Bones tender
heat within
Closeness & safety abound
Reminders of lust rise inside
They no longer hold us here
We are apart, but alive.
Fears shared, wishes parted
They alone glow beneath me
Heart sounds keep away the dark
I am awake
I am close
I am your thoughts
Warm & Alive as ever
Reminders of comfort
How it kept you safe
Moments of ecstasy rush back
Just to leave you lonesome again
****** again
Those clouds cannot hide your glaces toward me
She sees every one.

She really always was there
Knowing when something wasn't quite right
She had an outstanding curse of putting her
own terrors aside to help you sort out yours
Trying the whole time not to let her own through.

She did not belittle the issues.
She knew me well enough to take what mattered and bring it to light
The light within herself, however, was fighting hard to shine
She never let her demons take over her love

Her battles with her own soul erupted in her work
The most inspiring expression I believe she had
All of her light shone through her work
She was light.
She lived it.
I believed she lived for light, and few people understood that

Sometimes, perhaps our own fear of darkness is too overwhelming.
And soon our souls are eclipsed by things we cannot control.

I believe in light.
I live by its power.
It gives me control.
Relief of pain.
And it gave me a precious bond with a woman so bright, so radiant, and supernatural.
She blessed me with her light.
Though she had shown me her own eclipse of her soul, I believed she could overcome it all.

She inspired.
And wherever she may have gone, I know she is the most glorious being of her kind.

Coffee, sun, in the breeze.
A breeze to cool the air,
a breeze to disrupt the heat upon my arm.
The breeze pulling and pushing my
strands of clean, fresh, soft hair.
There are birds, they are alive
and have no idea who I am,
or perhaps that I am even under them.
I am aware of them.
I see them above and I smile; it is brief.

I feel clean today,
the air purifies all around me, and inside me.
I wear no make-up, and I feel beautiful,
because I am here, and alive and doing what I feel is good.
Drinking the coffee, holding the cup,
so clean and perfect, steam rising,
swirling, becoming lost in the air.
The aroma stolen by my nose.
I love coffee.
The heat through the cup on my hands makes me smile again.

I see art, and I know it is someones real life.
I see the urging desperate attempt to make us see what it is and how she feels.
I look at it that way and feel it deeply for a moment,
and appreciate that I can see that, and not have to tell anyone,
just know that I appreciate the art she has created.
She doesn't know it and never will,
but in this moment that art is for me,
me and my hair and coffee and wind, that bird too.
After that, I see the art for my eyes.
It is nice to see. My eyes enjoy it.
Grass is green, sky is blue and I love you.
I love me, and I need more moments like these to remind me.
Even if they are only imagined.

I feel like a blurry photo; black & white
Unclear, yet beautiful
On a quiet street.
Shiny with rain    
Leaves scattered allover
reflection of streetlamps stinging my eyes
light sprayed though my vision
filtered by tears
magnifying the lights.
leaves blow, headlights string,
taking all hope along...
It's almost comforting how alone I feel.

It's just too much to move right now
Through the pounding, tightening bass
of life rushing through my chambers
Each successful movement of blood pulls me down further

My heart feels dry, hung inside my chest with only a rusty nail
It is clambering against my throat with every beat
Deafening my mind

I have to move or my chest will implode

I **** cold air into my dusty heart
in a rhythm that makes no sense

And it starts to accelerate

But my thoughts are empty...
And my soul knows better

It relays these messages to my heart
my heart drums the rhythm of reality throughout my body.
I can't ignore it
I can't fix it.




I swallow all of the tightness,
burning, dreams and screams

This time, it's forcing its way out of my bile and into my heart
It runs through my veins, and never rests
It is no longer a quiet frustration
No longer a memory, or the past
It's my throat
It's my stomach
It's coming out
forcing its way through my mind
Now it's grown
It burns like so much blood

I can't swallow down fire
I can't hold it in my mouth
It doesn't drip like blood
It grows
It destroys
It burns off the dust of my soul
The smell is what brings me here
To panic, to gag... to sob.
The smell of the living dead memories
Burning inside by the fire of all that pain awake... again.

Rapid moments falling into place
I stand on the edge, look down to see your face
Miles above all the pain you've caused
Thinking of jumping, but the hate makes me pause
All those memories flow into my mind
I wonder why, is it a lie, do I want to rewind?

I could stand up here for the rest of my life
hating you, wanting you, trying to pull out the knife
But I know you've already taken the leap
You gave up, your're gone now
All that you've sown I must reap

So I take a breath, step away & try to take myself back
I know, one more step, I'll never gain the strength that I lack
I walk away free, knowing you've made your choice
It doesn't change a ******* thing
I'm taking back my voice.

All the pain there ever was
all the tears there ever were
Surface again
After so much time
So may smiles
I thought you were gone
and I might be safe at last

Safe from the wet leather
Cologne in the rain
Lights reflecting
Skin soft, wet, cut open
Smoke swirling, filling time and energy
Stealing away all I wanted to say
An embrace like no other
Blurry
Warm
An Eternity

A thought that it was once all mine
That I had captured life's prize
at last in a raindrops time

It all fell
And I moved on
Constantly looking back
Through that ***** window
Wet, soaked with memories
Drenched with tears

I stuffed it all away
stowed safely, deep down
In a perfect hole
that you chiseled in the back of my heart

There it all remains
There it waits
To be remembered
By a reminder unannounced
Shocking my soul awake
Forcing it all out again

One of these days I won't notice
And you'll blow away in the winds of change
A lesson will have been learned,
a life lived,
a moment stolen,
And hope restored