this is a fairy tale
a children's story book
but the pages keep turning
no flourish of "Thee End" in sight
just a plot twist in every paragraph

the damsel has been rescued
prince charming took her hand
together they went off with the setting sun
but the story doesn't end there

it's magic
it's perfect
it's unexpected
so I'll keep reading
a children's story book
this is a fairy tale

Love is never feeling obligated to text them back
but wanting to anyway
Love is wearing watches to make sure you don't break curfew
and then driving too fast to get home on time
Love is awkward hand holding in front of parents
and giggling about it later
Love is never actually saying the words "good bye" as you part at the doorstep
Love is racing thoughts as your head hits the pillow
Love is clumsy hugs and clumsy words
Love is pounding hearts
Love is nonsense conversations
Love is realizing that all your poems are probably about them
and those love songs are now what you blast in the morning

And most importantly, love is what I want to give to you

With our heads held high
And our fists gripped, ready
We're gonna stand tall
And we're gonna march on

it's the kind of crush
where your heart leaps out of your chest
with marionette strings
attached to the rest of your body
and it pulls you tumbling behind
your head screams no
and yes
and no
until you don't even know how you feel anymore
it's marionette strings
on my heart
and they win

Mirror Mirror On The Wall
Who's The Fairest Of Them All

You My Darling
With Head Held High
You My Darling
With Eyes So Wide
You My Darling

Mirror Mirror How Can It Be
That The Fairest One Is Me

You My Darling
With The Future In Your Hands
You My Darling
From Right Where You Stand
You My Darling

Mirror Mirror It Is Me

I like how things have changed
as we learn what to do
with our hands

I've hit a wall
No..
I ran face first into it
With eyes wide open
Thinking I could make it move

cats respond to
squeaky toys
the way you respond to
me

One wrong step
in something you love
and your world comes crashing down
shatters and scatters
you only hope you can gather all the pieces

You explain to friends
family
and almost family
we will all take care of you

The pounding persists
for hours
days
how much longer?

I wish I was a fortune teller
could see into our future
know the exact moment when we find the last piece
to put you together again

We have accepted that you
will never be 100% the same again
but I love you 100% the same way

I now know why I get invested in people.
People are interesting. Interesting in the ways they talk, the ways they step, the ways they carry their shoulders as others pass by. People are quirky. Quirky... but not explainable. We all grow up in the same ways, but with our own little twists that seem to twist us too. People are ordinary... but so very unique. You can generalize all you want, but you'll never be able to describe two people in the same way. Not accurately, at least.
I now know why I get invested in people.
Everything is my own little case study. In my brain that works like a psychologist and makes sense out of the abstract and the patterns of people... everyone is my own little case study. I don't take down data. I don't try to fix people. I don't choose who becomes a case study... because everyone does, and that's just the way my mind wraps itself around the world.
I want to understand people.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
and blue
and sunny
and when it glows magenta with the fading sun
and when the stars leave speckles like freckles and the moon is an eye
You'll never know dear
How much I
Really really like you
no doubts
except you definitely already know this
So please don't take my sunshine away

I want
to put a card in the spokes of my bike
and ride
until the sound drives me crazier

I don't want to
talk
to her
because these things shouldn't be a problem
how do I tell a girl who
literally whispers
about mental illness that she gives me
anxiety
every time I go back to the room and I don't know if she will be there or not
I'm not
afraid
to talk but I'm afraid of confrontation
I
try
to talk to you in the easiest way
by sending a text
and you don't reply

we are living in the same cubical sized
space
so we're gonna need to talk
and you're gonna need to speak up

Thank you for telling me my garbage can
full of paper
was getting molding
because you're trying to find an excuse for being sick
Thank you for never making your bed and
leaving your own two bags of garbage on the floor
Thank you for talking to your mom about me but not talking to me about me
Thank you for asking me about my schedule for next semester to make sure we aren't taking the same classes
but never telling me what you're taking
Thank you, actually thank you, for no longer locking the door when I go to shower
but not actually thank you for not making sure the door is locked before we fall asleep

It's not that I hate you
I just can no longer live with you

Orchestras tuning
Muted voices around you after listening to loud music
Clicks that a guitar makes when you shift chords
Popping of metal bottle lids when you first open them
The excited buzz in a room before a big event
Fat rain drops hitting roofs and thin windows
Quaking aspen leaves
Laughter
Comfortable silence
Vocal only performances

If my freckles are stars
that make up my galaxy
Then are my eyes
supernovas
black holes
that have pulled you into my universe
and decided not to let you go

Someday,
we are going to be looking back at yearbooks,
notes we've written,
other cursed things from the high school years,
and we will find something,
that reminds us of that girl.
We are either going to laugh,
or cry,
or set the thing on fire.
And my god I hope it's all three.

I'm so
SICK
of you supporting everything
HE
does
while you won't even pay for the
ONE
activity I'm in

I'm so
TIRED
of you putting
HIM
in summer classes
when you didn't even let me
PRACTICE
at home for months

I'm so
SICK
of you telling
ME
how you are going to support
HIM
while I'm consistently average

HE HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL
but I couldn't even study in my own home last night
HE HAS TO BRING HIS CELLO HOME
I haven't had my viola home in months
HE IS STILL IN THE STAGE OF WANTING TO PRACTICE
well maybe I want to be good at this too
HE COULD BE SO GOOD
well maybe I could too

sometimes I shut down,
let my phone die,
go mute,
stare into the stars...

sometimes I just get sad,
pour my only energy out in ink,
look to blank walls,
crave your hands for comfort...

Pretty girls
with tears in their eyes
need the world to love them just as much
as the pretty girls
with laughter in their eyes

You should worry
when someone with ocd
tells you the pictures on the wall are crooked
and they don't care enough to fix it

I like fruity drinks
and sugary sweets
no wonder I'm so addicted to your lips

I want to be the pretty girl
The happy girl
The smart girl
The look-at-all-her-talent girl

But that's not the girl I am

I am clumsy with words,
But graceful on my feet.
I am clever,
But with only somethings and sometimes.
I am quiet,
But also loud.
(With all my thoughts shouting)

I am a walking contradiction.
And I can only hope that one day,
I will stumble into another contradiction.
And we will fill in the gaps,
Until we are whole.
And we can both be the pretty girl,
The happy girl,
The smart girl,
The look-at-all-that-talent girl...

3rd degree burns
pierce my chest
every time your name plagues my phone
I'd rather sell my tongue
than talk to you again
chemicals wash my throat and
needles fill my mouth
when I flash you a smile
or have to tell you
one more time
to be good to yourself

I don't have long slender fingers...
                                       Will you still hold my hand?
I don't have pretty flowing hair...  
                                        Will you still run your gentle hands through it?
I don't have a thin beautiful face...
                                         Will you still kiss my check?
I don't have a size two waist...        
                                          Will you still wrap your arms around me?
I don't have all the pieces of my heart but I will still love you
                                           Will you still love me?

Four little letter
should not make
my heart jump