My own darkness terrifies me,
I am right to be afraid
For there is nothing...
Absolutely nothing,
That I wouldn't do
To avoid this unforgiving hell

© 2014 Peach

Summer breeze coasting through the trees
Wind chimes remind me
I've had better times
But here I am again
******,
Because I can't sleep peacefully
Mary Jane hides the worst in me

As I shut my eyes,
I only see
Darkness,
Liquid black
Like the color of my soul
I was doing so well you see

Clean
Sober
Running
Yoga

But I had a crack in my shield
And the nightmares came back
Brutally vengeful
I only had my screams to keep me company

3 hours, and one very hot shower later
And I'm back,
Contemplating life on the patio
Flicking a lighter
Breathing deep
Letting the smoke seep
Back into my system

*****
High
Still
Weak

It's a vicious cycle
Recovering from memories

My nightmare waits for me back home
2 hours and 12 minutes away
I can't put it off any longer
Just thinking about him makes me anxious
And terribly sad
Because people who tell you they love you
Shouldn't hurt you
They shouldn't force and rip their way inside of you
Until everything burns
Make no mistake
Tears don't blur the violence
Soap never disinfects the shame of silence

I think I should be over it by now
Honestly, **** happens
People get ***** every day
Anyone who tells you different is a liar
Or perhaps just blind
Either way,
I don't need prayers
I don't need sympathy
I probably need a **** lobotomy
Or maybe just a clean slate

So I continue to breathe
One breath at a time
While my eyes gradually drift close

I am alive
But parts of me are dead
I
    Am
            Not
                    Broken
But even Wonder Woman needs a day off

© 2014 Peach

From time to time , there might be a hiccup in my giddy up, leaving people patiently waiting for what? ... Like they have a plate of pancakes and I'm the last drop of syrup.

Birthday cards.... Anniversary cards... a personal letter...
I feel the pressure
To do better and better

There is no more "xoxo, love Joe"

I have no daughters, I have no sons, but I do have loved ones
Ever since I started to put in verbal/written efforts, I've become bummed

Give people an inch, they take a mile, all the expectancy has started to pile
Like ... you wrote that for him/her, what about mine? with a lame smile...  -J.A.M

I stand beneath the sun
Clenching teeth just for fun
Leaching bogus conundrums
I get clumsy cause I can't run
I'm not smart, but I'm not dumb
Leave me a piece to eat
Even if it's a crumb

-J.a.M

Every now and then when you can't eacape through your pen
When there's no letter to send, no heart to mend, you can't pretend
That perhaps you might just wanna collapse cause you feel so trapped
Like your foreheads been stamped, with "out of order" cause the light bulb won't light up in your lamp...

-J.A.M

I fall in love with my ideas at night
Call upon smiles and tears my of life
Its all ups and downs, lefts and rights
Grippin' this beer doesn't helps me keep up the fight

I sever my truths and lies,
So no need to use a disguise, but some will never know who and who's  not on their side,
It's A Matrix type surprise

You'd think so much expierence
Would leave me fearless, but the world is deaf and nobody hears this

Drip, drip, drop.
Is it blood or rain, no one can explain their plot
So I sing, sing, sing along cause it wont be long until I'm skippin rocks in a pond
Wishing I could light my own fires and drop my own bombs
Few can relate to the way my thoughts detonate so they try to separate reality from fiction with great debates
Makes me feel awkward as ****, like I been stuffed in a locker and im stuck, but I could shift this ****, if I just had a proper clucth
So...good luck... tryin to relate *******, i got more miles on me than interstate truckers
I help the devil sell dreams to crippled human beings that know what it means
To need to feed cause we feign to bleed
On my nightstand lie a couple of things, 2 sticks of lung disease, 1 magazine and 1 pic of a dead human being