Silently lie in the grass,
On the hill above the lights.
Steal a kiss,
In between ,
Each drag on this cigarette.
And
Let's
Take bets on which is more
Dangerous.

I am torn between
Running to your door
And telling you I love you
Face to face
Or
Crawling in my bed
And whispering I love you
From far away

**(I wonder which one you would hear better)

I pick up the phone
and see that you said hello today.
I break apart inside.

I can't pretend
that I have the love
that you have for me.
It's just not right.

This is so messed up.
I'm taking five steps,
and always turning right.
Around and around we go.

I don't understand
how you can stare at my walls
and want to
break them down.

I would of gladly
opened up my walls
and let you in
in time.

*This is not okay.

Hit the lights

Shut the door

Shut the door

Turn the key

Turn the key

Say goodbye

Say goodbye

Leave me be

I'm fine with

Who I am

Who I am

Is all alone

All alone

Is where I've been

Every night

Since you've been gone

I see there's

No turning back

No turning back

To where I was

Where I was

Was what I lacked

What I lacked

Was not enough

Not enough

To bring me out

Bring me out

Of misery

Misery in how I feel

So say goodbye

And leave me be

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it