The search will take your breath, but the awakening will restore.

I'm beginning to think I may have lost my purpose.
I have carried the weight of "I'm Sorry" for so long that i almost forgot what it feels like to breathe.
I don't know why I keep so much pain locked up inside myself; I realize my anger and loneliness has changed me into something I never meant to be.
It has transformed me into a person i do not recognize.
Insults from the past hold me at night feeding my soul with lies....,
So much pain.
Everything now is numb..
Completely.
I am slowly being murdered by my own mind... my hands are trembling while I pull at my hair trying to reach inside my mind to the monsters that live in my thoughts.
They are destroying me in and out.
I'm trying to be strong, trying to hold on another day longer, but the pain is getting worse and the urge to cut controls my wrists as my scars ache to be opened again.
Deceivingly these demons taunt me,
"Just a little deeper child..and none of this will matter", they hiss.
So i cut.
A little deeper then usual..
as i drop to my knees, my problems go away, i feel peace for a moment that feels like eternity.
No pain, No memories, No conscious, No feelings.
This is my release.

The bliss of being a child.
No worries, no responsibilities, no bills!
Freshly scratched misquito bites, grass stained jeans, playing hide and seek with fireflies.
The innocence, the love... the unconditonal love.
I wonder who you where before the world made you cold..
What it was, is we were children, we had no idea we was making memories, all we knew was we was having fun.. even if we got into trouble.
Innocent memories flushed away from the dark grasp of life and addictions.
The days i miss so much, i can hardly remember because i spent most of my life trying to get as **ed up as i could so i could forget.