Meeting you was like breathing fresh air while I was drowning,
blue shirt and that shiny hair.
I finally found my reasons to smile again,
It was the best of time,
but it wasn't for long,
distance tore us apart.

Love is a battle,
I don't want to get hurt,
You dont't want to hurt me,
I knew from the start
I would never win,
but what I want you to know is
you're always going to be the
champion of my heart
cause everytime you look at me, I lose my mind.

And just like that
I shattered to pieces

we were laughing right before
expressing love,
devouring each other with love
                   after so many months
then tonight
I am *******, changing,
feeling graceful, beautiful
a little shbeel went on

I get in bed

you start questioning if you can take care of
animals
I reassure you that you are absolutely capable
and this shbeel is so trivial
        let it go

you keep saying you cant take care of them
and then you tare me apart by saying
        you think you're going to hurt me
more sentences come out of your mouth
confirming that you think you will

And you have
and I forgave
and I tried to forget
and accept
so easy for you
to dismiss it all

I leave the room and swallow the lump in my throat
  it feels like I am going to explode

So easy for you, to turn on your show,
and carry on, picking your nose,
as if nothing happened.

you tore my heart tonight
and i let you

I think I have lost it
I let myself go again

lonely with your presence
I yearn for your love
even though its merely affection
         where is your action?
you don't love me
I have so many expectations
       (you and I keep stating that)
       (is it true?)
maybe I do and I am being foolish
Crazy, overthinking
                                   I am so unstable right now

This is only a phase,
I will get past this.

I am not crazy

I am soul
with a thirst for growth
and
awareness.

hello hello wake me up
this dream I have cannot be mine
twisted realities
              jump to and from
leaving behind opposing forces
     at the mouth of the storm

bodies take over my thoughts
I give them the ticket
to judge my scattered path

- I am without control

I am me.
but i apologize for being me
for the delights and the
wretchedness.
why do we mold for acceptance
why do i,
constantly steer to please
others
and
concealing my essence
only because i think
their validation
fills
the empty space in my heart
reserved only for
my own love
for me.
how silly of me. how cliché.

and then
i have this heavy suspicious belief
you
become repulsed
with my sentiments. intense
you counter it with sugarcoated devotion
you. don't. want.
                                   me
you want my love
to satisfy your needs.

and then
my walls are built

no matter the intensity
no matter the frequency
no matter the depth
no matter the authenticity
if
i. don't. believe. in. me.
if
i don't love
me
you will never be enough,
because i will never feel enough
i need me.  
it is a vital love