How can someone make you the happiest yet the saddest version of yourself?

You are doing your best
and bettering yourself

While,
I am doing my best
yet I am destroying my body, mind and soul
Doing everything I can to be here

Because you are better without me
but I was better with you...

just tell me...

how do you plan a life with someone
and then one day
act like they don't exist?

i still remember meeting eyes across the bar
i remember the first time we kissed
the day you cleared out your closet to make room for me

and honestly
i hope she notices how you twitch right before you fall asleep
i hope she knows your favorite food
and your pet peeves

i just hope you are happy

but it kills me that it's not with me

I gave you parts of me that I don't think I will ever get back

I realized this the night that I drove to your house drunk and fell in the front door, vomiting I Love Yous all over the floor

and I'm sorry for that

but more so I am sorry to myself

for trying so hard to get love from someone who never intended to give it to me

you used to look at me like i was the only thing that kept your heart beating
you used to hold onto me like you were scared that I would walk away

look at us now

you look at me with disgust
and flinch at the thought of grazing my skin

Maybe I'm just a weak person

I couldn't get you out from underneath my skin

and I'm sorry I tried so hard

But, you were worth every second of it