Feeling pain is never optional
Like water or tea?
Or juice or coffee?
No. It's shoved down
Down your throat.
Fast and hard.
But the funny thing is
You're thankful afterwards.

Darkness existed first.

A desperate confirmation
That this evil is not innate.

Sweats rolling down my thighs
Eyes closing like the end of a play
"To be or not to be"
But here I am in between the clench and a hiss.

Like a song
Slowly, slowly humming and building
The chorus trembles the harmony
Big Bang can't compare to this.

Afraid to realize that I can't do it after all
And this time, failing is not an option
But my knees are shaking
I'm collapsing.

But I'm holding on
Step by step I lift my soul
My spirit and my eye
And there, done!

But I'm not sorry for loving you.

I don't know how long these feelings will last.
But for some reason I seem to treasure it.
So so much.
I write for it and about it.


Hoping that when the time comes
I'll remember you as a person
Who made me feel storms
While my shirt is dripping with sweat.


I don't want to just forget you.
Make me scarred and shaking and vulnerable
From grief or love or whatever it is you can give
But, please, make me remember.