collins lidede: Poems

842 · Nov 2014

collins lidede Nov 2014

I thought this day would never come,
The day that you cried over what I do
But I did it because you asked me to.
I never knew it would hurt this much

I sit down and wonder,
Was what I did a blunder
All in the name of a better living
I never knew it would come to this

I wish I didn't have to
I wish my life was as perfect as yours
I wish it would all go away
I never knew wishes were just that....wish

Every life I live is a fake,
Every word I say to you is not
Every chance I get I give it all
I never knew it could not be enough

I never knew you will be hurt
I never knew us was stronger than I
I never knew I could love this much
Until I married another....

#love #hate #relationship

834 · Aug 2014

Needle in a Haystack

collins lidede Aug 2014

Needle in a Haystack

I feel like a needle in a haystack
Thinking that this is all a dream
If only I could look at the bigger picture
All I do is complain
about how I am different,
About how I am lost in this big pile.
Maybe I am different, maybe
Being different is a good thing, it’s unique and original.
I am comfortable with falling in love with a lie,
As long as I don’t get to know the truth.
That is the reason for why I smile… because you expect me to cry…
Maybe you’re right.
I mistook our endless conversations, your sweet texts, the compliments & our amazing moments for you liking me.
i let my guard down and got hit
i got hit with affection like i had never been loved before
at least if i die now, i know what happiness feel like
now in this abyss i am stuck
but then again i am just a needle in this Haystack

#love #hate #romance #affection

610 · Jun 2014

Life in a bottle

collins lidede Jun 2014

Life in a bottle

Trying too hard to make it right
when all I do is make the air tight
I try to understand the pain
The more I do the less trust I gain
There is only one me in the world
If I could pay someone to make it happy for me I would.
But unfortunately the karma is too big to risk
Who to trust and who not to
that's always between a rock and a hard place
But maybe that hard place is just made out of cardboard
My life was too big to handle
so I forcefully stuffed it in a bottle
And now I can't get it out, without breaking the bottle
But the thought of broken glass tearing it apart leaves me to stare
For now my life will remain in the bottle.

#broken #life #heart

431 · Oct 2015

But

collins lidede Oct 2015

But

I have never treated you wrong
But all you see in me are my
wrongs

I don't expect you
to love me as much as I do
But at least I expect you
to act like you do

Every time your words
make a hole in my back
But every time it is love that I give back

You say that I don’t love you as much as I used to
But I wish you knew how much
my love could add up to

It’s like everytime we play a game of blame and shame
But my blame and shame
no more than my love which is always the same

Everytime my heart bleeds for you
But all the time its all about you

Sometimes I feel like i am
some dirt to get rid of
But I would rather be that dirt
than nothing at all

You can treat me however you want
But I will always love you more
because you are all I want

#love #anger

317 · Oct 2015

Winter Flower

collins lidede Oct 2015

Winter Flower

If you could read my mind you would be in tears
When I see you I always try to be keep it classy
But everytime I touch you I get a little nasty
I have it , I know it, and I use it
That’s all I can say about my love for you to believe it
I always think of three words every time
When with you it’s I LOVE YOU
Without you it’s **** MY LIFE
Always acting like nothing is wrong
Putting **** aside and acting strong
We both have wounds that no one can see
But all I say is it’s ok when it’s not at all.
It’s not OK if I am a second choice,
I always want to be first.
You will always be
A flower that I will take care of
to make sure it doesn’t wither
Even during the coldest winter

#love #hate #relationships

301 · Apr 2015

Broken

collins lidede Apr 2015

Broken

My life a boring genre
Stuck in a cold abyss
Everything going a miss
Comfortable with falling
in love with a lie
as long as the truth isn't revealed

So hard to make it right
ending up making the air tight
trying so hard to understand this pain
the more i do, the less trust i gain
Stuffing all these mortal coils
in this long necked bottle
the pain and feelings
stuffed in and congested

Only one way to let them out
break the bottle and release me
But the thought of the broken glass
cutting through those feelings
and maybe, just maybe
the bleeding never stops
makes me hide that bottle
far away from any one

#love #feelings #hate

— The End —