To hold you
Tenderly
For you to fall asleep in my arms
And I yours
What more could I ask?

It's okay that you take my breath away
I never wanted to breathe without you near anyway.
It's okay you can't fix me,
i'm not broken,
just a puzzle, a labyrinth, that can't be figured out.
I know you never wanted to give up,
but your arm's were tired of holding me together,
and i just couldn't let go.
But believe me i'm trying,
I just don't know what will happen
whether i can hold myself above the water,
whether i break my neck hanging,
or stand tall.
I'd tell you i'm a broken crumbling building,
but i want you to remember me as lightening.
As thunder as it vibrates through you.
And piano music when it gives you chills.
As storms when they give you thrills.
I just want to be remembered by you,
even if i'm gone.
Even if i have to let go.

If my blood is as red as your lips,
how can i not draw it?
And if your fingertips are as smooth as my back
why are they not traveling it?
If my laugh is as chilling as thunder
then why is it not echoing in your mind?
If my heart beats as fast as your shaking hands
then why aren't you holding it?
If your lungs are as black as my fingertips
then why isn't my touch making your breath come faster?
If my skin has as many goosebumps as yours does chills
then why aren't they touching?
If our souls play the same song
then why aren't we together.

i think ive fooled everyone.
they all believe im happy.
that my laughter and smiles are real.
and yes, sometimes they are...
but, id rather see the blades and the blood.
and the real smile that creeps onto my face as
i press d
               o
                  w
                      n
into my skin and the vein opens up
and the blood starts pouring out.

i see myself doing this every night.
i know one day that i am bound to relapse.
i know that one day i wont be able to take it anymore.
i know that i probably am a bit crazy... probably even on the verge of psychopathy/sociopathy...
but, i am trying. i am trying to stop and i guess thats all that matters.

sometimes i believe that i should've killed myself last year,
but then i remember that i wouldn't have met half of the people that
i have come to love today.

i slept alone, your
wrists were my hair. delilah
mine, i still love you.

It is so easy to say "I will stop"
But when you actually try to,
It is so much harder.
So hard to not go rely on something during your bad times,
That makes you escape things for just a little bit.
Gives you a relief like this is the only thing that can save you,
Which at the time ,
It is the only thing .
Always thinking about it,
And wanting it
And just wishing you could do it
Everyday
Every hour
Just wishing that you were able to escape everything  with this
One piece of metal.
And during the time that you are
Struggling
People are around you saying
"You can do it"
"You are strong"
"Do other things"
But it isn't that easy!
Not many people get that..
-te