Waiting for your reply

Waiting all morning

The clouds pass
The sun sinks

Waiting all afternoon

My bed holds me up

I can't do anything but lay here and bleed and bruise,
Ripping out my hair,
Screaming for air,
Mascara tears deteriorating my eyes,
His words ringing in my ears,
I was his motif,
He waited until it was far too late,
To speak these words of true raw feeling,
You can't have me back,
And you have no right to make me feel this way again.

I gave you my everything,
Love, trust, body, secrets and more,
You saw my scars,
Kissed them better everyday,
Reminded me how beautiful I was,
I was exposed and you took advantage,
You knew I was vulnerable,
I opened up to you and told you everything,
You used me, and you never loved me nor did you care

You came by to pick my garden's flowers,
Pulled my petals out and threw them away,
Pushed them through your dirt,
Smothering me,
Ran away to another garden, with fresh flowers,
That I could never provide you

You’re wondering if I’m lonely.
Okay, then, yes.
I’m lonely
Like a plane full of strangers all with headphones in,
Seen from the ground as a
Fast vanishing light, here and then not

I’m lonely like a woman driving across the country,
Day after day,
Throwing away mile after mile,
Forgetting to drink the coffee she bought in
Towns that she might have stopped in,
Lived and grown old and died in  

Am I lonely?
Sure, the loneliness of walking a city in the early morning in winter
The streetlights stretching your shadows into crowds of acquaintances
Stumbling over each other to whisper their own inane advice

Alone when I wake to a house still asleep and I move too quietly even though
I’m the only one there, afraid to disturb the solitude snoozing in the attic
I drink my tea and watch the cars
Lonely