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 Dec 6 val
Emily Miller
My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.
I promise you; I'm not depressed…
I'm more or less a mess – I guess.
At times, in my own mind, I feel like a guest;
Yet, at the helm – life puts me in charge,
Even as my social battery is often drained
I promise you; I'm not depressed…

I promise you; I'm not depressed…
These days, I don’t live anywhere close to
Lengthy dialogues, preferring to take social visits –
As each facet of my personality are merely masks,
Of this face's visages, as it constantly pivots
I promise you; I'm not depressed…

I promise you; I'm not depressed…
I don't trust most of my feelings – as
superior as they may seem, they fit the
narrative of playing the supervillain
Yearning to rekindle the wonder of my kid
self, though I often find myself kidding
I promise you; I'm not depressed…

It’s never good to admit that you’re depressed,
so, in a hidden depressive state – we don
the mask of joy, to fake its smile instead.

— The End —