I smile and laugh and play
I pretend this is all a game
sometimes I can fool myself
just as I have you
but I know there is a price
to pay

I thought that there are just two sides
But initially I m realizing there are so many
My way of looking at things was so fair
But now i realize it doesn't even glare
I just found out its soo dark here
That not even a single window flare
Its so difficult cause it is so different
How can one situation have so many conditions
Where no logic lies and confusion lingers
At times there are so many questions with no answers
And now its one question and so many answers
Which way is right which way to choose
I thought it was my mind and heart which are always on war
But suddenly i get it its not between them but its with them
Due to which my soul wish to loose!

--A.A.

I am surrounded by so many people,
all of these friends that love me
and i can't help but wonder how did i get here?
How did i find this?
I had no one and i felt like nothing.
I wanted so badly for someone just to touch me.
Place a hand on my shoulder, hug me.
Any kind of human contact.
I was dying with out it.
Sinking into a black hole in the earth.
And here it is.
Here is love.

Here are arms embracing me.
I found a place to call home and it not a house
but in the hearts of people with spirits so beautiful
that they don't even seem real.
Is this real?
Sometimes i think i made it up, made them up.
That really there is no love.
How can it be real?
It doesn't make sense that once i felt so dead and empty,
a ghost floating around the earth.
Just an empty shell with broken bits of a girl inside.
And now to feel so alive and vibrant and here,
and solidly placed with my feet on the ground.

I sometimes don't even recognize the sound
of laughter coming from my own lips
or the unfamiliar feeling of smiling to much.
Is this me? Is this happening?
How can I be that same dead girl
that was so invisible and missing so much?
Yet none of those missing parts seem to matter much anymore.
Maybe it will always surprise me
that people are even capable of loving me
or that I am even capable of loving them in return.
Surprising that i can even open myself up to those arms of people.

Surprising that i'm even still here, alive everyday to feel this.

Have you ever climbed up high,
Just to see if you could touch the moon?
Have you ever sung like no one was listening,
Even though you were out of tune?
Have you ever called out into the darkness,
Just to see if anyone would reply?
Have you ever snuck out of your house at night,
Just to see the starry sky?
Have you ever walked into the sea,
Just to see if it felt as good as it looked?
Have you ever had a romance,
Just to see if you could make it like in the books?
Have you ever done something outrageous,
Just to see who would stare?
Have you ever really looked at the world,
Just to see what was out there?
Have you ever done something crazy,
Just to see yourself do something new?
Have you ever-
*“No, I haven’t. But I think I could with you.”