Striving for perfection.
Living off the satisfaction of my independence.
I am a full functioning adult.
Working and living in society.
But still that is not enough to keep the bad thoughts away.
Where do you learn wisdom?
Find it through experience.
I have lived a life that could **** many.
I am living a life many wish they had.
Still holding back while the
anxiety sets in.
Still holding back because of the lack of self esteem.
Where do I grow from here?

The unknown is the hardest to get through.
Why?
What happened?
When did things fall apart?
What did I look past and not see?
It is clear to me now, there is no victim in this game.
Only two people who are in so much pain.
Two people too willful to give in.

I no longer feel for you.
I do not feel sorry.
I do not feel love.
I do not feel hate.
I do not feel bad.
You built this ground you stand on.
You let the foundation crumble.
You broke the lives of many
&
touched the lives of few.

I woke up one morning & you were not there.
I still got out of bed.
I came home from work & you were nowhere to be found.
I still walked in & cooked dinner.
I went to bed last night without you.
I did not lay awake last night.
Your name does not show up on my phone.
I still smile when someone else's does.

I regret:
Every moment I didn't stare at you.
Every time I didn't grab your hand.
Every kiss that went to quick
&
Every night I fell asleep first.
I wish:
You knew I'd light the night for you.
I'd take all your broken pieces.
You knew Ill forever love you.
&
You were the one that got away.

You left & made it clear you're not coming back.
I still can't let go of maybe a little hope.
I can't look at you without smiling.
But you keep walking away & I'm drowning.
I can smell you on my sheets.
I can remember your every move.
Baby, I want you saved.
You're worth the wait, but there isn't anything to wait for.
You're to far gone & I'm to deep in.
I thought I was getting stronger,
But I still remember the all nighters.
You're to far gone
&
I'm waiting on a miracle.