i leave hints
with a stench of possibility,
& i can destroy the world
yet still be filled on humility.
a gentle balance
of
madness
&
misconstrued sadness.
im always writing about me.

i found strength where i once saw only weakness.
i found the words to say while everyone stayed speechless.
i stood abrasive in my fears,
i shed like one too many tears
but in the end i am stronger than before.
see, with or without you
i live on.
all of my willingness
to be in the mix
is gone.
i will not die without you here!
i am self-made
remember, dear?
i am not chasing what i possess within myself.

with a depth of deception,
mysteriously vague.
only careless perceptions,
who dare to invade?
unexplored,
uninviting,
unfamiliar,
un-seen.
caressing riddled energies,
so powerful,
so keen.

beautiful pearly skin,
a head full of hair
with strands that dance to the beat of the waves.
stature equipped with light movements so swift,
i have not seen but i can tell your eyes are true.
out of the blue,
visiting shores
you reappear.
a simple peek,
dive in the deep
then disappear.
where did you go?
it seems like you were never here.

seeking escape from a world
that thrives on my pain.
main focus is a focus
that drives me insane.
i can’t be still,
my mind is anxious,
my soul is erupting.
the most illogical of impulse
making something of nothing.
-
i only exist inside,
where i never have to hide.
i’m never running from my actions,
never cancelling my pride.
resisting all that works against me,
no borders
or no fencing,
no offensive use of power can control.
no being similar,
persona young or old.
a living proof of distant energy,
words circulate the remedy
for all that can restart a dying peace.

the goal is elevation.
consistent dedication
to complete separation
from everything that does not serve the person i am trying to become.
& though my value is downplayed
i know that this physical reality,
this ambiguous identity is not all there is to me.
i dare not subscribe to a world of lies
& desolation
disguised as everything i could ever dream.
i am more than what you see with eyes in collaboration with a mind stuck in a box
surrounded by mediocre thoughts
& needless intentions.
you say i am powerless because i see little value in this material reality
where appearance takes place of character
& the frailty that seeps though designer clothing is most genuine.

i believe in a creator,
the most diligent artist itself.
not man\woman,
not human at all;
a force greater than the most complex of understanding.
i don't believe in a saviour
returning to save the world,
i believe in a divine plan
so perfectly timed
that the world will save itself.
an enforcer of love,
not the word
but the feeling.
undeniably a feeling relating to a higher source of energy.
a higher being
possessing a certain healing.
i believe in energy,
frequency,
vibrations high & low.
vibes everywhere you go.

a certain chill across my skin,
it gives me goosebumps.
to look outside & see the skys all dark & gray.
to all the better days ahead of me,
with sadness as my remedy
it pays a homage to the storms
that passed my way.
-

so confident in your incompetence.
embodying the most flawed,
inconsistent
form of existence
& you wear it so well like a second spine only fitting for you.
you are a perfect balance of
unyielding strength
& undefined weakness,
a mixture of beauty derived straight from the avengeful cosmos
& the
ugliness that settles the depth of the abyss.
you are clumsy &
you make a mess of everything you come in contact with
still
you are genuine in all of your oddness.
you make it clear that perfection is illusive,
holding your crown of thornes so proudly
that you make it easier to live.

each day i struggle to stay alive;
the war inside of me has outstayed it’s welcome.
the ghost of my past derides every step i make.
so needy.
always seeking attention
still
you never have anything to offer,
but you hold high the audacity to take all that does not belong to you.
like happiness.
you see me smiling and bombard my concious mind with a million reasons why i don’t deserve to smile.
i have been trying to silence you but i am finding that there is no silencing.
you exist for a reason i may soon understand.
without you
i may never understand.

so you lead and i submit?
well,
while the blind cannot lead
and you will most likely drag me to ****,
atleast we’re cute.
you know? relationship goals.
-
it’s funny,
men tell you what not to be then betray you with the same description.
& they ain’t messing with no gold digger but an encounter with a woman that has her sh-t together
leaves your ego fetal positioned.
-
it’s tragic.
one day they are all over you,
the next day they are over you.
the mind games are the only thing that’s lasting.
attracted to big as$3s.
never mind
how she keeps her surroundings,
can she cook some food?
raise a child?
or raise you, for that matter.
-
you base worth off of body count
or how tight a vagiina grips
your insecure little d-ck
that’s seemingly more of a man than you can ever be.

even when i am alone
i am not lonely.
no half of me is missing
or within someone else
because i am full
& i am whole
on my own.
this new love that i have discovered
is different,
uncomfortable almost.
it is the love that i had searched for high and low.
it is the love that i needed when a love i thought needed me
didn’t really need me at all.
it is the love i cryed out and prayed for,
the very love i thought only existed within the man of my dreams.
now
i am the man of my dreams
so to the man of my dreams,
good luck.

my mind releases fluid
that runs through my veins,
it turns me into terror
it drives me insane.
comes rushing with excitement
the need to be touched,
the need to be explored
is becoming too much.
-

time means nothing
when you don’t have anything.

where i am from
ignorance is like a crown
worn ever-so proudly,
and detriment like softened blows
taken ever-so mildly.
       there is foolish pride here,
       there is no one to guide here.
everyone just cries
& complains all the time
& i guess it’s in the nature
of the poor
unconditioned minds.
i guess it’s what you do
when you know of nothing else.
i guess it’s what you do
when you know nothing of ones self.
i am of the few
that knows just what to do,
but if you are not popular
in society view
then who are you?
you do not matter.
they do not hear the words you say,
but it is fine
just save yourself,
they’ll see you tried to help
some day.
some day too late.

i’ve seen you here
sometime before.
ive felt you here,
but im not sure.
are you a dream?
non-lucid thought?
prophetic screening,
un-clever truth.
familiar feelings,
deja-vu.

like i am hot or cold,
like i am white or black,
like some gleam in abundance
and others form a lack;
i am either
elated
and ecstatic
or drowning in a sadness,
either dancing with the angels
or travelling the madness.

i’ve been in love before,
but never like this.
a love straight from the genie
who granted my wish.
who said to hold you close,
to make you smile
in new ways
because
in a year or two,
the love-spell might fade.
he may lose the sight of
who you are
or what you’ve shared,
but don’t you be worried
and
don’t you be scared
because
true love never dies,
it never gives up
so cross up your fingers,
& wish yourself luck.

my mind won’t accept the fact that you are what my heart wants;
they fight every hour
on the hour.
my mind says it’s dumb and it will never work
my heart says:
“real love has the power
to move mountains,
& break broundaries.
so listen when i say,
just follow me &
trust that i will show you the right way.”

so
there’s this guy
unlike any other guy.
he’s never hurt
or made me cry,
he’s always nice,
he’s always sweet.
but
we have yet to
meet or greet.

since forever doesn’t last,
just love me til whenever.
when the physical has passed
let our souls dance together.

you stroke all of my weak spots,
true colors are a bleak,
emitting radiation
to reveal what's underneath.
your love is like a drug,
so bad
but
yet
so good.
your lips
are worth me dying,
destroy me like you should.

make a home in your chaos,
embrace your inner madness,
it is better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness.

the feeling of being close to you
ignites a special flame that’s within me.
like no one else ever could,
you tap into a deeper part of me
that has yet to be exposed.
no matter what,
you will always hold that place.

i want your arms on my body
wrapped tight
close knit.
i want to feel you inside me
so deep
perfect fit.
allow your tongue to explore me
as my lips keep you company
all of my fears have erased
i want to feel you on top of me.

i hate to wonder what if,
but what if?
what if i am never allowed to taste your lips?
what if the flame is lost before we spark a match?
what if your heart is closed,
the most restricted latch.
what if your smile has faded?
& you are tired of waiting?
what if your love is out of patience for me?
what if our eyes,
they never formally meet?
what if i never get a chance to hear you snore as you sleep?
what if our bodies never touch?
what if we’re somehow out of luck?
not a moment
to hold you close,
or a single second
to show you
that you mean the most? ...

who says that storms can’t be beautiful?

opportunity knocked;
well
it banged.
awaking me from the sweetest dream of all the things that aren’t,
but could have been.
can they still be?
with hardened dribble on my cheek,
i groaned
“who’s there?
come in.”
hovering over me,
possessing feelings of mere affection
he just stood there.
i felt him
but i never looked up.
see,
i figured
if he wanted my company
he would have made it clear to me.
instead he stood embracing me,
steady mocking the mess i had made of myself.
he didn’t even offer to help.
not a small word or
a shy good luck.
not a simple you’re beautiful,
or demand to get up.
nothing.
he seemed scared.
was i that much of a monster?
a vicious scene to be feared?

i am deep in relations
with a deeper meaning;
familiar to a larger view
of a picture that most
can only see a spec.
so when i’m distant
don’t you take it
as a form of disrespect,
or neglect.
my space
is required,
my ability to function
is in compliance with
my ability to be silent.
in solitude
i confide and
they say no man is an island,
i am an island,
isolated.
separated.
never to be integrated.

would you die
to feel the warmth
of my persuasive embrace.
what would you do
for just a second of my time?
you dare not question my desire.
immense expression,
you’re in dire need of something that can make you whole again.
i hold the changer of worlds in a pocket so small.
a heavy guard at the gates,
there is no passcode.
how do you enter?
no one has entered since the past-world.
& all who entered
& left,
are still lost
with regrets.
you cannot leave this place of comfort,
you’ll never find it
not again.
there’s only one way &
the secret lies within.

there is attitude as strong as my own in these kinks and these coils,
my Afro has a mind of its own.
she stands tall when she wants,
shrivel up when she’s cold.
sometimes shy,
she is not a people person.
my Afro only communicates with other Afros.
she ain’t stingy but she **** sure don’t like to be touched.
don’t you try to sweet talk her
when she’s in a rush.
only like a wash & oils.
sometimes gel and finger coils.
she’s amazing,
i love my twa.

a certain glisten in her eyes,
like a star fallen from skies.
an orchid bloomed in place of heart,
she stands alone,
she stands apart.
a phenix driven by the waves among the sea.
so many parts you cannot see,
a mystery.
a vignette art,
so rare,
nobody else can be.
consists of magic
to fulfill,
your fantasy.

i don’t need your attention,
bet that got your attention.
sometimes i need your affection,
sometimes i grieve with intention.
not used to someone that don’t need you,
you don’t need me?
i don’t need you.
say what you mean,
say what you need to.
i need proof,
i don’t believe you.
-

a past as dark as nothing,
as sound as the abyss.
with nothing to look forward to
keep going,
i insist.
if you’re willing
you will find your way,
after every night
a brighter day.
pay close attention,
hear the words i say.
don’t neglect the force,
obey.
you will prevail,
you’ll be okay.