eyes out of focus
listening to the world through a filter
all i feel is grey fog
and the strumming of acoustic guitar

in and out of sleep
missed calls pile high
blinking back nonexistant tears
as i curl up in bed

there's a weight in my stomach
not heavy enough to keep me down
but it's covered in spikes and hooks
and rolls around

who is that in my mirror?
i never knew i looked like that
or maybe i don't
and i'm just looking at someone who doesn't exist.

hey brain, take this brush
and paint by yourself
these hands of mine are rough and calloused
unable to lift and bend my cracking joints
paint your thoughts by yourself
because my arms are limp and weak
and shatter when touched

i've always wondered why you never thought of leaving
voluntarily staying in my withering home
so kindly and destructive
when you paint on my walls
forgetting that lead settles in the pigments
in the lines that drip from excess

though each stroke pains me the longer you create
i'll always compliment you
with a voice tone-deaf and ugly
thankfully, i feel pretty when you do
i feel pretty when i become your muse
and feel a little less incomplete.

When he first spoke my name,
It was like nectar dripping into my heart,
Like a flower my love began to bloom for him,
Soon to fall away because of his indifference.
5/12/2021

I want to give out lots of love,
So that when I am dead,
I will still live in the heart of  those I have touched.
612/2021

after heavy rain
the crescent moon silently
gazed at the stray cat.
11/12/2021