My hand could be bound by yours all day
And I could duplicate the shaky pace of your rising and falling chest all night
But I can't seem to hold my ground.
Just when I think I can do this
When I think I'm the brave one
The walls I put up come crashing down.
I'm so scared.
So.
Scared.
This is too good to be true, isn't it?
Things aren't actually this perfect, are they?
I'm not allowed to be this happy.
This wasn't in the rule book for me,
Nobody told me this was going to happen.
Nobody told me I'd feel okay for once, safe for once.
And here I am, happier than I've ever known,
Yet I can't stop crying.
Someone tell me,
please,
that I won't **** up this time.
I'm starting to relax the tension in myself, the internal conflict, and I've never done that.
I'm afraid to be vulnerable; I'm afraid to be yours, I'm afraid to be happy.
I want it all to stay the same, but I want it all to go away
So I have no chance of ruining your day

Once there was a man who looked out his city apartment down at society and never liked what he saw,
so he left and moved away from it all, where the trees grow tall and the grass spreads out wide.
Taller and wider than the skyscrapers he one stared at in awe.
He grew his beard long and kept his worries short.
Vines grew around his thighs and dirt filled is eyes,
but the only darkness in his life was the star crossed night time sky.
Back in society
everyone continued to shower and shave as fast as they found new friends.
Even though there was no vines around there legs they sulked through streets dragging the heavy weight of their ego with them.
Even though there was no dirt in their eyes they were blind
to the truth.
Their life's were dark and dreary even when the sun shined bright.
Yet they always felt bad for the man who left them and their amazing life.

Everyone seems to forget how you almost drowned me
It was an accident they tell me
Ha. An accident.
An accident that you so sweetly asked me to come for a swim
You just wanted a friend.
I believed you, I did.
You made me feel that with you I could swim,
That this constant drowning was slowly ceasing.
I trusted you, I ******* trusted you to keep me above the water.
You wanted to drown together.
You pretended to drown yourself,
And then had the nerve to ask me for  help.
Suddenly this swim wasn't so fun anymore.
I tried to swim away,
While also trying not to sink, trying to breathe
And you pulled me under.
You held us both under the water,
Laughing on the inside while you told me it was all my fault.
it was always my fault
I managed to get an arm above the water; signal to someone on the beach.
They pulled you out of the water but you were angry.
You were so angry.
I'm still not quite sure why, though.
Was it because I didn't drown?
Because I wouldn't drown with you?
Because you wanted me to pay more attention to your drowning than my own?
Or because I could see that you were lying?
That your strange obsession had become so prevalent that you had to mimic my struggle, then manipulate me into staying there in the water with you; knowing eventually my body would get tired. I'd sink to the bottom and you'd cry because you lost your toy.
You're a parasite.
You feed off of the first weak prey you can find and you **** the energy out until there is nothing left.
The worst part about this?
You told everyone that I watched you drown, that I maybe even pushed you down further.
And they all were ready to call me a murderer.
Meanwhile I'm still in this water,
While everyone tells me that I should've been nicer to you.
That you're such a sweet guy, you would've never tried to drown me.
They don't know that you didn't just want a friend.
You wanted a puppet, a toy, someone to stalk, someone to manipulate.
They don't know you threatened to **** yourself when I begged you to let me go. They don't know you were lying just to get me to stay. To let you keep manipulating, keep invading.
I called it **** of the mind.
I begged you to leave, I asked you so nicely to let me be.
You're scaring me, please stop
Please. I used that word so much. So. Much.
But you kept coming closer and closer, acting so sweet while you did it. Convincing everyone that I'm the *****, that you just wanted a friend. That you were the one suffocating. Cutting off  my oxygen every time you hugged me. But they couldn't see that. They could only see the hug.
"What a nice boy," they'd tell me as I forced back tears, nodding my head in agreement.
I loved you, I did.
Until I realized your hand that held me was my own personal shackle, and to this day I am still restrained by its being.
This doesn't even explain the half of it, but just know I still hate you for all of it.
Everyone has left me here in this water, unknowing that I was, and I am still, not safe from you.
But I am still fully aware that you have every intention of coming back and pushing me under.
She drowned herself, You'll say now, with fake tears filled with resentment and successful revenge.

It's like cooking something for the first time,
burning your hand and never wanting to cook again.
Even though you know what you would cook deserves to be on the menu of some five star restaurant. One that lovers go to, to sip fine wine and stare off at the sunset as they learn how to fall in love all over again. You still can't bring yourself to do it. You can't turn on the stove because every time you do that same fiery sensation rushes through your veins, reminding you what it's like to burn. You shutter, trying to think what life would be like if you never turned the stove on in first place.

There is no lullaby or mattress that could mold me into such a sleep that laying on another provides. The soft rise and fall of their chest, perfectly collaborating with your own. The loud yet slow heartbeat reminds us that though this sleep feels like heaven, we have never been more alive. When the cold breeze chills the skin, there is a warmer sun beating down against my back, your chest, my neck, your cheeks. And we lay in the silence contently thinking that nothing had been, or could ever be, so simple and soft. That moment we never left. Weeks, months, years go on; but we lay there in that moment forever still, never moving or breaking the steady pace of our breath and beating hearts.

They released the paper planes 
And watched curiously with the stopwatch to measure 
How long they flew 
How far they went 
Even the paper planes had more consciousness of where they were going 
I was lost 
I was stuck in the air 
A sky unfamiliar to me 
A mere few feet from the ground 
But unable to hit the surface 
Trailing along 
Wondering when the wind would stop 
The paper planes had landed
When would I?

The devil has shaped your eyes
With that same fierceness that he used to create the anger that fills you inside.
The drunken sag of your eyelids as your brain tries to muster up a malicious plan
All the while your heart fighting you, whispering, trying to remind you the tranquility you possess when your feet hit the sand

But you're long gone now

Past the sound of the ocean and the breeze of the beach
All you comprehend now is the sound of your own scream.
Laugh. Laugh your condescending laugh that stings like salt in a cut.
The cut that you drew with your knife-like words, each time slicing and splitting the skin of my trust.

And you are, you are long gone now.

You'd try to silence my words with a comment through your gritting teeth
Being just as strong as it is weak
But you don't feel that way, you think you've won.
So pat yourself on the back, say good job and relax.
It's not going to be my problem when the realization hits that you just spoke like the man you swore you'd never become

That's when it hits you
You're long gone now.