When I first saw you, I thought to myself:
"I really like her septum piercing."
And I told you.
You showed me how you could move it without touching it,
and I thought that was pretty cool.
Then I noticed your face.
Your beautiful, breath taking brown eyes that had the slightest hint of green.
Then I noticed your clothes, and how you carried yourself.
You always looked like you could punch someone if you needed to, but still elegant.  
Then I noticed your sense of humor, and your love for drugs.
Then I noticed the scars on your arm.
and I understood.
You were my friend.
You told me you were a model once, and honey, it was obvious.
You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met.
But you never believed me when I told you that.
You never believed anyone.
And maybe if you did, you'd still be here.
If we ever met again, I would make sure you knew.
I would make sure you knew how loved you were, and how amazing you are.
Because maybe if I told you more often,
maybe if you knew, or if we got you help,
just maybe..,
you wouldn't have left.
And just maybe, I wouldn't cry when a train passed my house.

Stupid, stupid girl.
How could I ever think
he could look at me and
want me.
How could I ever think
I was beautiful in his eyes.
That other girl
the one he chose
so bright and pretty
so thin and perfect,
nothing like me.
I feel terrible because
I hope for the worst,
hope she breaks his heart
and he'll come back to me.
My heart aches and it shouldn't
I was nothing to him,
why can't he be the same to me?
Nothing.
Stupid girl,
thinking I could have something
that actually made sense and
make me feel pretty.

I'm smart, I tell myself as I fail another exam
I'm strong, I whisper as I collapse doing a push up
I'm beautiful, I say ******* my waist in as far as I can
I'm talented, I murmur as I try to play the piano

You're thick, they tell me as I stand and speak before an audience
You're weak, they whisper as I dance for three hours straight
You're ugly, they say as I shake petals from my flower filled hair
You're *******, they murmur as I draw a child with a boat

You're smart, I tell her as a brand new scar bleeds profusely
You're strong, I whisper as I stick it back together
You're beautiful, I say as it fades to white against her skin
You're talented, I murmur as she runs off again to play.

Why do you have to cut deep into your skin? Aren't you aware of that you are alright? The past left you, the future admires you. The present loves you. So why do you have to cut deeper into your skin? Aren't you aware of that everything is alright? You know I will never understand. You don't expect me to, but please be cautious. The things you do determine a fast end, a short life. So pack your things we are leaving, to a place where I can live and you can feel again. So why do you have to cut deeper into your skin? You know everything is alright.

I like
the sound of your laugh
and how it takes away
all the anguish of my soul
for a little while.

I like
the way you look into my eyes
even though you know
i get self conscious

I like
the way you try to make it up to me
when you push my limits
a little too far
even though i forgave you a while ago

I like
how you make me feel-
all jittery and shy
like a young girl
pretending she knows what love is

but

in the back of my mind
i can see his smile
and the way he runs his hand
through his hair.

in the back of my mind
i can see his excitement
as he shares stories with me
about his favourite things.

In the back of my mind
and late at night
i wonder how is it possible to love
two persons
with two very different personalities
at the same time.