have you ever laid in bed and felt something was missing?
like a warm arm wrapped around you at night to get through it?
or someone kissing your forehead at night, before you sleep,
so you can feel safe at night?
have you ever felt like you are not receiving enough,
than what you are giving?
have you ever been called beautiful,
when you needed to hear those words, even if you don't believe it?

everyday i think to myself is life even worth it?
or should i just pull it..

‪If i took my life, will that stop the pain?‬
‪If i told you i was hurting, will you numb the pain?‬

I cry myself to sleep every night,
Because lord knows I’m breaking inside.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
Shame on me.
I knew,
That everything will come to light.
Shame on you.

If i take these ******* pills,
I won’t feel this pain anymore..

Feeling like I’m giving too much to a man who no longer loves me.
Do i stay?
Or should i do him the favor and walk away?

What if she tells you that she isn’t happy?
That every night she cries in silence,
Because of you?
What if she tells you that she wishes she was dead,
Maybe the feeling of feeling alone, will walk away.
She seems okay,
That’s what everyone says.
You don’t even notice the pain she’s dealing with,
Inside.
You look at her, and see right through her.
Never taking the time to treasure her.
Another man loves her.
hes willing to do the things,
You arent doing.

I knew what it was when i found out,
I just didn’t want to listen.
You laying in her bed, every night,
I knew you was kissing.
Smelled her perfume on your shirt,
Your guilt on your lips,
When you kiss me goodbye,
Knowing you’re returning to her every night.
And i knew.
I just never wanted to believe it was trust,
That this was coming from you..

She learned to cry in silence,
That even when she’s near you,
You can’t hesr her. .

Are you willing to love her naked? When she is most vulnerable, hands on her knees, yelling lord please. are you willing to break down her wall, see what’s on those floors? Asking herself are you going to love me, if i stood here naked? Trusting herself with you, she’s trying to find some closure, you hold on to her a little closer, she’s feeling the exposure. Naked.

her smile so sweet,
like the sun rising by the beach.

he took the man i loved,
without knowing i am growing another person inside of me,
how dare he pulled the trigger,
hit the man i love.
rip my insides,
gave me nothing,
and took the life inside of me.
gone.

it takes time for someone to realize that happiness comes from within and not because of someone else.
doubt comes from within, but does it also come from someone else?
there is nothing wrong with being afraid of falling in love,
being hurt,
but yet we tend to put our walls up in fear wondering if we shield ourselves, no one can notice the little cracks in my wall,
in order to break me down.
I know what it is like to be lied too,
I know what it is like to make yourself feel strong,
and at night trying to figure out the pieces as to why this has happened to you,
and not them.
hating yourself for the mistakes they created,
pointing the fingers at yourself,
saying sorry when it is them that should be the one.
it is all a game, and you are the one playing it without consent.
he took my soul and manipulated it,
so he can grasp what he wanted,
he took my love and swept the life out of me,
so i no longer can feel a thing,
filled my lungs with smoke,
i couldn't breath.
i never once felt a thing,
when he was inside of me.
how could have he loved me?
that's what he said too me.
he loved me,
time..
time is what it took for me to realize,
his love..
his love..
his love..
wasn't meant for me,
meant for me,
meant for she.
i laid in my death bed,
saying goodbye to the old me,
thanking you,
for making me realize,
that with time,
time.
time..

everything can change.

I still feel the pain, inside of my heart.
scared of getting hurt once again,
why is it coming back?
why am I crying,
god is it me?
is my heart really allowing me to love this great man,
that I have?
reassuring me,
when I'm feeling low.
"Baby I'm yours"
but is he really?
is he really not like the last man,
I gave myself all too.
Is he worth giving my heart too,
giving my body too?
if I'm feeling like this, is for a reason..
yes?
no?
or maybe I am just overthinking.
but..

everytime I meet someone, they want nothing but ****** pleasure.
same words being used,
"If we have ***, than you can be my girlfriend."
is *** what blinds you males to realize that the women who wants to treat you right, has more to offer than just ***?
she is not like the rest,
yet you treat her like she is.
she's trying to find ways and reasons,
as to why you keep treating her like the women you played in the past,
you keep telling her,
that she isn't like the last,
yet you keep admiring her body, more than her mind.
not reminding her how beautiful she looks,
as she struggles everyday to find beauty in herself.
sees you look at others, as she looks at herself, and see that what you see in them,
isn't what she has,
but she's dying to want it,
and by dying,
I mean she's physically hurting herself in everyway shape and form to become like those women who you love so much,
without even having to say it in words.
she knows that *** isn't the only thing that she has to offer,
and she's trying to make it stop,
show her worth.
but knowing he wants nothing more but that,
is what makes everything worst.
its more than just ****** pleasure,
she is an angel.
yet, you continue to throw her down,
lower her self esteem,
instead of building her,
you destroy the inside of her heart,
rotten her to death, with your poison of ***.
and each and every time,
she finds herself wondering,
why cant you notice that there's more to this,
more to ***.
more to this.
more to this.
more to this.
more to ***.
***.
***.
***.
***.
***.
more.

She's scared to put her trust into another mans hands.
Sick of being played and being taken as a fool.
She has so much to give, but no one to give it too,
Knowing she's worth more, than she's been taking, And she knows he lost another diamond,
how he misses the way when he use to woke up to you.❄️
-MarieLove

Do I love him?
Or do I hold back, because I'm scared he'll hurt me, just like the last one.

When will it be my turn to love?
Will somebody make me think twice when I say love is nothing but a battle, and falling in love is something I shall never do?
Will somebody prove me wrong, that love is something special between two..

Wish somebody loved me.

Someone new.
No he isn't you.
he's a better you.

He only wants me until the mornings.
But is he really the one to blame?
As I am telling him that me laying in his bed,
For his satisfaction is okay.
Or maybe it's me?
Since, I can no longer sleep without being in his arms,
And waking up to his kisses.
Yes, they are no labels,
Lost in confusion, as to what we are,
And realizing you do not care..

So maybe,
It is not him that wants to stay, until the sun rise,
But rather me,
While I lay on his chest,
Not wanting him to leave,
As if it was a sarcarfice.
And yet I crave more than just this,
But never find the effort,
To find "this".

And yet I feel like his wantings are different from mine,
But yes I am okay with this,
And some days I am not.
But laying by his side,
Is something I cherish,
I can't deny.
And I know he lies,
And no he's not the right guy,
But why is it that when I am not laying by his side, until the morning sun rise,
I cannot sleep at night?
..

Give me one reason as to why,
You wanted this type of guy.
Why you laid in his bed that night,
Because it felt right?
Do you even know what that feels like?
He wanted nothing,
But a girl he can call late night,
You let him abuse you.
You let him and his army,
Go through you.
Give me one reason as to why,
You wanted this type of guy.
Did you even know him?
You felt alone,
So you went for it.
Not knowing the nightmare that it would become.
Laying, in a bed,
Being pushed down,
Slammed,
As if you are a piece of meat.
Crying out for help,
Calling the name of the only man who knew your childhood,
Knowing he is no longer here to save you.
Close your eyes,
It'll go by fast.
Words being repeated in your mind,
As you felt the strong *******,
Against them thighs,
Accusing yourself for this mistake.
And when they was done,
They left you stranded,
Clothes abandoned,
Blood on the bed sittings,
Finding strength to gather yourself,
Never once spoken,
Never once told.
Every man who comes near you,
You feel fear,
Scared of what they did to you,
This man will do the same too..

She done gave too much,
To a man who didn't love her.

I only have a few months to live anyways,
So who gives a **** if I die anyways?
Who cares about my wrong decisions in wanting to have it end shortly anyways?
Why does this have to **** me anyways?
Anyways..

I don't want to lie to you no more,
I'm sick.
I have a few months to live.
Maybe less.
I feel it in my chest,
My pain,
My battles.
Arguing makes the pain stronger,
And don't hate me when I say,
I do it for I can die faster.
Y'all don't know the truth.
See my smiles,
But it's for them,
Not for me.
I don't want to be here,
God taking me slowly,
there just too blind to see it.

Wish I never loved you.

Going through this sudden tragic alone,
Losing my rose petals,
Lord my stomach hurts.
No one to run too,
Nobody seems to care.
Why am I really here.
All I do is tear.
I no longer want to be here,
I feel it.
The end for me is near.

If i told you that he tried to touch me,
Would you trust me?
If I told you who it was,
Would you stay calm,
Not want to find him
And just hug me?
If I told you he held me against my life
With bullets through my head,
When you still tell me that you love me?
If I told you I screamed your name in fear,
Hoping that you would appear,
Would you not feel helpless,
And not tell me you're sorry,
When you whisper in my ears.
If I told you I kept this a secret,
Can you not hate me,
And not ask me why did I keep it?
..
If I told you I have scars below my rose,
Can you not ask to see it?
If I told you I didn't need you,
Can you not leave me

She don't sleep,
She don't eat much.
Imagining life with you in it,
She can't see that vision.
Since you are no longer here

Body changing,
Gaining weight.
I know this is because of you,
Sorry that I couldn't hold you.
But mommy loves you.

Stomach in pain,
He rubbing it,
So my body can feel okay.
They said it'll be like this for a few days.
Finding comfort on his shoulder,
That's where I use to lay,
He knows my body aching,
So he reminds me that it'll be okay,
Remember the doctors said just a few days.

Had a miscarriage.
There's no replacing you.
my rose petals.

Lord my petals.
Lord my petals.

Why you had to take them from me.
Devil wasn't ready,
But mommy was.

Lord why you had to **** me.
That burning sensation when I laid that night,

You destroyed my petals,
Lord that was in me..

But if I lied,
Said it was fine,
We'll be alright,

I'll eventually get over it,
Wouldn't I?
How could I..

My body hurts lord.
Why you had to do this.
I wasn't ready,
You made that decision for me..

And that's why,
I could never say I'm sorry.
My rose petals.

Tonight I write my wrongs.
Let someone who didn't love me,
Destroy me mentally and emotionally.
I ran to another that one night,
I needed love.
I needed to feel like everything was okay.
Like somebody cared for me.
That night I laid there in silence,
What's done is done.
Going to ****** for pleasure,
Trying to find something that was close to feeling like what I felt for you.
You.
You destroyed me into pieces,
And I ask myself why can't I forget you.
When you no longer need me,
Lord this man doesn't even love me.
Lord why Did i make this mistake,
Lord why are you punishing me.
I'm vulnerable,
And he knows how to speak,
When I am feeling weak,
The only man I've ever went too,
Because his love went through me like quick sand.
Lord my petals that were grewing in me,
are dying
Because I forgot to love it,
Lord my body is changing because of it.
Lord I slept with this man,
Whom I know isn't the man I want to be with,
But rather feel as if he loves me,
Knowing he only loves me
When his devils horns reach in me.
Lord why are you guiding me into the direction that I know will make me suffer.
God why aren't you showing the signs that I need,
For me to move forward.
Lord why are you letting me pretend as if I am strong,
When you know I am weak.
God hear me.
Lord please **** me.

He got up in me,
With no feelings,
Like a demon.
But I loved the devil.

I laid on his chest,
That was rotten with poison,
That filled up his veins.
As I listened to his heartbeat,
I was feeling so ashamed.
Here I am,
Falling in love again.
This time I knew the games,
That he played,
Yet I told myself just stay.
And there I laid.
Filling my body with poison.
He caused more pain,
What might be growing inside of me,
My screams tried to tell him.
Why I wanted to stay.
But yet he let me rot,
Self destruct,
You little mutt.
Oh how much I hate you,
But this living thing inside of me,
Won't let me replace you,
As I laid one more finale time,
What was once my favorite spot too be,
Let your venom **** me.
Your child growing inside of
Me..

God knows what I need to do,
But am I ready?
Is it simply that easy?
It feels like it.
Decisions I should be making for my own happiness,
But am I already happy?
God please tell me why you keep doing this too me?
Am I failing you?
I know my well being isn't at the greatest point in my life,
But lord please tell me that you know that I am trying!
Please tell me that you see me try to shove down these meals,
That my body no longer wants to eat.
You cannot tell me that you don't see me,
Waking everyday with knifes in my back,
That I forgot to take out at night,
Lord please tell me this is the end,
Of these sleepless nights?
Please tell me this isn't what I need to do,
And I know it feels right,
But please don't make me do it.
I am fighting everyday,
I know you hear me scream at night!
The minute they pronounce me as
"Cancer Patient",
God you knew,
This was going to be done.
Is that why you were preparing me?
All these years of suffering and aching,
Is that why when I sleep, I can't lay on my chest through the night?
Is that why you kept hurting me lord?
Please tell me is that why?
I feel it.
You know I do feel this pain,
In between my chest,
I feel it sometimes,
But lord I feel it.
Am I not good enough?
Why didn't the times I wanted to be gone,
Work?
Why all of a sudden,
This pain is coming back,
I never get a break,
I am cursed.
God, please hear me.
Is this what I need to do?
Do I hold his hand, and never let him go?
Or do I walk away, and let him find a true love?
Lord please hear me,
I cannot take this anymore.
Make me feel beautiful,
I just want to be loved.
Lord hear me.
Why don't you love me ...

Don't be discourage by the good man trying to take his place,
There not all the same,
He isn't here to play.
Trust him, hear me will you, if you can.
He said let me have a chance,
As he kissed you on the forehead,
Before you laid side by side in his brand new bed.

Tell me why the **** should I give a **** about the man who broke my heart?

As if I shouldn't be broken, and falling apart!

She's a spitting image of him,
She hates it.
Going to the bottle,
As if it's the last resort.
She tends to get tense,
Over little things,
It doesn't make sense,
All she knows,
Is that she is a spitting image of him,
And she hates it.
But you created her,
And for that,
She is thankful.
But she is becoming so numb,
She is been broken.
She can't talk,
She's frozen.

I hope this isn't..
she's sorry.

#Tobecontinued

You took the good in me,
And destroyed me.
Broke me down into pieces,
That cannot be put together.
You took my mending soul for granted,
And left it in the cold,
You took me for granted,
When you spoke the words,
I love you.
Knowing you didn't love me so.

The beginning.
I guess this is where this tragedy that was once a beautiful dream, started.
The first day she seen his handsome face,
She knew he was the one.
Going through things with her X,
She was dealing with a broken soul.
She didn't want to love again,
Until she met him.

Until she met him...
The way he opened up that one night,
The way she felt when she seen his face,
Knew he was coming,
And when he was going home.

The way his dark browns eyes sparkle,
When she would stare at them so deeply,
Something she adored doing every night.
It was her content place.

Fast forward to the night,
They shared each other.
At this moment she knew her heart wouldn't be able to comprehend what she knows it'll do.
She fell deeper,
And deeper.

She was scared,
She had falling to deep.
Questions like,
What if I am too much to handle.
What if he'll leave.
What if he uses me for ***,
Like the last one did..

Months pass by,
Everything was great.
Smiles on his face,
Smiles on her face.
She felt the love.

Tornado.

They were crashing,
He's trying to understand what's going on,
He didn't understand her.
She was too complicated,
A little crazy,
But he loved her.
Hense the word loved,
ED,
As in he loved her,
But the love he had for her,
Was once leaving,
She knew it.
She couldn't fight it.

Why didn't she fight it?

Tornado..

She did not want to see the man she loved suffer any longer.
She knew,
He'll walk away.
She knew deep in her heart.
She couldn't take it.
She was angry,
She was hurt,
She couldn't speak.
He didn't know.
She never spoke about the pain she felt within her heart,
Because she knew..

Tornado..

The wind was blowing harder,
The tears were becoming stronger,
She felt her soul crashing to the ground,
But she loved him.
She knew she was too much,
She didn't understand why,
Why she stopped making him happy,
She didn't understand why she was bringing him so much pain.

She stopped feeling worth it.

Tornado..

She gave up.
She loved him.
She gaved up.
She loved him.
She gaved up.
Tornado..

He walked away..


Falling apart,
She found ways to cope with the pain,
She had relations with the man who loved her for her body.
She's sorry.

Tornado..

The last kiss.
That was when she knew that was the last night that he was once hers.
She held back her screams,
Her punches,
Her screams,

Tornado..

She wished she could fix the broken connection she had created.
The reason why he felt the need to walk away.

She wish she knew why she had done such a poorly job of loving the man who loved her more than any man has ever done.

She wish she knew why she wasn't no longer worth the fight.

She wish she knew what she could of done to still have him in her arms.

Tornado..

She is the tornado.
But she loved him.
As she slits her area of hidden,
Deeper with the pain she has caused,
Tornado.

The pain in her chest,
She feels his hands on her flesh,
Words being spoken,
but no one notices,
Face being pressed against her pillow,
Hoping she'll stop losing air,
And stop breathing.
She speaks to the man above,
Yelling please remove this sudden rush that is going through her body,
Water already flowing,
She is already chin deep,
Wanted to feel wanted,
Be held,
She's so confused,
Memories of that one night,
She wasn't amused,
She couldn't of chosen you,
She went into the wrong shoes,
Showed up at his door,
Started to take it off,
He gently unstrapped her bra,
They tied together like roots,
She laid there..

And she laid there..
laid there some more..
she knew.
she knew she was weak,
But this weak,
Wasn't just any weak,
How could of this had happened to she,
She laid there..

She felt the rush,
She was stuck,
She hurried to put her clothes on,
She stood there..
and she stood there some more..

*** was the symbol she had emotionally imprinted on her heart,
The only way, they seen her,
Was if they looked at her heart,
Seen nothing but a naked body,
So she could feel loved once again,
She stood there..
and she stood there some more..

How could It be,
The women I knew so **** well,
Was turning into mold,
Collecting dust,
Rotten,
Poison,
She's going unnoticed,
Who is she,
Standing before me,
Who is she.
She stood there..
And she stood there some more...

Never felt beautiful in her own skin,
She find ways,
To make her look like them.
The girls he adored,
The girls he prefered.
She drinks her shakes,
Checks how much she weighs,
Each day, to see if she gained or lost weight.
Hoping for more of this and less of that,
Flatter tummy,
Bigger ***.
But is appearance really that important?
Questions being asked to herself,
As she's on the machines,
Staring at the mirror,
Seeing fat, and guts,
When really she weighs nothing..
118 pounds,
She weighs nothing..
Feeling beautiful,
So her own,
Can look at her,
And make her feel beautiful,
And not looks others,
And wishing that she looked like that,
Those girls with much more.
Her skin becoming different,
She's not looking the same,
She sees it in her face,
But too her it's beauty,
And with beauty comes pain,
At least that's what she says.
So Who am I to stop her,
She already has her eyes on they.

Saved memories,
Like the last text being sent.
As if it were yesterday,
When I felt my heart drenched.
Falling to the grown,
As the words "friends" came about like a song you hate on replay.
As if everything about that night,
You forgot it.
But rather remember,
You trembled,
As you try to go up the brick steps,
That seem so hard to overcome,
Because you didn't want to let go,
But rather let go,
You let yourself go.
As the blades slit the parts,
That are unknown and hidden,
So that they'll never be seen,
Rather than slow,
You cut deep and fast,
So the pain can last,
Just a little while longer,
As the words friends keep coming into play,
Like a song you hate on replay.

Love is precious,
She admits it,
But every time she gave a man her love,
She regrets it.
As she lets them take a tour,
Of her art,
That's when she felt it,
Lost of control,
The distraction,
Only her work of art,
Gave them the attention.

To be continued ...

He held her,
It wasn't you.
He kissed her,
It wasn't you,
He laid her head on his chest,
And it still wasn't you,
He entered her world,
She wanted to believe it was always you.

You wasn't there when she needed someone to go too,
She went to the only man,
That she knew didn't love her.
Maybe loved her,
When he entered her soul,
Tears rolling down her face,
She never understood,
As she's getting undressed,
The rest is to not be said,
This sudden pain is feeling like hot rocks,
Being pilled up on her body,
Knives being thrown to her chest,
Hitting right through her heart,
She's weak,
Her feet are bleeding,
From trying to stand so tall,
She refuses to fall,
She yells for your name,
Knowing you can no longer be there.
Let the man who never loved her,
Be there for the women, who's destroying herself through the flesh with two.

She let her self go,
Once again she's so sorry.
But she's lost,
She needs guidance.
She feels disgusted,
She doesn't want to be reminded,
She's trying so hard not to fight it,
It's too late,
She already let them in,
They forced her.