On the hardest nights
that you go outside
When you can’t breathe
Can’t stop shaking
And you look up at the sky
Desperate to feel better

For the vines to soften their grip
For the monster to hold your hand
And you see something bright up there
Something you didn’t even know you needed
A star
You
And suddenly
Its magic makes everything okay again
For a moment the blood stops pouring
Just to marvel at the brightness

But the star is all the way up there in the sky
And no matter how many time you shout how much you love them
They never get to truly know how much they saved your life
Sometimes even
They think that their brightness is too much
Hated

And they want to stop their beautiful burning
In fear that it is too much of something beautiful
That they don’t truly understand how beautiful it is
And that it can’t be too much

Dearest star,
You are never going to be too gay for us
Love is poetry after all
Love is all of your unfinished poems to your unfinished story
And just know that we love you
So so much

Just perfect

And I know,
Depression blocks that all out
It whispers everything you don’t need to hear
It tells you you’re not enough
But sweetheart
We are so lucky that the cloud moved
And that we get to marvel at you

so fold the paper crane
but don't you dare call it wrong
fold the peach paper
into a shape as magnificent as you
but don't cut it anymore
it is already stained red

and make people happy without losing your shine
glow as bright as your heart desires
you can please people
without losing yourself in their storm clouds
you are too bright a star
to dim yourself to their darkness

And of course, you may not be blue eyed barbie
but you are beautiful in your own way
you are a meteor shower
and believe me, that's so much better
a rare phenomenon
a magical occurrence

Every scar
Ever ***** up
Every tear
All of it
Is beautiful
and whatever you wish
just know you cannot be extinguished

mood swings 6.21.25 (1:24 pm / 13:24)
something’s wrong with me, isn’t there
everyone says this is okay this is normal this is fine
doctors: this is just a side effect of the meds
friends: this happens to everyone
parents: it’ll be okay it’s okay

and me: this is fine i’m fine i can stay fine if i just keep this face of fineness
and blankness and stare into space

it’s not it’s not fine
i can’t do this anymore

i don’t believe in god but please someone help me
i was happy just a minute ago
please
let me go back

impossible 6.21.25 (2:07 pm / 14:07)
it feels so
impossible
to carry on

i know i wrote a poem called carry on
that day was a good day, may 7, 2025
that day was a day i might have been happy

it feels so impossible to go back there
that light and love are impossibly far away
everything good is impossible for me

i want someone to make impossible possible
i want someone to at least want to help me
please
is it so hard?
i've tried for you, would you try for me too?

maybe that's impossible too
just wishful thinking
there's no one here for me

i’ve tried so hard
it's impossible

The suns first color is yellow.
Her favorite for sure.
She has others though.
A collection of more.
Oranges bleed to pinks,
Purples seep into red.

Dawn and dusk.
Her best times of day.
No matter the weather,
She always comes back,
She always try’s to stay.
When the sun comes out,
All worry’s wash away,
And brightness,
Fills,
The—once,
Cloudy day.

Loneliness is a record player
Sitting in an attic
With no record

It is when you look into life’s mirror
And see you’re not alone
You see the monster of your mind creeping up behind you
Whispering loud enough that only you can hear

Loneliness is the loudest silent scream of them all
Yet no one can hear how loud you feel it
Through any bathroom stall

I would climb mountains
Hijack cars
Walk 26 days
And almost die
If that meant I could hug you
Even one time

Perfect doesn't mean without imperfections
Because imperfections are lovely
Perfect means that I wouldn't have to you any other way
So when you say you're not perfect
Because you've made some "mistakes"
I want to cry
Because those mistakes are beautiful
Because they are part of you
And you my friend,
Are perfect

Stay extraordinary,
I love you

every morning, 
i stare at the mirror --
looking into my own eyes
like they belong
to someone else.

my smile feels forced,
stolen.
like i borrowed this body,
and forgot 
to give it back.

i don't deserve it.
i neglect this body,
my shattered heart
would survive better
in someone
more loving
and patient.

bracelets

those things made of strings
were given with love

a secret promise lies in every one I (s)wear

still, it’s broken
and
it’s
all
my
fault

one because I pulled too hard
one because it ripped apart
one because I got it that way
one because it didn’t work anyway
one because I lost it
one because it never fit

I love my bracelets
but every one I wear
finds its way to never wear

they give me new ones
but they don't hold
still the only one that survives
was given far too long ago

now here I am
with my jar full of broken promises
cause I don't give up
broken or not
all cause I loved too much

and see what’s the price

a jar I keep

every single one
broken
in hope not to be forgotten