It's hard to think of what's right now because
I don't really know.
Life seems kind of silly:
Liking girls and feeling pain.
Right now if I could
I would leap outside this window.
And I would fly so far you couldn't see me among the stars.
Later I would say hello
Even if you cannot hear.
I would sit and speak to you
A thousand years would go.
Maybe you would smile
As the time goes past.
You ought to be who you are
No matter what's beyond.

I have something within me
That does not belong.
I have some kind of
Pain that refuses to escape.
I am here and
I am myself.

You are away
And you are a lie.

There were no nights
Greater than when
We kissed.
And things are different
You are miles away
While I wait in darkness

Even pain
Is loving
When you
Feel nothing else

I could speak words to
Convince you to love me
As I would like you to.
But I care too much
To let you be
With a creature
As hideous as me

I had wanted ***
When I found love.
Now I want less
Than what I'm rid of,
But pain escapes
My empty shell.
I lie awake
In a cursed hell
Where numbness endures
And death is life

I do not miss a lover.
I lost a friend

You are a poison
That exists only to destroy all that is good.
You are a toxin that seeps through every crack
In all the armour I wore
To try to keep you
From destroying me.
You are a fume
That fills the whole room.
Yet we cannot escape
And there is no cure.
You are family

It's strange how
My outward love
Destroys
Where it should
Create.

Somehow this will **** me.
And that will be okay.
I will lose all control.
And that will be okay.
Somehow I will go backwards.
And that will be okay.
I will be invisible to all.
And that will be okay.
I'll lose all that I love
And somehow it was okay.

There is no goal to reach.
There is no heaven to seek.
Codemn what they teach,
Believe what you see.

If in some strange way
We all shuffle off
The chains that bind us
Without losing ourselves.
Could we live with what
Was real?

All evil has a gain
But I have commited
A great sin
And lost all

There's this girl in my life
That frankly I like.
But for now she won't know
The feelings I hide.
I'm too scared to show
These feelings inside.
So I'll laugh and I'll cry,
I'll dance and I'll sing
'Til one day I try
To soon make you see
That I want you
To like me too.

I've never been good at love
Or loving
Or feeling anything really.
I've felt anger
More than anything else,
But I would let myself
Fall
If it meant feeling
Something more.

I yearn for love
And the simple touch
Of one hand
In mine.

The forces of all nature
Weigh onto me heavily.
All I want is for you to
Look at me
As I look at you.
But how could you?
You are lovely
And I am me.
It's fine though.
I will be happy
When I see you again.

A thousand believers
All chanted in love.
I listened and sang.
I shouted and cried.
"God let me believe."
I tried to call out.
"Please let me feel
The way they do.
I want to believe"

The chant swelled into
A light call for some,
And a desperate plea to me
Until the nothingness gave me
The moment I first believed.

Love is understanding
where you should be.
Near or far

This beautiful girl will never notice me.
She's intelligent and serious, yet silly.
She will never look my way.
I scare people and am just too rude.
She will never think of me.

I desire simply to ask her out.
To go see a few sights and discuss
Something only weird pretentious people understand.
I would love to hold her hand
And hear her sweet nothings.
I would sing and write poems for you.
I would savour every word you said
Because I don't get much.

You would mean the world to me.

I was holding your hand in a dream
So everything left.
I wish for a smile that I cannot bring
To a face that has gone.

You asked me once why I would act
Like I do.
I only ever wanted to selfishly keep
You.

You ran away like a sane person would
So I must ask what you would have said.

That table that day.
When you forgave me, and shook hands.
If I stayed longer, would we have
Understood each other a little?

Or would it end the same with a sad boy and a girl that he will always trust.

I inhale sweet darkness
That consumes my mind.
I dispel purity and innocence
To invite sin and pity in for rest.

"It's bad for you" says the one
That asks me to slow down,
But I only learn less and sink
Deeper into the smooth oblivion
Of a high that lasts only
Until my pain returns.

Somewhere between
Dancing and singing
All music ceased
In the minds
Of those that needed
To hear beauty.

The silence penetrated
Louder than any instrument.

The ******'s
Screams rose
To a cacophony
Of painful hymns
Until the screams
Were hushed
Instantly.

There have been times
That passed by in a blink.

In those days I felt like
They'd never end.

Now I sit alone,
Wondering if days forgotten
May still be remembered.

I know what feeling is,
But do you anymore?

Should we fight together
Or simply fall apart.

Pain hurts more
When you can't feel it.

Songs playing
Remind me of you.
What once was,
What will never be.
Even know my love
Says, I'm sorry.
I can never forget
How selfish I was.

He was wrong
To think he could be.
He is not good.
He is angry.
The boy falls in love
Never stands up.
Now he knows how worthless
He is.

I was blind
When I saw you

I was amazed
When I met you

I cried
When you left me

I cry
When I still want you

If things ended better
Maybe we could say hello.

I'm no good at love
As I search to be happy.
I became wonderful at lust
To find only sadness.

I searched for an answer
By only bleeding questions.

I wanted to hold on tighter
To only lose my grip.

I fell down into myself
Crying to be pulled out.

I'm trapped all alone
Wanting to be free with another.

Now I've lost all
Now I've gained nothing.

The love I desire
From your sweet passion
Shall one day tire.

You may try to forget me
As I try to avoid you,
But with you is where I want to be.

Not kissing in the halls
Not fighting on the phone
Not using your body

Simply sitting there
Looking up at the sky.

The deeper I bleed
The more at home I am

The more I feel
The less I become

Numbness

Simply feeling for the sake of existing
Is all I could ever know

Why do I even live?

I don't deserve my life,
Yet it's never been taken.

Perhaps it would be better if I said goodbye and bled myself dry

I wish to not love
Though love you I must.
My heart's dumb as a dove
For you alone I lust.

We had to say goodbye
Yet I yearn for your kiss.
Though I will never try
To love you like this
Never happened.
Because it did.

Oh flesh that was so sweet
Bring your lips that ours may meet
Lie to me and say you love me
Say I'm the one you want to see.
You went away and now I lack.
I see that now you won't come back

I'm breaking down again
Painfully and slowly.
There is love around me
And I weep.
I pray someone saves me
Before I regret my actions.

In gentle stillness
Everything hurts.
I move so quickly
I fall down harder.
I stop completely
As the world goes by.
When I finally find
A perfect balance,
Everything becomes sharp
And slowly I bleed.

Even tomorrow
You will be missed

I learned to forget.
Forgot how to love.
Loved to be kind.
Kindness is lost.
Lost in your beauty.
Beauty has left.
Leave me be.
Be okay.

Fogotten in mind.
Eternal in heart.

Darkness surrounds
You stick to harm.
Pain sees no bounds
With an alluring charm.

At night it is all.
By light you will fall.
Drown in your blood:
Your personal flood.

Your beauty is beyond compare.
You have eyes that shine,
And beautiful, soft hair.
If only you were mine.

I am not a strong man
Nor am I brave,
But for you I would stand;
It'd be you that I save.

Instead you have left me
And I love you today.
With your light that we see
Why was sanity the price to pay?

I will feel this pain
If you feel it too

Toast to to new sorrows
In those forgotten tomorrows.
To new goodbyes
Because I couldn't say.
To not letting go
While trying to grow.
To misery and pain
Soaking in like the rain.
To a new year of the old
As I quickly grow cold.

I'm too young
To understand;
I wish we never met.

I am over you.
I thought I did not like you.
Now I just want more.

Love is not everything
For we need limits.
Love is left fleeting
For the sad man forgets.

With each other we fell
Apart we fell still.
In love we're not well,
And out we fall ill.

I feel the desire
To once again hold you close.
Good you don't feel it.

I do silly things
Alone in the cold.
For you my heart sings
Until I grow old.
I am scared of your beauty.
I still love your light.
To hide is my duty.
To slip into night.

I chase others to feel warmth.
I push them away to be myself.
I yearn for them to come back to me.
No matter how I grow or change,
Or how many people love me,
I feel alone,
For I always lose those people.