after the bugs and vultures indulge the flesh from my corpse
my leftover bones will spot with mold spores
and maybe then people will stop thinking i’m such a horror
and understand they must decay
in the same exact way

life is so short
i need to spend every second of it with you
i wish i knew how long we have left
so i wont be so stressed
about how much i’ll miss you
if you die before i do
i hope you wont go
unless we're together, we’ll do it slow
thats what i hope
i want to grow old with you
i hope we’ll last a long time too
cause as long as my heart beats
i need to spend every second of it with you.

i want to peel the skin from my limbs
strip by strip
with broken glass making jagged incisions
then watch the blood drip
down my body
dark red is pretty.

i want to scratch my eyes out
i've seen too much now
they'd look better splattered on the floor
just like *****, blotched decor

i want to pluck my nails out from the beds of my fingers and toes
and with a torch burn it all, melt the cartilage off my ears and nose
its too much extra baggage
for when i jump off the ledge
i like to mutilate myself
i’m a ******* as well

i love slicing deep into my skin
or puncturing myself, with a needle or pin.
seeing my blood escape captivity
makes me feel more alive than if it was still inside me
even more so when i carve out an artery
it falls so gracefully down to my feet

i want to display my own bones in my home
and replace them in my body with metal poles
i think feeling pain is better than feeling nothing
and seeing a sharp razor to grate my skin is always enticing
i love how it stings.

blood is the liquid of life yet symbolizes death
i corrupted my soul, now an expired body is left
i want to reach inside my chest
and grab my heart
and squeeze so hard
it oozes like jello through my fingers
and stops beating forever.

all the voices in my head
never shut up
they tell me I should be dead
i believe them, im ****** up
i watched my parents fight a lot as a kid
they got a divorce after i grew up
i thought itd break me but im glad they did.
i think i’ll always be depressed
its been years i felt like this
i smoke **** to give me happiness.
my brother tried to **** himself twice
I want to die too
but he survived so i guess so should i.
still every day i cry.
i sound like a loser
i look at old pictures of myself as a kid
i dont recognize her, i guess i did lose her.
not sure where to go from here
all my friends and i moved away
we dont talk anymore besides the occasional “hey”
no one knows me anymore
nothing in my current life is like what i knew before.
the place i live is not my home
the people i know are temporary fixes
to the empty holes that my emotions burn through my heart.
i wish i could bleed
but i dont want to get put on mental health leave
so my skins stays uncut and i stay silent.
all this pain i keep quiet.
i starve myself as an outlet
it gives me control over myself
since my emotions are reigned by hell.

in my dream last night
you died
i couldnt save you
i watched, i cried
i wish i was closer to you
close enough to kiss you
but in my dream last night
i saw you die
i crave your soul
to be intertwined with mine
but we’re so far apart
i sleep alone and cry

im suicidal but ill never really **** myself
parts of me still want to live, theyre just dull
deep down i still love life
but its buried behind so much pain
suicide would end it all.
maybe the sacrifice would finally bring me peace.
sometimes i think.

sitting in my car
crying on my birthday
trying to drive on
swerving through the turn lane

another year, another fear
I'm anxious as I steer
then my eyes well with tears and I can't see the road
crashed my car let me go home
I don't want to be here anymore

people stare but they aren't looking
it's my ******* birthday
trying to drive on
swerving off the road and I'm gone

another year another fear
I wish for death as I steer
crashed my car let me go home
I wanna die on the day that I was born