Should I tell you
How I feel
Or
Do I lose sleep
Thinking about the words
I would say

Acts of kindness come in disguise
They're surprises unexpected
That create smiles within yourself
The silence of words
That the measures are with gestures

For the moments I have spend with you
I cherish
Within the repetition
I'll continue to say it until
it soaks in 
It might even get tiresome
I just want you to feel
everything
as of the deep breaths you take
when you seem to look up
and breathe in because
life seems great at the moment
because all it is really
is being with someone that gives you that spark
that always seem to drag to make fire
throughout our darkest nights
You remind me that I can do anything if I go for it
You're my every wind that creates the water to move
to create such beautiful waves
You truly are special 
You are my Sun as I'm your Moon --Always--

I tried to hold everything together
And seconds later, the tears seem
To fall down

And I am under
drowning

The pieces of my heart
Is scattered

And trying to
Find the pieces
Is like trying to count
The stars in the sky at night
With tears rolling down

For all the times we looked up
We ended up making our own Picture
And it ended up to be
The most beautiful canvas ever made
                                   
Its amazing how our minds can create
Something so small or big
And have a deep connection to someone
You never met
*!

As broken as I am
Turning every situation left
As if love has left
And I’m trying to love yet
My heart is Harden
The possibilities of it being played with is endless
My mind says
So delicate my heart
Be gentle with my heart
I ask of you to kiss my mind
With your eyes and let your lips
Sync to the melodic getaways
Let it play out
Until the seasons repeat
Let it play out
Until forever more
That I want to give it to you
but I’m sensitive to every situation
Dealt with it all in the past
Not wanting to come across another project
Trying to piece my heart together
Simultaneously finding myself
Wondering
Why I could never get anything right
Look at the waves how wild they can become
Yet so soft sometimes
Underneath lies a larges amount of nothing more
But it depends how you look at it
There is free Hillary written all over my canvas
The pen ran dry
The words remain the same with vivid details
Safe me
Reflected on her eyes
My own eyes
Your voice calms the wild
Throughout the storms
So soft spoken you are
So driven with your art
So multi talented *** you
I’ll let you tell it
Synced in with the melodic getaways
The energy so fire yet water nor anything can put it out

As I stare at the paper
My mind is  loud
My pen is  still
And seconds later
It bleeds,
Leaving permanent marks,
Hurting & trying to hide my feelings

Eventually I ran out of words,
Missiles began to hit
The words began to drag

We have to realize
Everyone's always
Going through something

Some people need more time
Than others
Not everyone lives the
So called normal life
Some struggle trying
To get through everyday
Of life

I’m no ordinary artist
I love to get ***** simultaneously being creative for an ear to listen and an eye to see

She grew into the most Beautiful
and she can't be found

Look at the beauty
In everything
And open your mind

BEAUTIFUL LIES WERE YOUR TRUTH
EVENTUALLY I GREW
TIRED OF ALL OF THE
REASONS YOU GAVE
AND FOCUSED ON MYSELF BECAUSE
YOU ONLY CARED 
ABOUT YOURSELF
LOYALTY FIRST LOVE, ALWAYS

My mouth is a cell
When it comes to you
Because the words
Are wanting to be free
But the metal bars
Won't let them out

How come that
When your living life
You miss all the things
That are right in front
Of you?

You are blinded by it
So blinded that no matter
How hard you try
The blinds won't come off
And you start living your life
Built off with lies

& as time goes by
You start to see it
& the blind starts
To fade
& wondered how
Come you didn't
See it earlier

I asked her to describe her mood by color
& she said "blue"
Then I asked her why she's sad
Responding
I'm not
I just love the way the ocean makes me feel
I love the water
So therefore "am blue"

Crashing waves
Washing away every color except for the mood I feel
As the sky,
Different hues of the waters
The sound is everything but still
Burning sun laying on my skin
Like the warmth of a hug,
So much elation I feel within
Stains a smile on my face,

From a far the waters aligns itself
And when
Closing my eyes
Visualizing what I seen
Sun beaming on me still
Hearing the waters going different directions
Hidden clouds up above
Moving from the wind

It's beyond what you see
Its also how it makes you feel
So therefore I love the hues
So therefore "am blue"

I ask her to describe her mood
By color
& she said*  *"blue"
& I asked her why she's sad
She responded

*"I'm not,
I just love the way the ocean makes me feel
I love the water
So therefore I'm blue"

Weeks gone by                                          
And I still miss you                                  
Every day                                                  
           ­                                                       
I feel so empty
My heart aches
& the tears won't
Stop flowing down

You knew the little things about me            
& when we talked                                    
We always seem to                                  
Pick up where we left off                          

I don't know if I could ever
Close the book
& leave it on a shelve
As it ages

So much memories                  
& yet I can't no longer            
Write in it because                  
Things changed and                
Your day came quick

The page where we'd
Left off will
Forever be on hold
& the bookmark remains

I'm scared that if he
Knows I cry
Most of the nights
He won't love me the same

He would look at me different

He'll think
I'm  too  weak
I'm  too broken
I'm  too sensitive
I'm  too depressed
I'm  too destructive

He'll think
I'm not the person he thought I was
That I'm everything but happy

& truly
I am
(Broken, Sensitive, & Depressed)
I just need time to heal
I need time to learn how to love myself
Step by Step

& just the thought that he might leave hurts
*& that scares me

Lies
          After
                      Lies
           ­                            & as much as I wanted to
                                         Believe  You
                                               ­                                                              **I couldn't

Chaos within the eyes
the silent cries
the "maybe's" and "what if's"
the long contemplation set in the mind
with the thought of the things most loved
its feeling mentally stuck
and wanting a elation feel to burn your face
That with a bit of blue there is more than 
sadness
its the chaos in between the seconds of
the waves crashing together
its the feeling one feels
when inspiration enters the mind
and relaxes your body

C** an you see, take a
L ook
O pen your eyes, look
U p & realize I'm
D epressed

Hottest Summer turned to the coldest Winter
Drinking all this liquor, it keep me burning ruining my liver
Oh I can’t sleep
Hell is loving you in my sleep and waking up alone
I met you in my dreams
Stories were untold
Told me
We were going to have better days
Oh how much I love sleep
Oh how much I can’t sleep
Can’t accept that you only exist when my eyes closed
Time ran fast when my eyes closed
Thought we were close
I would wait for you
You never showed
After that heated argument
You never showed
Now I have  no one to hold me while I sleep
Now I hate sleep
So tired I lost track of time
Time ran slow without you
Parts of me feels like I can’t do this without you
So many letters I lost track of that too
Days ahead still not over you
I want to continue dreaming
I want to Dream forevermore
& now I drown my body in caffeine
Trying not to dream
Knowing that the farther I am
The weight becomes light
And I can breathe again
Blurred vision with tears blinding me
Ever felt heavy heart
Ever felt distorted thoughts ruining you
Tearing you apart
Knowing you kept me whole
Connection bond through body & soul

I'm going to forget
All the times you made me
*Cry

Darkness was all there was
Darkness was all I seen

Give me light
So I can be on
My way

Just a little light
Just a little light
**Can help

My thoughts are  LOUD
And silence, --exists still--

Silence kills
It leaves open wounds
That stings as of strong alcohol
Sipped or chugged down

Leaving me to want to sink in
Wanting not to be saved
Wanting to escape this pain
I no longer want to feel

Wanting to break the silence
Every part killing me inside and out
But too depressed to even care
For the hurt that I feel within

The silence screams in the lonely heart.
Terrorizing fears fill the void vessel.
A loyal code with the sly predator.

No one comprehends, no one befriends.
Until the silence speaks with lethal force, no one can prepare.

The wind whispered words powered by popularity.
"If they don't converse with you, they'll converse about you."
The helpless soul flew, yes without wings.
From the concrete jungle, the industrial swing.
In one breath, the silence ended everything.

**Now the next day, they all knew the silent killer.

I think about you
I worry about you
And every time we disconnect
It worries me
To the point it
Starts to feed,
Eating me alive
Because I always imagine the worse
Because how can you look up to the sky
When there isn't one for you to look at
Days, Weeks, even years
Will pass
*And the sky will
Never be the same
Without you

The words forever soaked in
The repetition was different
Every time I thought about it
Nothing was ever the same

With every thread reminding me
The pain I've felt within the early pages
Its all I have ever encountered
Its all I know

I don't know what's eating me alive
More

Maybe its because I can't let go
Maybe its because I think TOO much
Maybe its because I don't like the way things are
Maybe its because I'm tired of waiting
Maybe its because I wish I had told you the words I had left to say
Maybe its because I wish I wasn't so shy
Maybe its because I don't love myself the way I wish I did

I don't know what's eating me alive
More

Every second that goes by thinking about you
Wanting to forget you

Or

**Regretting things I once felt was
Amazing

Why is my presence needed
When my mind is
Elsewhere?

E** ventually
M y heart broke into
P ieces;
T he pain was excruciating, I couldn't blame
Y ou , I blamed myself

Because sometimes all we need is an explanation for these waves

because sometimes all we need is that breeze to make us understand patience

because as the wind causes the waves in between there's patience for the biggest waves 
yet to come

as life has it's positive side,
that not all waves are sad 
but built with euphoria for what's to come

Sometimes things are  felt  without words

Sometimes things without  words  aren't felt

She grew into the most Beautiful
And she couldn’t be found//

BUT THESE BUTTERFLIES CREATE FEELING
SUCH GREAT FEELING
YOUR PERSONA / AURA QUIET
BUT I BET YOUR MIND LOUD

AND
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE NOBODY'S REACHING
JUST KNOW YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
ALWAYS
I'LL COME RUNNING
I KNOW PAIN
& IT'S NOTHING NICE
DIFFERENT STORIES
MAYBE
BUT ITS ALL PAIN
NO MATTER WHICH PIECES YOU HAVE
OR MAY HAVE LOST

I WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL OF ME BECAUSE
I CAN'T DO HALF *** FEELINGS
SOMETIMES I WANT TO EXPRESS MYSELF
OTHER DAYS I DON'T WANT TO SHOW ANY EMOTIONS
KISS MY MIND GENTLY
SLOWLY

I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY
GOOD INTENTIONS FOR MY LIFE
NO PLACE HERE FOR ANYTHING
DRAINING, STAGNANT, OR MISLEADING 
I WANT TO BE LOVED ENTIRELY
KNOWING MY FLAWS
WANTING TO BECOME A
BETTER VERSION FOR MYSELF
UNTIL I CAN'T ANY LONGER


SO MUCH TIME WASTED
ON
PEOPLE NOT REALLY KNOWING THEMSELVES
NOT KNOWING ANYTHING BUT EVERYTHING
OR FOR THAT MATTER OF SECOND GUESSING EVERYTHING
THAT FEELS RIGHT
BECAUSE IN A COLD WORLD
THAT FEELING RIGHT JUST DOESN'T SIT RIGHT WITH THEM ANY LONGER
BECAUSE WITH EVERYTHING THAT FELT RIGHT
SHIFTED LEFT

CONGRATULATIONS YOU DONE PLAYED YOURSELF


SIMULTANEOUSLY FEELING EVERYTHING
ALL AT ONCE
FROM NOT WANTING TO FEEL ANYTHING

MOST DAYS
CAN BECOME DARK FAST
NOT WANTING TO FEEL ANYTHING
JUST SO THERE'S LESS PIECES OF ME SCATTERED
A PIECE OF ME WILL FOREVER REIGN 
& I'LL FOREVER NOT EVER BE THE SAME
I ACCEPTED THAT
FEEL LIKE I WANT TO DROWN WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER
AND OTHER DAYS FEELING UNSTOPPABLE
ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE I FEEL PIECES
WITHIN PIECES THAT HELD A PIECE OF ME
TRAILS & TRIBULATIONS MADE 
FOR LESSONS LEARNED
AND SO MUCH MORE TO GAIN

Few words
Were never enough for me
But I managed some how

To tell you what
I love most about  You  and your  flaws
That you seem to care about

I love you for  You,

I wish you understood

For every me piece of me
Loves every bit of You

                                                                      **♥

The flowers began to die
They would change color
They would curl
And suddenly they all died

And I am sick mentally
Hoping I will get better soon

I stopped walking in where the flowers were
Because I would break down
And I would water them
With my tears
And I knew I couldn't go back there
It's just too depressing
& yet I haven't cleaned it
Because I'm not ready to let go
Hoping that someday
Someone will walk in that room
And pick me up every time I fall
While we clear up the room

We'll replant new flowers
& watch them grow
Into something so Beautiful
So breathtaking

Forever a  Poet  and  You
will just be another story
I will write about

Even when bad things occur
We always forget about
The good things we still have.

Sometimes  I wonder
Sometimes  **I cry
For way too long

For
eveRy piece of me
gAve up on
everythinG
I* ever thought
couLd
b*E

The frequency rains to such tone
That only grasp meaning
Of the heartfelt person you are
So deep beyond measures
Where words piece themselves naturally
And I look at your pieces
And my pieces
And think to myself
There are so many pieces
Pieced together in such ways
Peace is longing for
Wishing I could make all the hurt go away
Wishing the times you felt alone
I could hold you until you become
A flower

I'll never forget how beautiful you are
Every time I don’t see you
I think about every detail of you
Starting from the inside

As she speaks her voice cracks
It shakes
As her lips begin to move
In such ways she never imagined
She spoke truth
She fell in love with herself

THE DEMONS YOU CAN’T HIDE
I KNOW YOU HURTING DEEP INSIDE
I KNOW THAT FAKE SMILE
HOLDS A LOT
I COULD TELL BY YOUR EYES
YOU NEED HEALING
I COULD TELL BY YOUR MIND
EVERYTHING FOR YOU IS MISLEADING
TRYING TO PIECE PIECES ON TOP OF PIECES
WHILE MIND SPEEDING
MIND ALWAYS RACING
ONE THING TO KEEP IN MIND IS TO
ALWAYS HAVE PATIENCE
HAVING WITHDRAWALS TRYING NOT TO GO
BACKWARDS
SO YOU UP
THINKING TO YOURSELF
LET’S SEE HOW FAR I CAN GO
BEFORE I CRASH
HOPING I MAKE IT FURTHER THIS TIME
I CAN’T LOOK BACK NOW
I MADE IT SO FAR
FEELINGS IN DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS
GOING THROUGH DIFFERENT EMOTIONS
PIECES WITHIN MORE PIECES
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MESS
I CALL ART
A MASTERPIECE IN THE MAKING
WHEN I EXPRESS
I BREAK DOWN
EVERY SO OFTEN
THROUGHOUT MY NIGHTS
THROUGHOUT MY DAYS
THIS FEELING HURTS
I AM HAPPY FOR MY FUTURE ENDEAVORS
I DESERVE THIS
AND SIMULTANEOUSLY
DEEP DOWN I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN
INTERNALLY
AND AS I FOCUS
I FEEL EVERY BIT OF
EVERYTHING
I AM LIVID
I AM DISGUSTED
WITH MYSELF
FOR ALLOWING THINGS TO ALTER
LOOKING AT MY REFLECTION
AS I SPIRALED
I WENT COMPLETELY BLACK
I SUNK
I WASN’T ME
I WAS IN A DARK PLACE FOR A YEAR
FOR THE TIME I SPENT THERE
IT MADE ME STRONGER
NOW IM DEFEATING MY DEMONS
IM WARRIOR
IM BECOMING EVERYTHING I WANT TO BE
THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF
SCULPTING EVERY BIT OF ME
STARTING WITH MY MIND
THIS JOURNEY ISN’T GOING TO BE EASY
WE BOTH ARE AWARE OF IT
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT
YOU ARE IMPORTANT
YOU WEIGHT
YOU MATTER
EVEN WHEN YOU SINK
EVEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU CANT
YOU CAN
AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE
DAYS
EASIER THAN OTHERS
NIGHTS
HARDER THAN OTHERS
AND WHEN YOU FALL
FROM SUCH HEIGHTS
DON’T GIVE UP
STAY STRONG
LOVE YOURSELF
FORGIVE YOURSELF
EVERY SINGLE TIME
TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF
WHEN NEEDED
FIGHT FOR YOURSELF
LIKE YOU FIGHT FOR OTHERS
THEY NEED YOU
SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF
BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BECOME
DON’T LET THE PAST HOLD YOU BACK
OF YOUR BLESSINGS
LET GO OF ANYTHING THAT’S HINDERS YOU
THE ONLY
THAT CLOSURE YOU THINK YOU NEED IS JUST TAKING
STEPS FORWARD
AND NEVER LOOKING BACK
A DAY AT A TIME
WE GOT THIS
THROUGH TRAILS & TRIBULATIONS MADE 
FOR LESSONS LEARNED
AND SO MUCH MORE TO GAIN
❤️‍🩹

Having
Everything bottled up inside
And
Remembering
The times it couldn't take anymore

She'll have heartaches
Because of  you
*& he'll never know