my warmth aches
for the pleasure it might receive
brought forth by the rigidity
of your wanton lust

my eyes grow heavy
saturated with tears and the syrup
of peaches, sweet nectar falls
slow molasses, dripping down my cheeks

the sun grows cold against my skin,
ashamed i've lost my way again,
misguided by empty compliments
and warm, callused hands

your fingers fit perfectly inside me
and melt away every inch of my being
i float farther towards paradise
when you're feeling my pulse

i missed you in the french alps
and was blue in the corridor, stained
with age and mystery from weary-eyed
girls luring men through broken shutters

paris is *****, you wouldn't like it there,
but rome is divine, with magic in the air
hold me close in your suit coat with wine in my veins
and thrill me above the streets, watch me cry out and pray

the aching loneliness that rises up into my throat, scratched raw with fire, and settles into my fragile rib cage as the most unwanted guest, has been there for as long as i can remember. my anxious, angst ridden youth has done little to put my soul at rest. perhaps it shall never rest.

i've never felt that i belong anywhere, for my soul grows tires if i remain in the same place for too long. i don't know if i'll ever find a place that i truly belong, but i hope i find it soon because the life i've been living is draining. so much so that i'd like to run away.

i am like the ocean, fickle and tumultuous, glimmering and dangerous. i can take you to strange place with exotic women and tropical delights, make you believe in every sight, every fata morgana, like it's the truth, and i can make you hurt. i can be cruel and unforgiving, showing no mercy for those who dare cross me. i can be a hurricane and sweep you up in a storm of unbridled passion and fiery rage. i can make you drown.

my dear, i am the lover you wish you had, the lover you wish you knew. i am the lover that would die for you.

i'll wait up for you on my throne in room thirteen, honey. i'll wait for you to come along and take a walk on the wild side for once; you'd like to think you're bad, nut i know in your heart you're soft. my soul won't wait long, so hurry up, boy, before time runs out.

don't you want to find heaven, honey?

let me just start out by saying, i'm sorry that my life's a mess, but you can leave anytime you'd like.
that is, if you want to.

i'm not trying to make you go, but i'm not trying to make you stay.
you don't deserve this ****.
if you left, I wouldn't be that mad.
matter of fact, i'd understand.
I know it's tiring; dealing with all of this.

just want you to know i'd still love you even if you left me high and dry: dangling like my diamond earrings.
i'd still cheer you on in life.
no matter what, i'll stay by your side.
even if you stopped loving me, i'd still love you.

I promise not to shed a tear when I see you up at Sunoco.
just know that I still love you when you're lying in her bed.
I won't make you leave, j, but I won't make you stay.
just want you to know that I won't wilt when you've made your choice.

i'm not trying to make you stay, but i'm not trying to make you go.
I don't deserve you.
when you leave I won't be that mad.
matter of fact, i'll understand.
I know it's tiring; dealing with all my ****.

just want you to know that i'll still love you, even when you leave me high and dry: shattered like the mirror on my wall.
i'll still cheer you on in life.
no matter what, i'll stay by your side.
even if you stopped loving me, i'll still love you.

(the tinsel has lost it's gleam. my silk roses have wilted. the engagement ring has been tucked away beneath the floorboards. I think i'm going mad. I swear, I can still hear your voice as the summer storms roll in around 2 am. I miss you so much I feel as though I might just- just- [stick my head right in the oven!].)

i'm just a rusty knife stuffed in the back of a drawer whose occupation is collecting dust. everything i do sounds like nails on a chalkboard but i don't care, it's not like i can change it anyway. there's a sour taste in my mouth that tastes a little like ***** and a lot like the acrid words i keep to myself. i'm choking on the smoke left behind by a broken promise that's burnt itself all the way down. the lacerations on my wrists may have healed but the scars will always remain like the hole you left in me. i'm rotting away in my room but it's not like i belong anywhere else so i guess it's okay.

i'm sorry i ever bothered and i'm sorry i ever tried. it's not like you gave a **** about me anyway, you made that pretty **** clear when you decided to abandon me.