one more time.
How I wish I could lay beside you.

Rain always felt good.
It kept me warm even it was cold.
It called my name when no one did.
It was always there when I needed someone.
It kept me smiling.

Rain came pouring to replace the empty spaces you filled.
I stil felt empty after.
You weren't someone I could replace.
You were someone I had to let go.

I remember the sadness in your eyes.
And my cold stares I would give you.
I remember your rough hands
And how they held me up
So I can see the beauty above the waves.

It's painful to not see you with me.
It's painful to see you with someone else.
I know that I need to let go.
I know I shouldn't feel bad
That I gave you freedom.

But here I am.
Saying sorry to the things I'm not responsible of.
Bumping into problems that I could have faced.

But I didn't.