Where are they now?
Where are my friends?
Everyday I contemplate what, why and how,
However they're not here in the end.

I miss them,
I wonder if they miss me.
Are they really my friends?
Do they think about me?

I worry about them,
Are they ok?
I wonder if I was a good friend.
What if they weren't ok?

I wonder if I did anything wrong,
Were they annoyed by me?
Did I annoy them all along?
Do they know how much they mean to me?

Don't they know how much I hurt?
Don't they know how much I needed their comfort?
Where were they when I needed them?
Weren't they supposed to be my friends?

Where are they now?
I don't know when, I don't know how.
I know only one thing,
I care about them despite everything.

To my friends,
Go ahead and leave.
I don't care in the end,
I only want you to be happy.

Even if I get hurt,
I don't need the comfort.
Even if it's painful,
I don't care about it all.

I love you guys more than anything,
I don't want you to be unhappy.
Even if leave me after everything,
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.

Why do you keep relapsing?
Well,
Its like yours mind give s you a hunderd reasons
To be happy.
And your depression says
Wait.
Here's a reason to be sad.
Every single thing thats wrong,
That you have done wrong
In your entire life.
All of the memories
And then that voice over rules
Everything.

Everyday it gets harder.
Everyday it is a nightmare
                progressing on and on.
Everyday is another prayer
           echoing from my bones,
asking God to please take me now.
Everyday I close up more and more.
    It is getting more impossible to stay here.
Everyday I feel myself die more and more.
     When I  lay down each night,
I wonder how ill leave this hell..
       I never felt so much pain.

Home alone.
You break down,
letting out everything,
crying as loud as you can.

Your family come home,
and here you go.
Fake smile,fake laugh,
pretend everything okay.

They do not suspect a thing.
They do not suspect their child is broken and falling apart.