Emily

Emily Sep 2014

dear the love of my life,

thank you for waltzing into my world
so quickly and so unexpectedly
i think we are nothing more
than the perfect stroke of destiny
we are meant to be
there is a reason we found each other
to cure one another from hopeless days
and finally live through our own cliches
you are my sun, my moon, and my stars
without you i am nothing
but a body full of scars
you cure me from self doubt
you fix me from self hate
make me realize i'm unconditionally loved
make me truly believe in fate
you are my mantra, my muse, my woman
i can't breathe without you
not with the absence of your love, i just couldn't
thank you for being mine
and thank you for giving yourself to me
no amount of time or words
could allow me to ever express that to you adequately
give me your forever
not a day less will do
i will love you until my last breath
and when my spirit thrives after my body has died
you, my soulmate, will always be by my side

i love you, lauren.

#love #relationship #girlfriend #loveletter

Emily Sep 2014

tears of joy

crying tears of joy
because i have never been so in love before
i have the most beautiful girl in my life
and we help each other through all of the bad times

crying tears of joy
because i have never seen a face so beautiful
or a body so exquisite
she is beyond the precious and the delicate

crying tears of joy
because i have never encountered such a blessing
she provides me with the perfect love
she is my all and there's no one else above

crying tears of joy
when i think of the way we make love
it's a celestial experience
worshipping each other, removing any distance

crying tears of joy
now that i know i've found my life's true purpose
adoring her and caring for her are what i do best
being with her is my reason, marrying her is next

crying tears of joy
when i look into her blue eyes
she asks me why tears are rolling down my face
i respond saying i can't believe it's her i get to date

my baby is so **** perfect. i'm so fortunate to be surrounded by the most beautiful ******* earth. she makes my world spin, she makes everything worth while. when we are together, i am so happy.

#love #relationships #girlfriend #bi

Emily Sep 2014

depression

depression isn't an excuse to be mean
but one must understand what comes along with a depressed mind
it isn't fun and games
it isn't smiles and laughs
and more times than not it is impossible to forge happiness
you can't expect everything out of someone who can't even get out of bed
you can't expect sanity when one is high off of self inflicted pain
and wasted off of several bottles of alcohol
maybe it is something others can't quite comprehend or understand
maybe it is something not everybody has had the misfortune to experience
but please don't hold it against those who have
please don't assume that they are bad people
because they are good at their core
and they are trying their very hardest to find the light

Emily Sep 2014

Distance

This distance poisons my heart
It rots my mind
Sometimes I don't think
Our love can withstand the test of time

This distance poisons my heart
It fills my head with doubts
Leads me to believe this will never happen
I forget what our love is all about

This distance poisons my heart
Triggers me to do unthinkable things
Makes me feel like I'm not worth it
Makes me inflict these bleeding stings

This distance poisons my heart
I'm always wondering why
Why you are there and I am here
And all I ever manage to do is cry

I miss my girlfriend so ******* much

#love #sadness #relationships #longdistance

Emily Sep 2014

broken promises

i promised my girlfriend
that i'd stay clean
but i can't seem to stay
away from the blade

Emily Aug 2014

never the same

A few days in now
Never will my skin look the same
I'll always be reminded of this pain
I thought I could be strong
But every day I grow weaker
Give in to the urge and grab the blade
Run it across, not feeling any shame
Crying, smiling, laughing, glaring
It's more than just ****** up
I've truly lost myself
I've no idea what I'm doing
The only thing I'm sure of
Is how worthless I feel
And how ugly I look
My wish to disappear
Conflicts with my wish to stay
I tell myself through the flow of years
"I don't want to die,
I just want to be happy for once"
I wonder if this will ever stop
Or if I'm slowly destroying myself
One cut after the other

Emily Aug 2014

New Addiction

I've cut myself four times the past two days
For the first time ever
And I never understood why or how cutters became cutters
I thought it would never be me
But now I understand
When you're in such pain
When you're experiencing depression
You reach such a low point
And the first time you try it
It hurts, it stings
But then you see the blood
And it's like a wave of clarity comes over you
You see the blood and it makes you smile
The first smile you've had on your face in a while
There is something about seeing the blood
And seeing the scar
That makes your pain real
That makes you feel validated
And you cry as you swipe the blade across
But then the cut is made
And suddenly, your eyes dry up
You're able to breathe again
It's addicting