I feel empty; like a void.
I don't know how to fill it.
It's just there.

I know now; it's you that fills it.
I feel whole, like you're magic.
It's not here anymore.

But once you leave it comes back.
Once again, I can't fill it.
I'm just empty.

If you told me I was on your mind,
I would have quickly fled.
Not doing so to be unkind,
But to be on your heart instead.

Never before,
just once after that,
I caught her smirking.

These walls are my prison,
Thoughtfully provided and carelessly ruled,
I remind myself I could leave anytime,
But my shackles make far too much noise,
I go unnoticed until I'm gone,
Life in a house,
Not a home,
Never a home.

I have a really bad thought and I'm just putting it out there, I could totally have over exaggerated and don't know the real story so tell me if I'm wrong.
Doesn't it feel horrible if you don't want to adopt them? Like their humans and they want a family, but if they aren't wanted it's off to another place, another strike, another day without a family. They start all over again with some other people a little more broken every time they are rejected, but they need someone to love them so they pull themselves together hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.
What if they want some of the kids and not the others...do you split up people who finally learned how to trust others contrary to the abandonment and being let down a number of times.
How do you look someone in the eye then learn they don't want you and are even the slightest bit okay with it? I guess it comes with time after time doing this, but I couldn't do it.

Two generations sit aligned,
In the home of the Eternal Father.
The people all pray for the cleansing of sins,
While I neglect to even bother.
I see the passion within their eyes,
As they steadily walk the line.
Cross thy arms or cup thy hands,
To receive the bread and wine.
Through the motions I pace myself,
For my faith has disappeared.
The prayers in-scripted inside my mind,
Revive memories I immensely fear.

It is not just I,
Who's connection will never restore.
But applies to the woman who gave me life,
Our beings have transformed.
“The Lord” no longer shepherd's us,
Beyond our wants and fears.
So when it comes time to bow our heads,
In deep cognition we will appear.

03/14/10