Stuck.
Once again stuck between four walls.
Darkness.
It rolls in slowly and uninvited.
Anger.
Not yet hatred but consuming.
Air.
Trying to breath and although alive, unsuccesseding.
Peace.
Searching searching deep within my soul.
Devil.
Playing games calling out to play.
God;
Trying to fortify strength and wisdom in the mind.
Sanity.
Slowly going out the more that I want to be in.

Death.                 Life.                       Hope.
Relaxation       unpromising   ­    torture

Despite the heart which is froze
Hatred runs fluidly
Like the water in shattered glass
Like the blood in broken bones
Like the flames in our homes    
This hatred
It speaks to me
Like drugs to an addict

When it tells me to shoot
                                         I relapse and
                                       aim for the sky

I said..
In spite of my own humility
Hatred runs deeply
Like the roots beneath the dirt
Like the pain beyond the hurt
Like this poem before your eyes

I despise 
                Way too many lies
                And so little truth  

I said..
I hate beautiful  
It cripples me deeply  
For you are my pity
My pain and their pleasure

When I am high
                           I'll collapse and fall
                        Far from this place
                        Of rotten bliss

I said..
Look at me        
Blood misrepresents me    
For I am cut differently
This pain isn't felt
Like the emptiness
Residing in your cup
It is felt
Like a toxic
Living inside the gut
Like these words
Traveling directly
Towards the stomach

I mean..
             Although this addiction kills me
           Hatred is also the remedy
          It is all I need to truly appreciate
          The little love I have left.

Why do I feel this way?
It's so unusual
I am actually
Truly
Happy


I know that this is a good thing
Why do I keep thinking
It will go away so quickly?
Maybe it's because I'm never happy for long.

Though this is a different kind of happy
This is the one where i actually feel as if
I'm going to be okay

"stop missing him,"*
i whisper to myself
as i try to wash
your name
out of my mouth;
bathe my body
from your touch
and cleanse my soul
from your love.

If I lost him
My heart would miss him forever

And my soul would never stop trying
To find pieces of him in someone else

By Chloe Elizabeth