chest tightening
palms sweating
mind racing
breathe shortening
skin crawling
anxiety has me in her talons again
and i am victim to her darkness

it’s so much easier said than done
should i stay or should i run
i love you with my whole heart
but why does it feel like i’m falling apart
i know i need to let you go
but part of me cant take that blow
i want to continue to date
but we have to end this before it’s too late

how am i so lucky to have you
waking up next to you
going on long car rides with you
watching movies with you
eating meals with you
falling asleep next to you
what on earth did i do
to deserve a man like you

hatred
fear
resentment
these run through my veins
forgive me if i hurt you
it’s the only way you’ll feel my pain

stranger
in my house
not you
but me
i feel unwanted
undesired
unlovable
in your presence
i feel like a stranger

my love
i hold you close
i hear your heart
beating in your chest
it seems to beat faster
as i draw near
my love i never fear

it’s so crazy how you can think everything is fine one second, but then the next second, everything falls apart.

can’t get over you
all i think about is you
all i want is you
all i need is you
can’t get over you

just friends you said
i laid the hope of us to bed
long day of crying to myself
my heart will belong to no one else

my tears fill my eyes
my tears fall in buckets
my tears taste like a salty-sea ocean spray
my tears run down my checks like a faucet
my tears are shed for you

heartbroken
right down the middle
two piece separated but still equal
heartbroken
we cannot be together
this news surely brings stormy weather
heartbroken
i wanted to be your girl
the oyster that turns into a pearl
heartbroken
but alas all we will be
not an us but a you and a me

i have to take a ****
that’s the poem
that’s it

Why do I stay?
You beg me not to leave
I take pity on you, I suppose
But why do I stay?
Yes, you provide for me, but at what cost?
To be a pawn in your chess game
To be another piece to your puzzle
To be another note in the song that your writing
Why do I ******* stay?

i’m done making myself miserable
i’m done beating myself up
i’m done feeling guilty
i’m not done loving myself

when i kiss you i get weak
when i kiss you i get goosebumps
when i kiss you i fall deeper
when i kiss you i sense danger
because i know i will never awake from your kiss of death

i am a woman
you are the man of my dreams
can we ever be?

i want to know you
the real you
your past
your present
your future
i want to know you
the real you  
your dreams
your hopes
your fears
i want to know you
the real you
your feelings
your worries
your thoughts
i want to know you
the real you
but i fear i only know
the fake you

when i look into your eyes i feel alive
when i look into your eyes i feel like i can fly
when i look into your eyes i see our future
when i look into your eyes it is me who is captured
when i look into your eyes i feel brand new
when i look into your eyes i know i can’t live without you

i messed up
i know this to be true
i messed up
but i don’t want to lose you
i messed up
i blame myself
don’t leave and see someone else

you make me feel important
you make me feel special
you make me feel needed
but i’ve hurt you
but i’ve used you
but i’ve broken you
am i a human?
or am i a monster?

shaking
sweating
heavy breathing
i’m having a panic attack
anxiety has me in her claws again
she’s taking me under
she’s breaking me down
i can’t rise up out of this
because i fear once im free
she’ll come back for me

I want you to know how I feel
I tell you I like you
I tell you I want you
I tell you I need you
But does it even matter?
Will you ever want me?
Am I good enough?
Or will I continue on this path?
Sabotaging any chance of happiness
Risking it all but to no avail
I’ve hurt you
I’ve broken you

Every time you call
Every time your lips touch mine
I get butterflies

You
Should
Not
Be
With
Her
You
Deserve
Better

This world is not real.
Is it in my mind?
Are we part of something greater?
What are we here for?
Who am I?

You make me feel ****.
I want you.
Your hot breath on my neck, moist.
Your lips on mine, pressed hard.
Your legs around me, pushing your *** into mine.
Your hands through my hair, make me tingle.
Your tongue, on me and in me.
Making me get hotter and hotter.
Getting me wetter and wetter.
Filling me up and getting me higher.
I am on fire.
Finally, I explode into a million pieces and all because of you.

Constant pounding, not in my head.
Better, ****** pounding, throbbing, lusting.
I want to be ripped open like a bag of candy on Halloween
or a piece of paper and then float in pure ecstasy.
Man or woman, does not matter.
Woman: soft, sensual, ****.
Man: ragged, rough, rat.
I'll take the woman.

Animals around the waterhole watch and stalk
Their prey.
I sit, in heat, as the animals
They rip open their food
as I rip off my clothes.
We are animals, no different.
Driven by food and ***,
these rule the world,
not money and power.
I want to be taken
and thrown, hard, on to the ground.
I want to **** like an animal,
***** and depraved.
Rules broken, beds broken,
No rules, no safety,
Just ***.

You told me it wasn't personal
You said you were sorry
You told me it was unfair
Then why did you do it?
Why did you break my heart?
I'm not in love with you,
At least not anymore
I believe it's for the best but
How can I be sure?
I know this will fade like most things do
But how can I forget a lifetime with you?
I trusted you
I believed in you
I loved you
But now I can feel the pain inside when you said
I. Can. Never. See. You. Again.

I am lost without you.
I am empty without you.
I am floating through life
Alone.
I need a friend.
I need a love.
I cannot live like this anymore
Alone.
I am a lost soul in this world.
I seem happy but I am not.
I seem content but I am not.
I seem peaceful but I am not.
My soul is lost and I cannot seem to find it.
I am lost without you.

Angry
Rage
Hatred
These are the things that I am feeling

I never know what to expect
One minute you are happy and full of joy
And the next you are angry and full of hatred
Your words ignite a fire
That I cannot seem to put out
Your words cut deep into my heart
Like a knife slicing through butter
Your words stay in my mind
Selfish
*****
Brat
Spoiled
I know these things are not true
But when you say them
I believe you
Your fuse is short
And your fury is hot
I run to take cover
From your being
But the rage always seems to find me
You emotions cascade all around me and I know
I will never escape this hell you have created