Years ago,
I wrote a poem
warning to "never make a home of a human"

Today,
I find myself a hypocrite
eating my own advice and swallowing it whole

I made a home of you
only to realize it was constructed of straw
and all it took was one huff and one puff from you to blow the whole thing to the ******* ground

To you, I am sorry

I'm sorry that the demons in my head got so loud I lost myself in the noise
screaming nails against chalkboard just hoping you would hear me

I'm sorry that I became an unrecognizable splinter of who I used to be
clawing for you, just out of reach, from inside a locked cage

Now here I am with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other
each day they are battling to see who I will follow

On the days that the devil wins
I spiral down into a hell I never believed in until now

On the days the angel wins though
I see a glimpse of the staircase to a heaven I always hoped was real

I want you to know, each moment I am getting closer to the top
It is no longer out of reach
And I hope you will meet me there

Our meeting was the best thing that has ever happened to me

the thing is..
it was like being at the center of the universe
and the problem with being at the center is
when things get too close they have no where else to move except away
and it makes sense because now you are out of reach

i want you to know, you made me feel important
you made me feel more than i thought i was capable of

sometimes i feel this low rattling in my chest
and i know it's you
in a boxing match with my heart
telling it to soldier up and move on

but no matter how badly you want them
people like you come and go
even if you beg them to stay

I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

How you kissed me today is what I have been longing for

God, how I had missed the taste of your lips colliding with mine

So, I took in that moment

I engraved it in my memory

And I will go to war for that feeling again

Lately I have been taking showers so hot that they scorch my skin
leaving their mark on my body in every place that you used to kiss

It is okay if
all you are able to do
today is exist

1:37 AM
19/7/21