Walking on this thin line
slowly tripping over my tears
trying to catch you as
you walk away, leaving me
alone.
I see you pause, to look back
and see me desperately chasing
you. Moving on after a moment
I try to run
I try to do more
to catch you
but I can't even get a grip
on the wisps of you
as I fall behind.

you frighten me, my love
how you hate
and you drink
your anger is hot,
always ready to flare
for some reason you cannot
see how much easier
a life of calm
like the gentle Sunday waves
could be
you scare me for i love you
more than anything
and this hate and anger
is clouding that love
and turning it into black
that sticks to my heart
like tar that
not even my tears
can wash away

i am everything you ever were afraid of
i am the dark
the monster beneath your bed
the creaking door in the
silence of night
i am the spiders who crawl
the birds who fly
the growling beast in the woods
i am the nightmare
that keeps you up at night
thunder is my voice
and lightning my eyes
i am the death of your lover
your family
the car smashing to bits
i am you
dying all alone
i am everything you ever were afraid of
you cannot hide from me
i am always here

Oh how my heart sings!
The warm buzz, tickling my body
while my smile never falters.
His touch is sweet but rough,
hands calloused from work
but still so light.
I live for his laugh,
his voice, anything that is him.
Soft words of love whispered
against my lips as we rock
together as one, complete
with only each other.

Oh how my heart sings!
Happiness spurts forth every day
and I never thought
that this could be mine.
Just his presence, calming me
making me glow, warm
with love and joy.
His heart beats in simple
slow beats, matching mine,
as if he was made to find me.
All I ask is his love,
and he delivers with a gentle touch.

his voice warms me like a blanket
i missed the simple talk
how he could tell me
about nothing in-particular
and i would feel better
his words lift me to the sky
and i don't feel wrong
or ***** or stupid
for going back to him
and his gentle voice

Stupid, stupid girl.
How could I ever think
he could look at me and
want me.
How could I ever think
I was beautiful in his eyes.
That other girl
the one he chose
so bright and pretty
so thin and perfect,
nothing like me.
I feel terrible because
I hope for the worst,
hope she breaks his heart
and he'll come back to me.
My heart aches and it shouldn't
I was nothing to him,
why can't he be the same to me?
Nothing.
Stupid girl,
thinking I could have something
that actually made sense and
make me feel pretty.

****. ****.
I thought I wanted this
but my heart is yelling
for me to call and lie to him
tell him I missed his calls
and didn't ignore him.
It would never ever work
it's just the way he told me
that he would stop calling
and would forget me
was such a tone it broke me
it tore my flesh and flat out destroyed me.
He said he'd delete me
like I was going away forever
and I'll never hear his voice,
which chills me,
ever again.
I don't know if this is a mistake
I can't tell if I made the right choice
to lose him, the one man
the only man
who might love me in this life.