Have you ever held someone for the last time?

But not physically.

Have you held the thoughts, the memories, the love, the pain, the vulnerabilities, the pictures, the songs, the texts and secrets of someone for the very last time..?



I have.





Have you ever told a lie that held some truth?

But not completely mean it.

Have you ever told someone that you're okay, when you're depressed, miserable, and completely torn apart. But yet in some twisted, and sick way you are okay. Because unhappiness is all you've ever known...?



I have.






Have you ever broken someones heart?

But didn't regret it.

Have you ever put your heart on the line for someone you value above and over anyone and anything in this world, but broke your own heart in the process because what was best for them, wasn't best for you..?



I have.



Have you ever wanted to just not feel anymore?

But you're in love with pain.

Have you ever just wanted to take a bottle of pills, or walk out in front of a moving car just because, life is too hard. You don't want to be alive anymore but yet, in all the chaos, you find peace in your misery because out of everything that never stays. Out of everything that changes and altars, it's always been there for you. To wrap you up in a blanket of depression and tuck a pillow of anxiety under your head. While singing a song of your worst fears as you close your eyes and drift into a second reality filled with the monsters in your head.

I have.


Have you ever fallen in love..?

But not in reality.

Have you ever fallen in love with the imagination of something that you know you'll never reach, touch, hold, find, or ever see. Have you ever fallen in love with the pictures the demons in your head paint? Have you ever written down how you feel into a million tiny words then set fire to them and watch them go up in smoke much like your efforts, and possibly entire life..?

I have.

blankets laid
like pastry
twirled and
crinkled
made to nestle
precious
heads
in bed of
curled and
covered comfort
buttered

​
wrapped up
little packages
alive and
breathing
​

heaving breaths
of depths
unknown to
waking worlds
through softened
lungs and throats
and mouths
and gooey
molten middles
​

with shield of
fragile sleep
held up
to barricade in
and barricade out
​

as steam floats
gentle warm
and wistful
blissful up
from tender
scalps
​

from dreams
in gold and
chocolate



© 2017 Adelaide Heathfield

i knew that something was going to happen
because i could hear the bees swarming and
buzzing inside the hollow place in your chest
(which only you believed to be hollow)
there was a restless energy about you last august
you could see it and smell it and hear it
i even tasted it in that vegan pizza you made for us
i felt a push coming, and i was hoping that it
would finally move the negative thoughts and
feelings that clung to you like a shrouded mist
but it was me that you pushed away in the end,
with the might that you'd been building up for years
it was me, and i wish i'd realized that before
i gave whatever was left of me to you
praying that it would somehow be like a rope
you could grab on to, so i could save you from
the pit of your despair
but you never wanted saving
and you never told me that

The way people perceive you isn't gospel
You're one of those flowers freckled alongside the highway
Always mistaken as a ****

(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

If you only knew
The power I had
Over you

ADDICTION

If you hear
The verses
Wrap soft
Around your head

POET

Just in case
Someone hasn't
Told you
I'm taken

PURSUIT...

INTENTTION

To take half
Of what you've given me
And more from
What I'm making

KICK HABBIT

Do not feel defeat
Fear defeat
Look at it
Stab it
And say, "Here want some?"

Loose Change

Just another
Pent up broken game
Of why brothers
Can't play
White folks way

Wait we over
That trip
Or was we
Yeah anyway!

Just playin, lol
Y'all have a great day!