Our love is like a time capsule-
I put it in the ground
.

I longed to go to sleep every night
With someone I felt safe with
Someone who would take care of me
With somebody who really loved me
I wanted to be held
And my heart to be full
I looked for it in people
Who were nothing but frames
I fell asleep next to men who lied to me
I let people who have hurt me hold me
I’ve abandoned myself again and again
In pursuit of some kind of safety
It’s twisted
The desperation for that security
Left me in situations that depleted me
And now
Every night
I fall asleep with someone who has promised
To take care of me
Promised to love me
Become my sense of safety
I know that I can trust them
And I know that they will not abandon me
I know that all I invest
Will be worth it one day
And every night
I fall asleep

Alone

I didn’t smoke before I went to sleep last night

And I thought about your arms the whole time

What a privilege, I said

I want to see you again

So I am sober

You looked at me
And said
If I closed my eyes
I’d be willing to die for you
The air outside was so cold
And I was In need of someone’s attention
So, violently
I cling to you
For some kind of September’s worth
For someone close to home
Who I would have no future with
I was tired
Of staying in my room day after day
I was tired of being alone
I wasn’t going to let my one life slip away
So I looked down
And I decided the ground wasn’t that scary
And if I just gave my self
A little longer
Everything would be so much better
At this point in time
I felt powerful
At this point in time
I was hopeful I’d survive
And then I
closed
my eyes

In trauma class
They tell you
A victim
Will blame themselves first
Will internalize a space of fear
Of their own creation
You ever notice that?
She says
A glance across the room
What
I whisper back
And then she says
Warm breath against
your lips-
Creation
Is only for God  
And

children.