01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

when last have i had a 3am kind of conversation,
with my star like emotions scattered all over the darkest parts of me,
mimicking the sky,
my moon like persona that always returns back to hiding me away.  
when last have i felt safe enough to let somebody in,
to not have visions of my vulnerability being tied to the bed after he locks the door behind him,
his voice like some sort of broken record that keeps on repeating that
"it's gonna be okay."
when last have i had a shoulder to cry on that isn't my own,
for my neck to stop worrying that the tear filled sea on either side won't get waves big enough to drown me.  
when last okay,
when last has it felt good to be me.

Like a corpse, 
it took her a decade to bloom,
but he only stayed 48, 
and then he said they could never be together. 
He left her empty,
maimed,
her heart worn out, 
like an old, unwanted punching bag,
emotionally hamstrung. 
Missing limbs,
she felt empty, 
forever soul searching. 
He said he had to go,
the deuce threat! 
"ruler of Olympus had ordered it",
rendered him powerless, 
left him "half" the man he was. 
But...
When did Zeus become a harlot?

what's wrong with you ?
they ask me all  the time.
i'm wrong  with me ,
i'm too much to live with .

They ask "how are you?",
with pretentious smiles,
like they care.
Like they even care.
"Breathing.
I'm, breathing."
"Oh."

"Yes."
"Yes. That is what I thought."

our love was a war against the wrong time and the wrong place
our love was a war with what should have been and what never would be
our love was a war between what we believed and what we felt
our love was a war between saving others and destroying ourselves
our love left our bodies on the battlefield waiting for vultures to strip the bones and now I've got a thousand pieces of I love you stuck like shrapnel behind my ribs

Lets lay
On a blanket
In the park
After dark
Watching stars shimmer
In the sky
And kiss a while
In the park
After dark