is a memory you wish would go away
a memory you want it to live far away from
how can you survive knowing
a broken memory wonders your mind
knowing that life has a way of escaping
knowing that at any moment your memory will come back
how can you heal
when they're still around
how can you love knowing
wether or not your love is fake or not
honestly the only thing i want from you
is to leave
P.s. take your broken memory too

I still miss you, and I still cry for you
but in the end, I will never have you.
you were my young love and
the rainbow at the end of the storm
but now all you are is an ache
in my tiny black heart

To the men and woman all around the world
who have a list
a list that constantly corrupts them
i would like to say
I know..
i know how hard it is to let go
i know how scared you are
Just know you are not alone
just know that i am here
I  know that i am just a voice
a voice that is millions of miles away
Having no true identity to who i am
or what i am exactly
the only knowledge you have
is a simple "i know."
I just wanted to say that i know how hard it is to keep up
i know how hard life can be
but just know you are not alone.
my love
my heart
and my soul
are one
and having a list creates
punctures that only
a miracle can heal
but i am sure that you already knew that
but please just know that i am here
and i know the pain you feel
i know the terrors you have
but just know to only
BREATHE....
BREATHING.. can help ease
writing  help escape  
and living can help
turn your list into just another little scar
a scar that will no longer bother you
but instead create you
it will make you a new
you
i believe that we can grow
i believe that we can love
and believe that
I can let go..

Useless                                                          ­          
Beyond recall
Worsening
Dejected
…..
The voices
Of people
Who have labeled me
I am a person who cannot be developed
Why is that people have the need to put me down
Is cause people see me , As a somewhat caveman

I wonder if I died today will the world remember me as a terminal case ?
Or would I be remembered as that little girl
Who only wanted to have a friend

I see little kids with their mothers and fathers and
I wonder do their children know that
They are slowly melting away to a society
That does not understand the concept of
Life, with people day by day popping capsules
So they can feel numb to each other. So numb
To fact that they would use the term goner as some sort of a name

I remember the days That  I would lock myself in my room and cry
Cry about how nobody wanted to play with me
Cry about how I never looked like the other girls in my class
I remember the days when my mom would put my hair in pigtails  I had my pigtails till the 4th grade

Many of the other girls thought it was strange
Many people thought I was strange
The only friend I had was the mirror reflection of myself
But sometimes she didn't even want to play with me

I still remember the day a teacher called me stupid
I remember not being able to count backwards
I remember I didn't know how to read
I remember that little girl who
Had one wish
Her wish was to be smart
Till this day she still wishes she was smart

You may say that I'm smart
But in all honesty
I don't see myself as a smart person

I look in mirror every morning and see
A soul who has been bruised too many times
A soul who is barely surviving
This world as we know it                                            

Most of you may see this as a phase
Or just a girl who just wants your attention
But what you don't  realize that
This girl is telling you her story

I would like to tell you that I am a survivor
But that my friend would be a lie
I am still at war
Ladies and gentlemen
You have labeled
Me as a goner

Sings (twenty one pilots GONER):

I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I wanna be known by you
I wanna be known by you

Though I'm weak
Beaten down
I'll slip away
Into the sound
The ghost of you
Is close to me
I'm inside out
You're underneath

I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I wanna be known by you
I wanna be known by you

To the students of my school
I would like to say
I AM AFRAID OF YOU
I am afraid of that little voice in your head
The voice know as judgement
I'm afraid that if I do something I wanna do I'm gonna get  glances from you
I'm scared if I sit at a table with you
You will tell me to leave just cause you,don't know me
I don't know if you remember this
but I remember how we were taught to not belong to a group
We were taught to be ourselves
We were taught to accept others
Yet everyday when I walk into school
I still see people in groups
Don't get me wrong I love the idea of ynou belonging somewhere. I also love the idea of finding people who you bond with
But still when I Walk farther into the depths of our school I see people who sit by them selves
People who still don't have an area to belong
Too
I see kids being laughed at
We are all so quick to judge a person
I guess we haven't heard DON'T jUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER
Do we ever look inside that book
I mean what's the reason to judge a person so quickly
What's the reason to leave a person out
What's the reason to leave a person like me out
I know this may, sound all cliche like
But believe me, I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't think it would need to be said
See if you truly knew me for who I was You would've known that I don't like talking in front of people
You would've know that death is something that haunts me
You would've know I suffer from anxiety and depression
See in all honesty here, I do not like the fact how, people I was friends with no longer talk to me.
Why is it that I feel I never got to their standers
If I'm honest I never got ur rule book on how to be your friend 101
I also do not like the fact how people feel the need to think they are better than everybody else
We are all Same
Why is it that nobody will say anything
Yet I am the only person up hero
Reading this to you
Which scares the **** out of me
Now see not all of you are bad
But some you are just mean
See I'm usually small like a bug  
I don't bother you yet when you see me you just wanna squish me
I don't get the meaning of this
I've told you that before ,you  don't judge a book by its cover
My only request is to the students in this room
I would like to say that don't you forget what we've talked about in this room. Don't forget that the world here is different than the world out there
Don't forget everything you learned here cause to be honest everything here is what you are going to need to survive out there.
See my voice is as small as a mouse but Today MY Words were LOuder  THAN A BOMB

ring ring ring* this is a call letting you know that your life is about to be a nightmare. A call telling you are the reason for all the troubles. A call letting you know, how much of a failure you are. A call confirming all your doubts. A call saying that I am the reason. The reason why everything *****. After you let them talk. The caller hangs up and you start to wonder is it truly me . Was I the cause , should i have been born. Then you replay the happiest moments. You start to say " I am not the problem" . You hope that you won't cry yourself to sleep tonight. You hope that tomorrow is a new day. You try to ignore the fact that you get that call. In reality that call has been added to the pile of disgrace. In the end you will label your self as disgrace, but that's ok cause it's only temporaryYou will soon find a new label and the old label will soon fade the day will come when I look back and see all the pain that people have cause me and I will simply yell "*******. And leave

That moment when you know you just can't breathe
The moment when you completely lost control of who you are
See not many people have that true honesty to confess this.
I know this because I know what's it like to  be this sad
The constant feeling of whether you are good enough
Oh and don't forget the constant panic attacks that haunt you
You start to wonder why you are where u are
You start to wonder how
is it that so many people are ok
To be honest I am not okay
I've said this millions of times
But how is a person ok when they know that their whole world is falling down
How is it that I can still never find the secret to success
My mind is locked away in a series of codes
Codes that I can never find
I wonder if I died today, would people be ok
Would people be happy that I'm gone
Would they cheer at the fact that I am no longer here to annoy them
This morning I had that thought
The thought of what if I died today
I told my parents I didn't feel good
I told them I'm not okay
My mother told me to stop being dramatic
How do I control this please tell me how
Please help me,
When I cry I never know whether it's because I'm dramatic or is it because I'm just depressed
To tell you the truth, I am depressed
I'm depressed… I do not know why though
I'm stuck
I'm so depressed that I've learned to wear a mask already
Like mother like daughter, some might say
Or would They simply say …. Well I don't know what else to say
I don't know how to be the person I was before. I'm not the same. Ik that we constantly grow
But do we grow so much that you can't even recognize yourself in the mirror
Ik I've told this before but when I look at myself in the mirror all I see is a face and a mirror
I no longer see a girl with a dream
I no longer see that girl with a bright smile
I have completely changed
I've been told i am honest
Idk if I was ever this honest

I am trying my best not to be sad
I am trying to take off this mask
I am warning you what underneath this
May depress you
It may cause you to look away
I am giving you caution
Don't say that I didn't warn you
Because under this mask
Is a **** load of depression
If u see this face
It will remind you of depressing puppies
It will remind of the why
Unicorns no longer exist
If you haven't NOTICED
I AM TRYING SO ******* HARD TO BE FUNNY RN
As you can tell
I am probably failing
I am going to need a lot
Of Ben and jerry’s to recover this
Maybe even some movies
Unlike a bad break up
Depression is my break up
Depression is what consumes me
In and out
I am no hell  but I can tell you rn
That I am trying
I am trying hard rn
So please
Dont go all crazy on me
Cause ive already got crazy
So this is depression to me

I walk in
I hope to find you
I hope to see those pearly whites
That brought a big wide grin to my face

Dear white chocolate mocha
Where are you
I am looking for you
Are you looking for me..?

I listen to a man, that goes by the name sheeran
When he sings it echoes in my ear
It’s like an anthem,
So sweet that the goddess of love can surely drink to

Dear white mocha,
I want to know your secrets
I want to watch the stars glow at night

White mocha most of all
I want to know what it’s like to fall and have you catch me
I want you to be my friend

Mocha I want to be able to be in sync
Instead of two
Can our souls intertwined to be one?


Dear white chocolate mocha do you know how to fix a broken girl ?