?????Do you feel that in the air?????
That's static I'm erratic coming right back at it like crackhead addict poetry in the attic its free so have at it misery and symphony gotta combat it leave it be or attack at it

So I decide to show up to the "bubble show". I make eye contact with those green eyes as the little rusty bell sounds my entry. A smile and a wink I approach with a smooth confident stroll. The look on your face, amused and confused. As I lean on the counter the only thing that separated us. You pose your self for an incoming kiss. I lean in close, close enough for that kiss. Instead I whisper softly in your ear "lets play some pinball" setting a rusty quarter down inviting you to play. Locking eyes in a romantic daze you giggle and say "its fifty cents a play".

To those who say suicide is selfish
Understand you can never understand what they delt with
You may say you have it worse than they did
On deeper levels that **** was well hid
Somethings easy to you may be the hardest for others
Its not easy to leave mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters
Your strength my weakness, your weakness my strength
Those who suffer go through many trials of a dark never ending length
Some wear there scars on there sleeves
Others hide it tucked well deep beneath
Help sometimes is not what they really need
I can assure you this wasn't a selfish and greedy deed
They loved you so much, more than you'll ever know
Sometimes in an ironic way the better is finally letting go
Whether you believe in afterlife or rather nothing at all
Remember the best of times and for them stand proud and tall
There being may no longer reside on our earthly plane
But forever in our hearts and mind they shall always remain
We will never fully understand and comprehend
I'm not a religious man but I know we will reunite in the end

Stick me with needles deep into my skin
Extracting the innocence that is held in my mind, deep within
To the social eye I am a monster a demented creep
Behind these scars and sadness better lies beneath
So quick to judge and make an assumption
To fearful to approach, afraid of pushing buttons
I look evil and my poetry is even darker
Separating myself from you all even farther
If you took the time to get to know me
Id bring rest to your worries and curiosity
But make no mistake, you hurt me I will ****
Begging to lock me up because I am mentally ill
I've given my last dime and the shirt of my back
To a homeless man and he was black
Racist, monster, ill tempered, you got it all wrong
Judge me for my looks, my poetry, and my songs
Once that needle is inserted and you take out my seed
Finally you'll realize this world needs misunderstood people like me

It started with friendly innocent chat
Like a magician pulling tricks from my hat
I opened my door of false pleasures
Over love, money, and the rarest of treasures
Like a spooky haunted house I held a surprise
Your so beautiful, your skin, hair, and those eyes
A serenade of love I softly sing from night into day
Knowing the winds will carry my feelings your way

Just like a sucker, I ****** you deep within
What my plans are, are beyond all and every sin
I look to the skies and smile because I know he doesn't exist
Madly laughing and taunting this date you shall not miss
Be here at five for a surprise before dinner is served at eight
Like a helpless naive lost little sheep wandering back home
Inviting you in with intoxicating drinks and **** to get you ******

Make yourself at home, relax, unwind, watch some tv
So excited she graciously smiles and thanks me
I reply with a cursed smile and replied "no, thank you" with a wink
Touching her soft skin I gladly pour her another drink
Its almost time to prepare the meal, would you like to help
So excited she says yes. Yes to her own demise and hell

The drinks finally set in as she helplessly falls to the floor
Dimming the lights and carefully locking all of the doors
Heaping her almost lifeless like body onto the kitchen table
Shaking with knives and tools, feeling quit unstable
I cut deep into her luscious thighs
So out of it, but she still manages to cry
Taking her slabs over to the frying pan
Season to taste I work with haste carefully using my ingenious hands, this beauty will not rot and waste

Glancing to clock, I still have plenty of time
Tonight at eight, you and I love, will finely dine
A little more flesh, a little more meat
You my dear are two weeks worth of white meat treats
Almost eight and nearly done on time and this meal is free
Its not me going deep into you, its you going deep into me

The date I ate at eight was magnificent indeed
Draining her of life and blood for two weeks I will feed
Packaging leftovers placed in the freezer nice and sealed
Back to the computer, patiently looking for my next meal

A handful of sleeping pills and some beer
Reckless behavior I engage because I longer care... Its near
The only people that love me are judgemental *******
That's ok though.
Because when I am dead and gone you'll pretend you care
I seen it first hand weeping because I am no longer there
I sit here and think about me and my pain

Thoughts of suicide I try and refrain
It only gets harder though
As I mentally spiral out of control
Ill leave behind my writings of poetry
Expressing my distaste in life and ever living agony

if your reading this, than thank you.
the unimaginable feels my head and thoughts  
I'm alone, I'm always alone.  
trying to reach out for friendship and love
But I'm just a suicidal, depressed freak
I've fallen victim to my own critical thinking
Things are strange. very very ******* strange
I have this feeling like a feeling never before
Its far from happiness and hope. its empty and dark
I'm still ok to smile twitch I'm trying, ok?  
where is everyone? Why is no one here?
Alone, nobody to talk to but myself and I scare me
phone calls never answered, same with texts  
All I ever did was care and give a ****
I guess not enough for me.  
not enough for me.
that doesn't matter though. does it? twitch
what is this feeling? Did I do something wrong?
I always **** it up. every time. I'm no good. Or am I?
what is happening? I'm still alone. I just need a friend.  
I can no longer save myself from me.
A simple friend someone just who will listen.
pretend to care! because I longer do.
The feeling twitch its scaring me. where are you?
anyone at all? Is this death? Heaven? Hell?
I'm going under now, please grab my hand.