Everything I did out of being kind hearted, maybe of been more selfish then accepted.
I wanted to win you over, get back what I once admired.
I woke up everything morning questioning my ability to be loved.
You woke up the demons that had been sleeping with misery.

I have wrote word after word and letter after letter stating how much I hate you. How much I hope you feel pain.

I sincerely do not care anymore.
I am not thanking you though.
I am not going to tell you you made the right choice by leaving.
I am glad you are gone though because sooner or later you would of left.
You prevented my daughter from later heartbreak.
When she ask the dreadful questions later that I fear everyday,
I will not once trash talk you, because if I like it or not you are still her "biological" father.
I will also, not lie. I will tell her you left because you are selfish. That she is worth more then wondering why.


Just from me though, you are not a man of your word.
You never stand by the things you say.
You are full of empty promises and broken words.
I will never have my daughter be let down by you.


But the truth is, I hope i can give her the best life, that she doesnt even wonder about you, ask about you, or want to meet you.
I will give her the best life without you.

I do not love you.

*I love who you want to be.

I will tell you something dear
you are not as ****** up as you think.
You have broken memories & a guilty conscious.
That is a simple fix honey.
Be the person you want everyone to believe you are,
then you will have to stop acting.
You will have to stop acting dear, for you see
you will then be the man you try to get everyone else to see.
I do not see you in the light you see yourself.
I see you in the light of someone else.
The man I seen laughing at the bar
& as the man I seen by the ocean.
That sweetie is the man, I love.
That my love, is the man you are
when you are not trying so **** hard
to guard yourself from your own happiness.

I have see the man you want to be.
& my god he is a beauty.

He's damaged,
               Unfixable it seems
What others would call
                  nightmares
       Are his sweetest dreams
                And sometimes
  He takes his emotions
                               to
                            extremes
       It's so blatantly obvious
  When he finally
           breaks down
                    And screams
That the world
          brought him to his knees

                  He's a broken spirit.
       And I just don't know
   If my love
              can mend his soul
Or if my broken pieces
        Are enough to make
                                      him
                  ­                      whole.
       And if I use what
                       little I have left
To put him back together
                Won't that just
                                  leave me
      In a shattered pile of emotions
                   *forever?

It was the way you..
Smiled.
Laughed.
Walked.
It was how you..
Talked with such passion.
Had dreams that stole the night.
Listened to music.
It was because I ...
Couldn't look away from you.
Loved to hear your voice.
It was your...
Touch.
Smell.
Eyes.
Hair.
Style.




It was the way I kept falling not once but every **** time you look at me with those eyes.

I told myself I'm not special.
I told myself it's not personal.
I still woke up & felt just as alone as the night before.
I knew I wasn't one in a million.
I was just the first to the phone.
I must lack all self respect.
I mean why else would I be a mess?
3 steps forward, now i am 5 steps back.
They say "drunk words are sober thoughts."
Now, it's the morning after
&
I'm confused as hell.