In the haze of alcohol,
I found out the truths of the matter before anyone else.
I found the contradicting schemes I've placed myself in.
A person of honor and code I couldn't be;
Inside lurked a darkness.
My emotions were too flamboyant for even my own body to handle.
Pour the glass, hold the ice.
I need to feel fire in my veins,
Clouds in my head.
I need haze.
At home,
I've learned what caged animals knew,
The truth about fear,
The motivator for who I am.
Reasons why I've always needed someone to explain who I am.
to
tell me I'm not who I really think I am.

This...
Us.  
Was never suppose to happen,
to taste nectar from you, to taste what I've always yearned
Addiction, to the taste of you
In my frenzy, I've lost chunks of who I am
Of where I'm going, of whom you really are
I've lost my center and allowed the plummet
Bruises left scars  
that didn't stop me from reaching
Nor being molded for you,  
I've liked it.  
Thoughts echoes in my head
only a taste of you brought my descendant  
leaving me in a state of jelly limbs and uncontrollable emotions
no rational thinking to stop the exploration of your hands inside
Nor stop you from dropping me to the floor
Nor banging against cabinets
Nor the plunging of head first diving for my yearnings
My daily supplies of drug dose
My dopamine, my oxytocin, 20 seconds worth of pleasure
My daily supply
Nor to stop me from running after you when you couldn't care less
I think I finally understand why people run away from love
It's terrifying
for,
I've lost myself to you