Cross over.
She doesnt love you.
She hates you.

She is cold as your heartache
Home.
Warmth was a lie and you sigh

Fingernails crusted with dirt, dead cells
trail down your skin and begin to dig in
her eyes are sharp, sweet, soft, swords, hearts

Let it all end where it starts

Every step I've ever taken
always felt five feet away
all the words that they've mistaken
don't reflect the things i say

I dont think it's that confusing
boiled down, it's just a wall
if I'm over here not living
i won't, they won't hurt at all

I could walk in dying places
but now I have you to lose
if i fall it is a gamble
of if you or me will bruise

I have made these harsh connections
tied myself with rope and chain
hoping that with good intentions
with my goal there will be gain

i won't step into the present
I'll keep living in my dreams
but your choices will impact me
concrete isn't what it seems

I may never sink in feelings
never touch my life again
but your meaning wanders to me
just outside i have a friend

Whenever cracks run long and deep
the one inside says "Let's go sleep"
I see her dress brush turns and frames
and call to me by all my names.

Whenever I bleed deep inside
the one down there says "Let's go hide"
And so she hides and I will seek
until I've numbed the heart I keep.

where am i?

watching from a sideline.
feeling, seeing, stuck inside.

surfaces feel harder
on your knees.

i have looked at you
and seen your true face.
my unrighteousness
lies in this disgrace.

pain.

it is numbing when alone.
and so all my pain i own.

it is not for them to see
all the failure deep in me.
i can rot on my own.

i judge.
in moments of...unease.
and take the things i know
and will not let them go.

in my judgement hall i stand
here i feel the weight of shame
as the voices call my name.

there's red carpet on the stone
and my feet sink as i walk
my mouth sewn so i don't talk.

for my words will disgust me
so i do not dare to speak
and it hurts, my knees are weak.

i kneel down onto the floor
and i keep with me my words
as i'm crushed beneath the weight
of a special kind of hate.

i will not direct it out.
i will keep it locked inside.
judge it all for it is mine
what i know they'll see in time.

if i'm wrong that shame is fine.

The claims we have
are like chains.
A dictation to
never walk away.

Because we possess
and we preserve,
and to lose the best
is completely absurd.

Jealousy is only a symptom
of the hands that will not unclasp.
It is a side effect
that we work past.

It is a gentle nudge
to not squeeze too tight;
readjust the sight,
bring what's right to light.

The unshaking foundation
does not like to be touched
it is harmless, we know
but it feels like too much.

It says "leave me alone"
I've been through far too much
to risk any small cracks,
or leave this loss to luck.

But the truth is, it knows
that when all the world falls
it will still stand upright
mortar not chipped at all.

We stand tall.
Only together will we ever fall.

Oppose me.
You are hardly brave enough
to look me in the eye.
Or do you only subconsciously
run and hide.

Your eyes look with want.
And you claim with your mouth
and you take with your lips
as you pull from their hearts
taking long, thirsty sips.

You say, you claim
you're playing the game.
Of "I care." of "I'll always be there."
and maybe that's true
but what's in it for you?

Self sacrifice is esteemed
worn with pride.
But you? You hide.
Keep escape by your side.
A facade in the mind
wasting everyone's time.

You claim that you observe
but then you must be blind.
Or the parts full of want
have control of your mind.

There's a network of turns
where the bad things appear
to be roses and cherries and worlds without fear.

But the shades of your passion
they glow pink, orange, red.
They're not shades you admire
those are locked in your head.
Vibrant colors of others...
you wish you were instead.

My eyes are fixed
upon your heart
the windows show
me only parts.

I sit about
ten feet away
to give you space
and prove I'll stay.

I do not want
to own your soul
just stay with you
'til you feel full.

And if we sit
here for a while
perhaps, in thought
you'll softly smile.

Cut me into ribbons.

Leave me burned and chopped and charred.
'til the pieces that i build up
are left broken, bruised and scarred.

I am cautious in your garden
that my hands and scent won't touch
all the pristine, perfect flowers
and the pretty, precious buds.

I am not the kind to sully
any wondrous word or will.
I was born to eat the filth and
I was born a shell to fill.

I am nothing in your garden
but a dog for you to use
and if it indeed is needed
I will live to be abused.

You're impossible to fathom,
I can't pull my mind away.
But you're carefree, thoughtless, hopeless.
You don't think on what you say.

You throw words upon the sidewalk
that I walk by every day.
They are left for me to pick up
careless words that fall my way.

Sinking,
falling,
start recalling,
every
whispered
word
we wrote with

coated
letters,
fetters made of
gold.

Don't tell me
you / wish
you / could
see.
You haven't come two feet near me.

I pill pop / peel back / puke up, putrid
poison / people / persons?

pasty / hasty / wasn't tasty

Please just come down here and make me:

Cough.
Choke.
Swallow soap.

End it with,
"At least we're clean now?"
We're not mean now.
God, will let us retch in peace now.

Mend / what's breaking at the seams now.

cough up. choke up. throw up.

soap

a breath and a half in
we have forgotten the words
possibly because
they were all the right ones

It is
forgetting what it is like
to hold snow
cold biting
fingers numb
packed down in your hands

a sensation left behind
thrown out by the mind
yet the feeling
lingers

The very best of all you are
I see it painted in your stars.
I hope that one day you will see
you mean more than the world to me.

And though our hearts may ache inside
we will not let our clasped hands slide.
Because our fate's forever tied
together, you and me.

We stand upon the solid ground
we built this place, it won't fall down.
Our deaths will be the only end.
I love you most, my dearest friend.

God, I hate the way, you move my hands, you move my legs, you move my mouth, just get away from me, stay by my side.

Stop, I hate the way, you make me tame, we play this game, and yet we know, that at the end, the loser only dies.

Hell, I hate the way, you look at me, I know you see, you read my eyes, cannot disguise, that this feels good.

****, I hate the way, you say my name, like I’m a thing, your favorite treat, you eat me up, and say, I’m sickeningly sweet.

Please, just go away, leave me alone, you see I wish, that I could see, that I could love, that I was strong, so I could wrap you in pure warmth.

****, I hate the way, that though you see, you still abuse, the gentle thing, inside of me, that hates you are alone.

  Hell, I hate the way, you smile at me, as if I’m yours, you touch my heart, you wrap me up, in suffocating clothe.

Stop, I hate the way, that though you’re cruel, I still will try, I’ll wonder why, I cannot see your sobbing face.

God, I hate the way, you’ve captured me, inside your eyes, and here I swear, that by the end, I’ll stand by you, you will not be alone.

People look at you
like you're an animal.
and
you are an animal.
I'm an animal too.
Secretly
we can be feral,
we can hate the smell
of mankind.
If you **** us off
we'll devour you.

Think I'm crazy yet?

You
haven't seen it happen.
one day
everyone will regret
what they refused to see.

In our souls we breed beasts.

It's a story not a confession.
It's a vent not a long awaited truth.
If you want to know
ask me.
But my mouth is sealed shut.
Candle wax
and a goodnight promise.

If you understood me my lips would break,
yet they're intact
because the truth cannot be opened
without the key.

And nobody is going to kiss me.
Ever.

If I lived in a glass castle
I could feed on the hollow mirrors
of my fragile pride

The fragments of my world
would solidify into gems
sapphires hewn of
lonely moments

Faces reflected in
hues of blue stone
to love is a weakness
I’m better alone

I cannot bear the sun.
It makes me sing
and pierce my lungs.
We're left with all the kings but one.

The ballroom has no door,
the windows tall,
stars claim the floor.
I should have guessed they'd ask for more.

I take of it and eat.
I need not search.
Nor take a seat.
For human meat lies at our feet.

There was no room to dance.
They ask for more
with sideward glance,
then claw the floor with paws and hands

Their overcoats are torn.
The blue turns red
the hunger fed.
And roses break the stone with thorns.

I cannot bear the sun.
For dare it rise
we might realize
that no one in this room has won

The deeper you go the harder you dream...
and she’s mean! She’s so mean!

She’s a strange little baker...she’ll do as she please.

She’s all chalked in her movements, she’s covered in hate.
'Cause she never will leave all her hallways of slate.

(He owns all those hallways, she still thinks they're safe...it's great.)

i can live like i have felt it
like the pain's not secondhand
but the truth is i've known nothing
and i always seem to stand

i can act like i have known it
like my heart is still in shards
but the grey world that i live in
is still stuck here playing cards

i am not the kind to cower
i am not the one to run
but when nothing here will face me
i am just a god of one

i can live like i have felt it
and it's true i understand
but i can't say that i've lived it
all my pain is secondhand

In the aftermath of hell
there shone light upon the sea.
As if blessed by God himself
names were burned into the trees.

Every body, every bone
washed away and buried deep.
Seaweed wrapped between the thighs
of the stones He wished to keep.

I have made a pact with death.
And my soul is not my own.
I have sealed my fate and theirs
just to own my rightful throne.

Of the thousands I have watched
slain upon the greedy beach
All my countrymen and friends
I would use the bones of each.

“Gods of wind and gods of earth
I can see it in your eyes!
That you hate the Ocean Lord
As He drinks up all their cries!”

Filled with sympathy and love...
filled with weakness, steeped in hate.
I will rally every god
to meet fate at ocean’s gates.

I have sold myself to plunge
into depths after my death
But if all the earth can fight
I might keep my soul and breath.

So I’ll rally every king,
any source I can exhaust.
I will own the world of men.
I will never pay the cost.

“Gods of fire! Gods of rain!
Worlds will never be the same!
Come and **** the Ocean King!
Taint the water in my name!”

As the roots grow towards the water
and the fire licks the tide
I begin to realize slowly
that mine is the losing side.

As I watch my army crumble
I sink down upon my knees
All the gods I’ve called have fallen
their names written in the trees.

Of the thousands that have fallen
I ask why is it they’ve died?
Will the sea still remain hungry?
Can its King be satisfied?

My dark heart has become empty
I suppose it fits the sea.
Yes, the ocean now is calling
I must let the tide take me.

As I drift into the darkness
I can feel the ocean’s eyes
and then I begin to hear them
every soul...and all their cries.

There is dread inside my body
and my lungs tear from my frame,
but the current pulls me deeper.
This is fear, it is not shame.

I hear thundering and clanging
Like the sky is falling down
And it shakes the ocean floor
It’s a moaning, groaning sound

I can feel my soul attempting
To let go and meet its fate
But I feel a force inside me
With an appetite to sate

I can feel my body breaking,
But the King has blessed my eyes
I can see with perfect clarity
the fate my heart denies.

As the murky water thins
and the wails have met their height
I begin to see the horror
of the ocean’s appetite.

All the flesh and bone colliding,
used as blocks of solid stone,
and the souls of men are crying
mortar knit into a throne.

Living seaweed binds the frames,
hearts and lungs spill from the cracks,
Souls are tearing from their bodies,
spines are poking from their backs.

I can feel my jaw is fixed,
in pure terror as I scream,
I can feel it dislocating.
God, I hope this is a dream.

But the God I know is cruel
though at least He keeps his word.
My soul rips from its dead body
it’s the last sound that I heard.

And a thousand years from then
I have been at last reborn.
And from time to time I visit
the sea where my soul was torn.

They have sent down many divers
Said “A city must have fell”
but they hardly know the truth
that the ocean floor was hell.

And when I go out to listen
I can sense a soul or two
drifting up to meet its maker
as it finally breaks through.

I cannot reveal the horror
but it’s written in the trees.
All the names of those who fell
and my own name among these.

High off of your smoke screens
******* in my wet dreams
don’t care what your eyes mean
‘cause our love’s not real.

I don’t care what you say
long as you stay always
true love is a thick haze
I don’t need that ****.

Long as I am lonely
I’ll keep you chained to me
you can never go free
my tears make you weak.

Cinderella’s not real
I don’t care how you feel.
Come on, what’s the big deal?
You can’t fall in love.

Hey now, don’t you want it?
You know that you can’t quit,
we’ll just make the shoe fit.
Crawl right back to me.

The heavens have forsaken me
since birth, through life, in death.
It leaves a sense of vacancy
since god is in my breath.

My body has abandoned me
and every wound is fresh.
I scream to you, who fell from grace
“Is all of this a test?”

For every mark upon my skin
spells jealousy and lust.
He’s like a demon clawing in,
his talons made of rust.

And as my flesh is stripped to threads
and glass rips to the bone
He asks me, “Are you living yet?”
I swear it takes me home.

The air I breathe is far too thin,
I cannot see your face.
He says, “For you is it enough?”
God, is that you I taste?

When every promise that you’ve made
is shattered in his name.
Then maybe I can let you go
and end this filthy game.

He has me down upon all fours
his chains are brands of hate.
I feel his body on mine now
I’ve all his rage to sate.

“Call out to God. Come, spread your wings.
Is this your limit yet?
I promise that I’ll break your veins
in ways you won’t forget.”

The words I speak they cannot stand alone
They fade from me before the meaning's shown
And I just wait here knowing they'll be gone
For without words I know but can't be known

God would give me wings to fly
falling doesn’t mean you’ll die
Freedom is a breath away
Tendons snap and muscles fray

Father said I’d tear my soul
heaven won’t accept me whole
human tears are tainted dew
God will turn away from you

Bind my sin into my chest
holiness will cloud the rest
Love is soaked in vipers nests
sweetened words are poisonous

Sacred ground can’t be called clean
wet with pain that’s called obscene
"Never touch the hearts of men,
turn your face away from them"

Maybe when I break my chains
I can live down all this shame
Shackled by a bitter curse
iron's raw but living's worse

"Godforsaken sons of men
be glad you're not one of them
half of you will light the sky
half of you will fall and die"

Love is like the drink of kings
high on shades of fear it brings
Bind me, touch me, make a vow
I can't live so teach me how

I’m blinded by
my love for you
it’s taken over me.

And ‘til I find
a brighter world
you’re all that I can see.

it’s like choking
it’s like falling
it’s like drowning in the sea

it’s like living
it’s like dying
it’s like anything but me

i can feel it
i can taste it
i can sense it in my skin

i can hate it
i can chase it
i can never let it win

you’re a statue
you’re a phantom
you’re a cannibal and king

you’re a figment
you’re a fragment
You are all that I can see.

I can strum my strings
Play a vocal chord
But my hearing rings
We're just getting bored

If I screamed out loud
you would hear my hell
I coughed up my lungs
on the day I fell

If I ate your bones
would you tear my skin
in a million tones
are our greatest sins.

Rip, rip, rip into my skin.
For I have become
what you’d **** me to be
is a god, my god, my god, save me.

I slip into my skin.
For I have become
what you will me to be.
But to you who is ****;
I am the devil.
Despite where I stand
I appear to be
what I am not.

Blind them
take away their
right to see
you’re reserved for
only me

Undress
open up your
robes to me
let me rip out
all your seams

Protest
fight me when I
touch your skin
fear that I will
sink within

Love me
release as I
climb inside
call me as I
break your pride

Hate me
curse me and I’ll
own your mind
loathe me, it will
make you mine

inspire me
soak deep into my
cotton sheets
find me
coated in endless love
forgotten by every god
in love with my shadow

follow me
come trail behind my
bloodstained feet
chase me
collecting every stain
unfounded and insane
heartbroken and shallow

There are oceans
there are forests
there are castles in my mind

There are gardens
with fresh flowers
and each plant and tree is mine

There are paintings
there are candles
there are masks that live and breathe

There are hallways
there are doorways
there are windows, locks and keys

There are seasons
used as reasons
to escape what can’t be seen

There are shadows
in the meadows
but no people there for me

I could own your soul
If I wanted to
Break it into shards
Seal it back with glue

I could bend your mind
Make you go insane
Have you dance for me
Have you play my games

I could break your bones
Tear into your skin
Turn your flesh to stone
Crumble all your sin

I could **** your will
Take away your heart
Shame your every move
Pull your life apart

I could change your world
With a single word
And you'd kneel for me
Pressed against my sword

I could give you love
Fill your empty shell
But I’d much prefer
That you go to hell.

In my eyes
there is a world
in which the angels dance.

And I swear
I’ll lead you there
if you just take a chance.

Slide your hands
down to your side
and open up your eyes.

Breathe me in
and I’ll begin
to drown out all your cries.

Did you know
that when alone
all thoughts become a sin?

So I’ll tell
you right from wrong
or rather, peel back skin.

Terrified
you pull from me
afraid that you will drown.

Water washing over you…
they all
fall
down.

tangled in my mouth
and
past my lips
are words I dare not speak.

anything but words
I
mean to say
and what I do not mean.

vines that grow like weeds
I cannot
breathe
I cannot
speak
it suffocates me
punctures lungs
and
tears the heart
until
I cease to be.

For though my hands will burn with flame
my heart remains the same.
I sit in silence patiently
my mind echoes your name.

My eyes are filled with fireflies
the sky is wet with rain.
These walls of mine breathe gentle sighs
I think of you again.

Where worlds collide is where I stand
the line seems far too thin.
I always wondered where you'd land
they always seem to win.

It seems like strength is not enough
like I can't do a thing.
My uselessness is haunting me
my screams are how I sing.

My will is burning in my eyes;
my heart is leaning back.
But even when the fire dies
my soul will still attack.

Will you forget me sometime soon?
Will pain make you move on?
The day you finally speak to me,
will everything be gone-

There's nothing you could ever do
to make me turn away.
But even if I stand by you
that doesn't mean you'll stay.

Your lips are spun with gold, they touch me in the softest spot, I cannot speak, you thread me in your love.

My eyes are filled with tears, I cannot breathe, your face is light, the heavenly will scream to me, they miss you dear.

For every angel falls, it loses hope, it gains the world, and gods will pine away, they miss your scented skin.

And every man will crave the silver touch, the kind of silk between your thighs, you taste like home.

Heart inside my throat, I swallow hard, my mind is caught within the web, within the strands of shinning hair.

Choke me ‘till I die, I’m just like them, a climb to heaven, drop to hell, my angel I must go and leave you in the dust.

For man can become god, can climb the sky, can stand in stars, the moon his platter, sun you birth me in your perfect light.

Angel you have fallen, I have climbed, for heavens replace purity, they see the world as balanced in thine eyes.

In all my lives I live with you, I stand by you, I reach towards gods yet stood beside you in the past.

But now I see, the sky is clear, my path is here, a ladder of the galaxies, a chance to triumph, door to futures, key to worlds.

Man will fight and man will build, create a legacy, yes, rip apart the cry of femininity, he takes and builds his walls.

And I am he who sees his chance, who cries at last, my love, my angel, fragrant as you are, I leave your love behind.

I walk away, I climb the sky, I kiss your hair, your eyes, and see within your tears a world of emptiness and pain, but I am god.

In the morning I am hungry.
By the night I take my fill.
I will never wake up lonely.
Here I lie and here I’m still.

In the walls of my subconscious
lie the wishes of my mind
and the hallways there are haunted;
eyes look at you all the time.

Speaking like you know just what to say
Restlessness a language soaked in sin
Regret shall not hurt you if you win.
So go away.

You say...

"I do not mind the man that I’ve become
Ambitious thoughts have never been a sin;
And consequence won’t chase me if I win.
So let me stay."

I say...

Your heart visits the place where demons come
The whitest lies still sow the seeds of sin
To walk this road means that you'll never win
You've found your way.

So walk away.

I do not love or care for you, but I admire what you do;
the way you coldly see things through is something I enjoy.
But soon you'll replace sanity with selfishness and vanity
and even though you cannot see, you'll one day be alone.

It is an inevitability and one you just might fail to see.
At least you speak in honesty! (but we know that’s a lie)
You think you know which mask is you, you think you know what face is true
but actually that little clue you have is just a fluke.

Your eyes are like a ring of ice and please don’t make me tell you twice
that this will slice you like a knife and leave you just a shell.
For there is nothing you can do that will not end up killing you.
You’re acting on what you once knew but everything will change.

So here I look upon your glass, you tell me that it's sure to last
reflecting triumphs of the past makes you think it is strong.
But even if it's standing tall, it really does no good at all
because your mask's a limpid wall, it does not hide a thing.

Yet within your transparency it's funny only you can't see
this empty, blank reality you chose to keep you safe.
But hey, use your autonomy as long as you fall consciously
at least there's no monotony when gods can entertain.