No other man has made me feel so foolish.
Driven me to snoop and peek.
To prowl and scheme.
No other man has done this to me.
Made me question his story everytime he'd leave.
Never have I been with a man, who promised me he'd cheat.
How blind do I have to be?
I'm finding out....
Through this disgusting jealousy.

Probe me antagonists,
For I am no longer afraid-
Of your shunning or your lynching,
Or stoning, or blade.

You all stare with luscious eyes,
Jealous, cruel-fiends.
Malicious and vindictive,
Hating by all means.

Under the sheets-
Gasping beyond belief,
You kick me,
I can not breath.

No longer am I easy,
No longer  tease to please.
Sick with rage and frustration,
Consumed like a disease.

I know when you lie to me,
The only question is why?
Who said you could judge?
Who made you GOD when they died?

Stare at me, look into my eyes!
Oh how I trusted you and you made me cry!
Let down, alone
I crumble by his side.

Running from reality, he holds me at night.
When silent sobs seep from inside.
I wanna scream, but instead I hide.
And sedate myself from your hellish wealth,
And your perfect life,
And your easy ride.

I'm alone and I'm fine.
I do not need you to pry.
Or to pity me as I die.

Twisted and dismayed;
I am ******- but definitely unafraid.
Foolish and used,
Ill live to see another day.

And the pain you caused will finally fade.
And the love we knew will be replaced.
I'm moving on and out of place.
I don't need you, or your approving face.
And all of its grace.

Your drama and chilling pace-
Graphic and slow, savor the chase.
God what a waste.
People just love to hate.

'Round and 'round,
Stuck in their rut of a mental state.
Dyeing, hell-bent on leaving a trace,
On hurting and watching me break.

Karma neither is predictable,
Nor is it fast.
One day you'll bear the burden
And the pain of an outcast.

The house I lived in was like a chorus
of five-hundred elementary school-age children,
singing with all their might.

No mention or worry
to whether they hit the right note or not,
all that matters is that they try.

The air rings with carefree melody,
dancing and charismatic.
Rhythmic- full of life, love, and passion.

The house I lived in was perfect--
in all its imperfection.

I'm pretty sure all poetry has left me.
As if it just packed up and hit the road.
Like my words no longer dance or sing.
Like they have forgotten all melodies.
Assimilated tone deafness.
Compound letdowns retract vulnerabilities.
Brick walls and leather skin replace possibilities.
Reckless love and whimsical fantasies,
Replaced by ***** diapers and piles of laundry.
Consonants and vowels blend to mush.
Aches and accomplishments are one in the same.
All of my agony has turned to apathy,
And I wonder.
How could I let poetry walk away from me?
How have I become so broken that I can no longer write?
Words have no ability to woe me.
Vocabulary is no longer my saving grace.
Void of creativity.
Like somehow life has gotten too messy for me to express.
Series of catastrophes and celebrations run together.
And I feel lost.
And I feel blessed.
But oh so empty.
Poetry come back to me.

Lyrical—
like poetry in motion.
Rhythmic—
like the motion of the ocean.

Fluid like a breeze
passin with great ease,
Movin through the branches
Dancin through the leaves.

Flowin like my mind,
Going over time,
puffin on some trees,
Like truth I’m bout to find.
Stayin on my grind.
Leavin fear behind.
Blastin through the cosmos
like my stars are all aligned.
Quantum physics redefined,
The beauty of being kind.
Travel thru dimensions,
A universal mastermind.

This illusory time
alluding to retain us-
Yet the conscious mind
refuses to contain us.

Recondition of the masses,
Before time comes to pass us.
before it’s all too late
Start movement to change
Let’s wake each other up
Let’s take control over our fate.

Again and again,
Love it till it’s over,
live it till it’s fin.


A reflection of your life spent,
a vessel that you’ve been lent,
so go forth with intent.

Gratitude for all worth
Know you are important
Every breath, and all birth.

Your light that resides true
In the poetry inside you.
The vibration stays fluid,
Like the love that is intuit.
You’re a medium— a conduit.
Yeah, now you’re catchin onto it.

High frequency—-
Waves of love
True vibrancy,
Bonds—-
you are free of.

Faith in self,
No need for vaunt,
lovin what you have
not havin what you want.
Give it all you got
till you got nothin left,
Then take the deepest breath
And give it once again.

The lady on the land
knows she cannot swim.
With just a toe,
she tests the flow,
and dreams of jumping in.

The lady in the sea
prays to be a tree.
And hopes one day
that the plans she made
will finally come to be.

The lady in the sky
no longer wants to fly.
But still she's stuck,
nowhere but up-
and has no idea why.

The lady of the air
warns them of a tare,
they would create,
if one was late,
leaving nothing but despair.

Feeling like a waste of human life
seems to be disgustingly more and more
familiar to me each day.
With every breath I take,
I can’t help but to feel it is misplaced.

I feel like drowning,-
just compiling all this hate,
all my fears, my repressed anger,
my feelings of loss, and self loathing,
and taking them-
and letting em' eat away at my pores-  
letting em' impregnate my lungs-
as I wither,
until nothing more but a hollow shell remains.

I feel like setting fire to this face.
Taking that cheap molten metal,
and instead of to my wrist,
applying it to my brain;
letting it simmer and burn until there is no more pain.
I choose to wallow, dwell, and hold onto this rage
for reasons we call,
"insane".

I constantly, consistently,
no matter the consequence,
or the grief I may bring,
sabotage anything I could possibly EVER have going for me.
I am my own worst enemy.
I feel like I am screaming.
Like every fight we ever had,
I was blatantly clear of what it is I fear,
but I am wrong,
I didn’t tell you once what was REALLY going on.

Not once did I say I just feel useless today.
I miss my brother and his familiar face.
I think about him with every heart beat,
living in a tent, fighting this war of greed,
just counting down until he can finally be-
returned home to his loving new family.
I hold him very close to my heart,
and his absence is quite frankly,
TEARING me apart.

I wish He could have been here for our Father in his time of need.
I know Dad wishes that too.
I wish I knew how to deal with loss better.
I only feel guilt, and bitterness.
I feel like in the years I have been alive,
that I should have DONE MORE!
I should have gotten to know my grandfather before-
it was too late.
What a selfish, putrid being
I have grown to be.

I wish my brother could see
our beautiful Mother finally
get the wedding she always dreamed.
Instead….
He will only see pictures.
He will only be with us in our hearts,
and on paper,
and on Anthony’s tux.
I hope Momma takes it well.
It will be an ever bittersweet memory.
What irony.

I have been thinking about using again.
As often as I blink,
I fight this demon inside of me,
just pleading to be set free,
yet instead,
I allow it to consume me.

Falling, flitting, failing, quitting.
A ****** battle that I just can’t seem to win,
silent, yet shrieking
from this prison we call-
“within”.

Sometimes its enough-
no need to carry on.
To continue the letters
that lengthen the song.
That does not matter
for it-
already is done.
Yet you sift through the stars
as if-
there were none.
Go repent, you are
the only one.
Who reminisces the days
when love was sung.
And prevailed and won.
And cheered and hummed.
A time in which
we cared for fun.
Irrelevant now,
enough-
you were wrong.
pointless to try
and lengthen the song.

Sometimes I like to stare in the mirror.
Not because of vanity.
Not because of conceit.
Purely to see my own energy.
To look straight into my own soul.
My reflection releases me,
Reminds me this is just temporary.
I love to look at myself,
And notice something new everyday.
The days pass and I change.
I grow.
Not up or down.
But sideways.
And around.
I reflect on the past.
And even the future too.
I look in the mirror and I see.
I see.

True bliss comes
in reinvention of the self,
when zero
expectations are held.

Yet you still
have full faith
in the numerous
possibilities that await.

Quitting is never easy.
Falling into the mundane,
Living in the crevices of routine,
Now that's simple.
Not a problem.
Repetition comes like a dance.
You reside in each move,
Numb,
Mindless.
Muscle memory does all the work.
Until the music runs out.
And you stand without motion.
Without direction.
You realize you have been dancing,
For ages,
But have no idea what moves you even made.
Hollow,
Yet you have this dance.
Activivating automatically.
And as the awareness grows stronger,
That urge to repeat,
Grows dimmer and dimmer.
Until one day finally,
After ages of practice,
The music begins
Yet you refuse to dance.

Lamenting lost love
hidden behind harmonies,
(synonymous to symphony)
resonates absently.
Like making love
to a stranger.
Like you make love
to me.
Void of all passion,
like revenge of apathy.
Apathetic entirely,
the emptiness that fuels you
emphasizes decrees.
Standard-less standards
validate your need
to dismantle the mantled,
and devour the diseased,
to command and to seize,
to exploit the exploited,
and explore every scene—
every pelvis, and every scream.

How did I fall for such a—
loveless being?
Better yet,
How do I disintegrate re-memories,
Or abolish aplitic fallacies,
and survive soullessly?
(How must I do these things!?)
Here I plead
surrounded, unattentively,
summoning recognition
for the being
whom resides in me.

Resurrecting old wounds,
(chore almost seems daily)
almost seems like it’s alive,
like maybe one day
it might save me.
More likely, one day
it will concave me.  

But without knowledge
there is no upset.
And no upset means
no you and me.

Luminescent sacrifism
concocting inside
this bountiful prism.
Succumb to division,
reciprocations to decisions
unholy in thought
occupying this prison.
Unknown-
the only variable that's given.
Uncover the conspiracies
in this tank that you live in.
Revealing whats hidden,
believe and be smitten.
Luminescent little prism,
dreaming this dream
of a bountiful
sacrifism.

Living in a sea
boiling everything but fear,
bodies of memories,
people disappear.
Engraved in my portrait,
your crystal chandelier,
loud and uncanny,
as the smoke begins to clear.
the ticks I don’t hear
stir the bleeding in my ears,
and the love that wont appear
surely contradicts my tears.
Its all too ‘perfect’ in here.
I begin to melt
the hope that felt
all too real
to be anything else.
Imposter!
Unwilling to forgive,
disinclined to help.
I thought I was a friend
but you only wished me hell.
Repent!
You don’t consume me that well,
drown someone else with that sedated swell.
Melancholy about how this came to be,
your nothing more
than another sick memory.

I could sit here with you
                                                forever.
Sta­ring into the sky.-
Melting into your           soul.
Not needing noise.
Modestly moving,
Embracing each-others warmth.
You owe me nothing,
Yet you offer the
                                               world.
I love you, ILoveYou,          I          LOVE          YOU!!!

             ­                     You are the roots
                                                           ­           To my tree.

You sure are a tricky one
creeping inside my thoughts.
Suppressed my memories as well as I could,
but your spirit I haven't forgot.
Lovers, we were not.
Companions-
you always fought.
But yet I bleed,
for your soul I need.
To share this
wealth of knowledge
I bought.
Missing your words,
beyond conceived.
self-infliction,
aware-
I created this grief.
Knowing full well
the solution I seek.
Hiding from you,
for I'm just too weak.
And fear that if we speak
you will cower in disbelief.
You will un-hide,
the scars inside,
that nobody wishes to see.
I do miss you friend,
return soon to me please.

Near 90 degrees outside today.
I did go out there once, maybe twice.

I'm wearing a sweatshirt (with the hood up)
and some basketball shorts
('cause it is near 90 degrees out today).

Lingering stares and strange faces
burn holes in the side of it.

"Whats with the hoodie?" she said.
I grinned the utmost, forged,
forced pirate-smile, i had faked,
in the longest of long whiles.

I pivoted to hide my tears.

"Its nearly 90 degrees outside,"
she is saying.
...little does she know...
inside this hood-
its raining.

my only memory of you now.
many moons ago.
language barriers between us.
but you seemed happy.
seemed to smile.
a universal language.
emotion.
even dogs speak it.
dominoes.
and crystal light.
spanish conversations.
my imagination
could only fill.
but smiles.
dad looked so proud.
proud to see us all-
in one room,
in one state.
i hope you made it
to the golden gates.
i hope he gives you the key.
i can't wait to meet you there.
one day.
so we can finally converse.
and reminisce.
universally.

Turning arrows into flowers
Morphing heartbreaks into superpowers
Changing losses into lessons
And bending betrayals into blessings

I love to see people
LOVE one another.
I miss those days
of passing notes
and meeting in person
just to say hey.

Or those long nights
of chatting on the phone for hours.
Listening to slow jams and
telling each other your greatest desires.

Full of Romance.
Filled with Friendship.
Loads of Laughter.

Technology,
both the curse
and the blessing.

Can you feel that?
Wait close your eyes.
Let it in.
Let the ecstasy begin.

Do not fight-
predestined right.
And remove your mind from sin.

And breathe within the wind.
Savor it,
until its dimmed.

Diminish the pain,
dismayed in vain.
Embrace true happiness from within.

Can you feel that?
Can you feel it under your skin?
Tickling inside-
as if the walls could grin.

As if no one told lies.
As if no fear in our cries.

Can you feel that?
Wait-
don't open your eyes.
Can you feel it now?

That is-
the highest high.

In love with life
Though I am not attached.
I am blessed with many gifts,
And loved by those who SEE.
I do fear.
I do loath.
Though mostly I rejoice
Just to be alive.
I see beyond this form.
To the dimensions which dance between.
And when my form here ends,
I know I will still see.
I love my life,
But I am not attached.

Afflicted upon by mass ****** suffering.
Unable to decipher whether internally or ex.
I tremble under the wash of black that engulfs all light touches.
Blurred vision, impaired by sheer surprise.
Alone and ripe.
Black and blue.
Inside and out.
I fight for nothing;
For a man that knows no loyalty.
Broken hand.
Broken heart.
Broken home.
Four years of come and go,
Two and fro,
Back and fourth,
Lie some more.
Four years I'd loved him.
Forever in my heart.
Foolish I chose such, no honor,
no respect.
Little effort. Lazy ***.

In a broken bond,
Uncontested disarray
Retrieves this love,
For which, neither convey.

In an unholy testimony,
Vows they bleed
Upon half-heart promises,
And lies we believed.

Contradictions and misconceptions
Are the sum of our demise.
He wallows in self-pity,
This comes as some surprise.

All of these truths
Hadn't long been subdued;
Yet he weeps incessantly,
As if he had no clue.

As if he had no chance,
No reason or rhyme.
As if I never told him,
As if he hadn't had the time.

Whites now blend
To blacks and blues.
Increasing injustice
Distinguished the two.

In this *******,
Sedation suggests-
Temporary comfort
While we fail this test.

Retrieving this love,
For which neither of us convey,
Our bond is broken-
Uncontested disarray.

I could take advantage of you,
Use you as I please.
Steal from you,
Lie to you,
Make you beg on your knees.
I could make you love me,
Give me everything you've got.
Yearn for me when I demand,
Do anything on the spot.
Foolish as you are,
As enticing as I may be,
You have not a single clue
Of the things you do not see.
I am an evil spirit,
The devil if you will,
You cannot see me,
You cannot hear me,
But trust me, you do still.
Hostile take over,
Of your body, of your mind.
User down to the bone,
So get loaded one more time.

daddy.
im utterly helpless.
and yes i blame you!
i've become a disease,
infecting all i touch.
grim as it is,
as aware of it as i may be,
infectious i still remain.
i still blame you.
for we are interminable.
for we are completely alike.
pride established dominance,
a mind capable of enormous leverage.
a cruel mind.
he was your only ecstasy.
only room for your son
not me
everything afterwards savored of anti ******.
lonely and neglected,
i finally give in,
too proud for too long.
i blame you!
fearful to confess....
im utterly helpless

And tonight before I rest my head,
I have one last request.
Dear Lord I ask for peace of mind,
And strength to do my best.

I ask You only of simple things,
Though knowing I'm eternally ******,
Please know the carcasses under my bed
I physically reprimand.

I pray for courage to persist,
And will to not stray.
I plead for the wisdom to see the light
And endure another day.

Lastly I beg before I respite
To remind me of my place,
Illustrate Your beauty day after day
And overwhelm me with your grace.

Amen