Our love is like a time capsule-
I put it in the ground
.

I didn’t smoke before I went to sleep last night

And I thought about your arms the whole time

What a privilege, I said

I want to see you again

So I am sober

You looked at me
And said
If I closed my eyes
I’d be willing to die for you
The air outside was so cold
And I was In need of someone’s attention
So, violently
I cling to you
For some kind of September’s worth
For someone close to home
Who I would have no future with
I was tired
Of staying in my room day after day
I was tired of being alone
I wasn’t going to let my one life slip away
So I looked down
And I decided the ground wasn’t that scary
And if I just gave my self
A little longer
Everything would be so much better
At this point in time
I felt powerful
At this point in time
I was hopeful I’d survive
And then I
closed
my eyes

In trauma class
They tell you
A victim
Will blame themselves first
Will internalize a space of fear
Of their own creation
You ever notice that?
She says
A glance across the room
What
I whisper back
And then she says
Warm breath against
your lips-
Creation
Is only for God  
And

children.

I never loved you because I was lonely
I was lonely because I loved you.