i sometimes wonder why you still visit my mood swings,
left in abandoned playgrounds between my chest.
why you still visit even though the slides may only carry you down to somebody like me.
somebody difficult to love,
somebody who cannot tell the difference between crying and laughing anymore.
why you haven't left this soul,
who's bones can't seem to find enough strength to push my side of the sea saw,
who can't seem to move past three poles on the monkey bar,
simply because of the weight on top of my shoulders.
this flesh of complete brokeness that couldn't bare ringa ring rosie,
because at some point one gets tired of always falling.
i often wonder, why me.
why me, with all my chipped paint and countless dents.
why you still visit,
when this isn't the grass on other side that's greener.
because God knows,
i'd understand if you look for a park elsewhere.
a park worthy of you.

he just sounded a bit down over the phone.
and all i really wanted to do,
was wrap my arms around his body like a ring on a finger.
to tell him about the times i get lonely too,
and how the only things that take up space is air,
and the echoes of my heartbeat.
and i swear to god,
i could have cried at the fact that technology only made it easier to love someone you aren't able to touch.
the drop in his voice deeper than any ocean i've been to.
but an ocean i don't mind swimming in,
sinking in.
it's 4:28 in the morning and i don't know if all this writing even makes sense,
or if it's just as bad as the one before.
but one day when he gets lonely again,
i just hope that i'm blessed enough to pick up the keys and drive my way into his arms.