The scent of your breath across
the horizon of my sternum

& the pull & clench beneath,
is tectonic; white birds
rise & fly, die
& descend.

The voice from the dead came out to haunt
while the words of his mouth began to taunt
yet the demons played with my soul
even though I couldn't be sold
I know I'm not much of a human
when i creep and crawl
yet i know I'm much more of a person
than the purest beings who always fall
I want a way out
a way to be free
yet here i am worth nothing but a simple
penny
I need a light
a shiny being
to help me out
of my worst things
You there!
You with the perfect eyes
you with the personality that can't tell a lie
can I be with you?
can you see me?
or am i only a meaningless being?
i need you in my life,
the one i know who will give me rights
the person i need is the soul you keep
yet I'm still here without a leap
help me please
i know I'm not much
yet if you are an angel
then can't you have mercy?
can't you give me wings to fly?
to go up so high
till i can't breathe
till i am not even in the sky?
i just need a way out
i know the quite and the silence
brings you down
but please bury me in the ground!
i just need
i just need a single
way
out...

This is the third letter I write about you, hopefully the last. Hopefully all the ones I wrote including this one will paint the picture of both my feelings as they are, and my thoughts.

I've said alot in the past few days, maybe weeks. I've let my thoughts roam in a bid to understand you. But as all things go, I might've lost myself in that thinking.

I lost myself to the innocent feelings I felt for you, and as fun as that was I needed to awaken in a way from them. To think about exactly what I want from you, and I guess I made up my mind.

We are friends already, I want us to be friends, I want us to stay friends.

I should apologise for my fooling around, what I've been doing is kind of insensitive. You've come out of a relationship and though I've mentioned this so many times I do think its because its that important. With the promises I've made of waiting for you I think I've given you a false image, though I had meant them at the time I've realised that that's not what I want.

What I want is you, not in the love struck, in the form of pure desire, physical want.
But also I enjoy spending time with you, working with you and talking as awkward as that is at times and doing what we've been doing. Our friendship as it was and is, is what I want.

Lets leave this thing of love and relationships, this thing were I seem to be pursuing you, I think its too early to be dealing with the matters of the heart, for the both of us. So I'll stop doing the things that seem to be based on emotions and require reciprocation, because doing them now would be shallow.

Let's talk of travel and places we've never been, lets spend free moments in between work watching series in each others arms as we do, lets spend nights sharing the same "bed" as that is, lets spend hours working on our archistudies and such when we are together. I don't think doing this is a thing of the heart, I think its both out of convenience and desire that's makes this happen.

I think that's the type of friendship that works for us, I don't think I really care much right now about where we end up, more I care for getting what I need to be done and I'm sure you're the same.

Lets be friends, like friends as we are suppose to be, and I'll stop this childish I've been playing as fun as it was. Let's do what we can, what we want to, whether that's taking road trips together, or simply chilling indoors, whether that's working together, or going out for a snack. These things aren't only meant for lovers.

It's not as if I stopped caring, I've started to care in a deeper way, a more mature way. The way I should to make us work.

Lets be us as we should be.

Your friend
CALM THOMAS

River stones, leaves, branches, trees
The hunter runs amongst the snow
Paw prints follow hoof prints
It is the hunt
He is the hunt

It turns, it leaps
He gains a step, he gains a heartbeat
He smells the sweat he tastes the blood
The hunt is him,
he's lost within it

Brown figure he hunts,
So vague, but the scent is strong
A greying image, cascading white fur
The scent is changing

Where is the fear, the scent of prey
Confusion racks him, where are the hooves
He follows paw-prints, he doesn't understand
He's hunted game before what is this

He can see her now, she is no prey
She is white with fur, and barely pants
She smells of wolf, she smells the same
she leaves the scent of a hunter

He's caught now in a game he fears
This is no hunt, this is no game
He hunts not pray, this is unknown
This is the beginnings of a dance

Where lovers lie, a foreign land
A duet that plays in silence
There is no hunt in loves embrace
There is only the melody of yearning

This dance he still finds foreign
This dance he has failed at
This dance that he does not know
This dance that could break him

He walks through the garden amongst trees
There is the scent of life around him,
He is searching, looking for a beauty
To take it, and put it in his cave

There is a scent of sweetness
From flowers and weeds,
From branches and trees,
There is a foreign garden
A garden he has never tended

There is a flower there
It is exquisite, it's beauty raw
Why does it entice him so
A vivid red, not a lily not a rose

He wants it, but it belongs to another
He wants to pick it up and smell it
But he doesn’t know it
He cannot make it bloom

How will he deal with not having it
He has never desired one like this
He cannot forget it's aroma
The flower that belonged to another

I cannot stop this feeling that I broke something I shouldn’t have,
I felt like even now we could've worked as we are,
Maybe I'm naïve and greedy, I think I should let this go,
But what after, again back to the search, ****
I don’t want to, its painful to even image actually,

But you are not mine, I am not what you need,
I am a fleeting moment to you, a lesson to be learned,
Forgive me for today, I had not expected to find myself here,
Sometimes you get into a rhythm when you do something,
And you get so used to it, losing it surprises you,

What I am terrified of kait, is the fact that,
There is something, I am fond of you,
Beyond the posturing and desire,
I want you in a more sensual manner,
But it is not my place to ask that of you,

I am writing this because I am a writer,
Emotive speech is the one thing I'm not good at,
I don't want to be a distraction from what you need to do,
I don't want to be just a fix either though,

I've lost and gained something,
I don't know what it is yet,
Maybe I'm still too young of heart and mind,
I am actually far from the wolf I look to be

I'm still a wolf pup, I am learning the hunt,
You simply caught me of guard,
I hadn't expected this to be anything but temporary
That is the truth

It's amazing though, as I type this I feel more resigned,
I understand why it must end now,
My actions today were just a catalyst,
That is the truth

It would've just been a one more time thing,
Constantly trying edging towards exposure,
It's better if it ends before we're found out
That is the truth

Thank you though,
For taking this risk with me,
I truly needed to be reminded that there is more,
More to everything than just desire,
I hope we can be friends,
Maybe I think it's because we both seem to be fragile,
Yet as hard and strong as steel too
I wish i could've been more than a moment for you ey
But hey **** happens,
Lol that is the truth

I try to shelter you broken bird within my palms,
but i cannot heal you.

I try to heal your broken heart before it turns to ice,
but my heart forever burns you.