you're right
I don't deserve it
and every always
is a shade for
some uncertain grasp
on why we need other people
why my heart still hurts
and why the good things
can't last

I learn so much
from each time
my heart breaks
from each time
I turn my self off
to keep a straight face
there will probably be more days
but I'm not going to forget
that you ******* walked away

a
little more
than 160 proof,
little less than
you.

fire me towards a career
or something
(any/or/either/neither)
because i haven’t been
playing music

and i’m starting to seem
the emaciate-pit peach on  a too-tall
tree of plenty
just out of reach

of tantalus,
waist-deep in a river
of cornsilk braids too
rich for eyes, too coarse for tongue or teeth

garden of goddesses
wielding life-flow
geometry
keep the
hounds and
ghost-things
at bay.

undress a smoky corset,
tendrils, or turgid
rapids, swatting
ceases less
twining strands
than flies.

i wish it away,
woven comfort,
a web of fraying
calico and red tape,
bearing the weight
of an arachnid slew.

yet away with it
yields my downfall,
tumbling branch
to branch,
unfeeling, unthinking,
but for my parachute.

i lost a life
to watching
a mirror and
the marker in my hand,
but it could not stop
the leaves from drifting,
nor the water from taking the leaves,
nor those leaves from disintegrating.

simmer down,
shudder breath,
breathe deep
&center

In some world
it could almost be funny
that you're this idea
I've been stuck on
but really
you were the first
soul that I ever
found truth in

you saw me
(you promised
you'd never let me
run away)

and I keep avoiding
face to face
because
these awful sobs
get caught in my throat
and I can't know what
god awful noise will escape
in place of "hello"

(I ******* swear
I've moved on)

I haven't heard
your voice in
10 months
(except for
in my head
in my dreams
and
in a voicemail
that you told me
"always")

I am new

but
every ******* word
is still true
and I refuse
to let my
sinking chest
make a lie
out of you

I saw a face
on my journey towards self improvement.
This face was a representation,
a sign of hope,
A sign of all the things I am looking for,
within myself and without.
I called out and it answered
without hesitation
with love, understanding, and compassion.
It soothed my nerves
It released my tension
It was the hidden antidote,
the spiritual guide,
the handsome stranger,
The home.
And home is where I hope to remain.