self worth is self hope

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

An ever-lasting buzz
Oh you can feel it in your face

Your cheeks blazing
Red with passion

It radiates off your skin
Following you everywhere

You can never feel down
Its always consuming you

Its warm tender hands caressing your arms
Telling you its there

You know its there

Let the feelings melt into you.
Lay them out,
hot in the sun.

slowly seeping into your skin.
let them fill you with warmth.

fill you with joy

breathe in the air
as you feel it at the back of your throat
you can feel the love
as it tickles you on its way down

taste it.
feel it.
love it.

its there.
you know it is

How come overtime I feel like things are getting better,
It just goes back and
grabs
my ankle,
yanking me back down
into that deep black pit of pure
nothing.

But why is this hole in my home?
and why is it in my bedroom?
at the foot of my bed.
What lies in it?
the monster?
the monster that grabs you when you try to cool?
is it hot lava you swore you wouldn't touch,
by jumping chair to chair?
Why is this hole that
consistently
brings you down,
living in the place you love most?

why does it keep you stuck in your bed
as it it slowly develops the floor around you,
so you can't get up?
and when it does finally find a way to just
pull you back in,
why is that the time you
think
that you've found a way to get out of it?
a way to get up and out of bed
and over the lava
and across that monster.
why is it strongest
when you are at your strongest?

and when you think you've risen above it
it grows two times your size,
and steps right on your back,
paralyzing you of any control or mobility
over the life you felt you could build.

when you've finally chosen to Stand up,
it stands up with you and gets right in your way.

stop thinking you've got it in your control,
when its clearly so far out o your hands
you can't even see it.
stop trying to take what is not even tangible.
you haven't got it.
its not yours and it never was.

if it takes you that much time to get up
and out of bed,
and across that hole and over that lava,
its really not worth trying.
it would come so much easier if it was meant to be,
it would come to you.

whats the point in continuously trying
when you fall right back into that same hole
time and time again?
except somehow each time you fall,
you go deeper than before.
stop trying.
if you stay there
how much deeper can the hole really get?

wallow in that hole,
as you watch the world around you move
right in front of your glossed eyes.
yet its all outside the pit.

you are meant to stay there.
in that pit.
in the hole.
stop trying to climb out
if you've already tried endless times.
If you haven't gotten out by now,
are you really supposed to?

What good are you if you just sit
and watch a world around you.
you can't move,
yet everyone else can pursue
goals,
dreams,
achieve great things,
and all you do is watch.
and try to get out.
but mostly watch.

so stop watching and waiting,
its pointless.
it is time that you withered away,
slowly fading into nothing.
stop it all now.

you were my sunshine
i was your sunflower

i mean, you were my lifeline
and i filled you with power

and now that you've left me you shine just as bright
but don't you know that flowers die without light?